Earlier this week a reporter from a queer Canadian publication caused controversy — and outrage — when he asked Tom Hardy about his sexuality during a Toronto International Film Festival press conference for the actor’s new film “Legend.”
Hardy, who in 2008 candidly stated that he experimented with other guys when he was younger but found gay sex “did nothing for him,” quickly shut down the interview after refusing to answer the “disrespectful” question. However, on Thursday the “Mad Max” star had quite a bit more to say about the incident while speaking with The Daily Beast.
“I think everybody is entitled to the right to privacy,” Hardy said. “…Some things are private. I’m under no obligation to share anything to do with my family, my children, my sexuality — that’s nobody’s business but my own. And I don’t see how that can have anything to do with what I do as an actor, and it’s my own business. “
Hardy, who plays a queer character in “Legend,” (which means the question about his sexuality actually could have something to do with what he does and/or draws on as an actor) explained that he’d be fine with a friend asking about his sexuality but noted, “to put a man on the spot in a room full of people designed purely for a salacious reaction? To be quite frank, it’s rude.”
Hardy conceded that what the reporter “had to talk about was actually interesting, but how he did it was so inelegant,” and noted that what the reporter “and his publication stands for, none of that is offensive, and on the contrary, it’s very admirable, and an important issue.” However, he also emphasized that “I’m not a role model for anyone, and you’re asking me something about my private life in a room full of people. I don’t want to discuss my private life with you. I don’t know you! Why would I share that with a billion people?”
As if Hardy’s hypocritically self-righteous stance (more on that in a minute) wasn’t disappointing enough in and of itself, when I saw how quickly my social media feeds were filling up with giddy praise for his comments — in many cases giddy praise from queer people — I grew even queasier.
While watching variations of “Tom’s right! It’s nobody’s business!” and “That’s private!” flood comment fields, tweets and Facebook statuses, I sighed and thought to myself, Really? Are we really still defending — and celebrating! — the idea that sexual orientation is akin to some deep dark secret to be discussed after dark behind closed doors in hushed tones with only our most trusted confidantes?
Apparently we are. But this has to change, folks. Why? Because even though, sure, everyone should be “entitled to the right to privacy” regarding certain aspects of their lives, sexual orientation shouldn’t be considered private. Let me type that again and put it in boldface so that you don’t miss it: Sexual orientation should not be considered private.
Our sexuality is merely a part of who we are — like the color of our eyes or our height. What we do with our sexuality may be private (and even then, if I had my way, we’d all be a lot more open and honest about how and when we have sex too, but let’s save that for another blog), but our sexual orientation shouldn’t be. By claiming otherwise, you’re saying that there is something about how a person identifies — and who they choose to love and/or sleep with — that should remain secret.
But why would that be? If there’s nothing wrong with being anything other that heterosexual — as most people and I’m sure Hardy himself would claim — what exactly are we keeping private? And, again, why?
Perhaps the homophobia that historically had people — especially celebrities — employing statements like “no comment” and “that’s private” hasn’t disappeared as nearly or as neatly as we’d like to think or hope. Maybe — just maybe — even though marriage equality has finally come to every state in our fair nation and beloved sitcoms are being boldly rebooted with gay characters, we haven’t really come as far as we think we have and queerness is still seen as shameful — and therefore damaging — especially to a male action star like Hardy whose masculinity serves as his mealticket.
And I get it. Despite the fact that we’ve seen more and more stars come out in the last 10 years, Hollywood’s closets remain uncomfortably crowded due to the not-so-irrational fear of losing jobs, disloyal fans and plummeting relevance. But I refuse to accept the “sexuality is private” lie any longer, and I refuse to accept Hardy’s outrage at being asked about his sexuality, especially under the guise of privacy. This is the same man who, though he claims he doesn’t want to share his personal life with “a billion people,” gave an interview to Details magazine earlier this year in which he discussed his father, his spirituality and his sobriety. That all sounds pretty personal to me. What’s more, Hardy has opened up about his harrowing experiences with drugs and alcohol on numerous occasions, offering intimate soundbites like “I didn’t want anyone to know I was out of control, but I couldn’t hide it… I was lucky I didn’t get hepatitis or AIDS” and “I would have sold my mother for a rock of crack.“
So, apparently, it’s not his personal life that he doesn’t want to talk about — it’s just his sexuality.
And before anyone gets the wrong idea, I want to be clear that I’m not questioning Hardy’s heterosexuality. This is not about that. As much as I’d like to have my way with him, I’m fine with him living a straight life. By all means! But I do want to point out that heterosexual people who are completely at ease with themselves have the luxury of not pulling the “my sexuality is private” card because being heterosexual isn’t seen as shameful — it’s our society’s default (and privileged) setting. It’s “natural.” It’s “normal.” It just… exists, much as I’m arguing all other orientations should just exist.
We can’t keep saying that being queer isn’t a big deal out of one side of our mouths and then turn around and cry “How dare you!” and “Privacy!” out of the other side. For those of you who are championing Hardy’s little hissy fit, I’d love to know why and what you think is so precious about his — or your — sexual orientation that it should remain off the record. I wish Hardy had responded, “My sexuality? I’m straight” or “I’m only interested in being with women but I fooled around a bit when I was a kid and it wasn’t a big deal.” I don’t need him to be a role model or a poster boy for me or anyone else — but saying something like that alone! Imagine how amazing it would be to hear that come out of his mouth.
But maybe Hardy isn’t quite as comfortable with that candid 2008 conversation he had about his youthful daillances with other guys as we (and he) thought he was. Maybe seven years and a slew of really successful action films have changed the way he thinks about who he was and what he did — or at least how he’s perceived and what that means for his career. Who knows?
What I do know is that queer people have to answer “inelegant” questions about who they are and what they do all the time. But the more we are asked and the more we answer honestly and with deep, daring introspection — not just of ourselves but of the world we live in and how and why it views us the way it does — the further we push the needle until one day the needle snaps off and these kinds of questions are no longer necessary.
But we aren’t there yet. And we won’t get there by campaigning for people — queer or not — to shy away from being honest about who they are, especially about something we’ve all agreed shouldn’t be a secret and shouldn’t be shameful.
Instead, we should tell and we should teach. Instead we should say “I’m gay.” Or “I’m straight.” Or “I’m bisexual.” Or “I once had a dick in my mouth but that was a long time ago and to be honest it didn’t do a whole lot for me, but I’m not embarrassed about it and I’m not ashamed of it and yeah I guess maybe it did help me approach this character in a way I wouldn’t have otherwise.” Or it didn’t. I don’t know. I don’t want to put words in Tom Hardy’s mouth (or anyone else’s). But I do want him — and everyone else who is yammering on about privacy — to rethink exactly what they’re trying to protect, exactly why it’s so threatening to answer a question about sexuality and what it says about them — and all of us — when they refuse to do it.
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Rumors that the pop star had come out of the closet began after CNN iReport — a subsection of the media outlet comprising ‘citizen journalists’ from around the world — posted a since-removed story that stated, “The famous pop-star Bruno Mars admits his homosexuality,” which caused the Mars’ name to trend on Twitter.
Nonetheless, Mars’ rep called the report “completely fabricated” and “false,” according to Gossip Cop.
Speculation has swirled over the talk show queen’s long-standing kinship with TV anchor friend Gayle King for years. But as Winfrey told Barbara Walters last year, “I’m not even kind of a lesbian. And the reason why [the rumor] irritates me is because it means that somebody must think I’m lying. That’s No. 1. No. 2 … why would you want to hide it? That is not the way I run my life.”
Hollywood juggernauts and best friends, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, are no strangers when it comes to gay rumors. Their seemingly more than a bromance, which stems from their Boston upbringing, had never been denied, causing people to further believe the gossip until Damon decided to speak up about it in December 2012.
Damon proclaimed: “I never denied those rumors because I was offended and didn’t want to offend my friends who were gay. As if being gay were some kind of f–king disease. It put me in a weird position in that sense.”
Maybe it’s the “Saturday Night Fever” syndrome, but Travolta, who has been married to Kelly Preston since 1991, has been dogged by gay rumors and reports since the late 1980s. Last year, his attorney Marty Singer sent a five-page letter to Gawker threatening to sue over posting “false and outrageous” claims in a story the site ran in a post called “The Secret Sex Life of John Travolta.”
In recent months several men have come forward alleging that Travolta sexually assaulted and harassed them. While Travolta denies the claims, lawsuits against the star are currently pending.
The British pop star, who is openly bisexual, faced allegations in an unauthorized biography that she’d been ordered to withhold the fact that she was a lesbian by her record label.
“Jessie might have been with boys in the past — but she is 100 per cent gay,” author Chloe Govan wrote in an excerpt of the book. “Jessie was openly lesbian and didn’t hide it.”
The singer quickly took to Twitter to deny the accusations, noting, “I’m really a lesbian?! Ha! Thanks for writing yet another boring untrue story.”
The “Jersey Shore” star reportedly hit back at housemates Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jenni “JWoww” Farley after they speculated about his sexuality and hinted he might be gay in an interview with HuffPost Gay Voices.
“Mike really ripped both Snooki and JWoww a new one,” a show insider told The Chicago Sun-Times. Noting that Sorrentino is concerned such comments could hurt his brand endorsements, which are focused on straight male customers, the source added, “He’s extremely upset.”
In the interview, both JWoww and Snooki implied that despite his playboy reputation, Mike has questioned his own sexuality. “He brings it up,” JWoww said. “He’ll say, ‘People think I’m gay and I don’t know what they’re talking about.'” Added Snooki: “He told me one time, ‘[All the talk is] making me wonder.'”
The hunky star of “The Avengers” blasted persistent rumors about his sexuality — as well as probes into his personal life in general — earlier this month.
“I want my personal life to be personal, and it’s not f***ing true,” Renner, 41, is quoted as saying. “And I don’t care if you’re talking about things that are true, you’re still talking about my personal life.. How about I go peek in your window, take what underwear you wore last night, whose husband you were f***ing, and shove that in the megaphone throughout your neighborhood? How does that feel?”
In 2009, gossip sites went wild with headlines that suggested the “Twilight” star was a lesbian. However, a closer look at Stewart’s quotes reveals how she was actually responding to a question over the nature of her relationship with co-star Robert Pattinson:
“I’ve thought about this a lot. There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation. ‘OK, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.’ I probably would’ve answered if people hadn’t made such a big deal about it. But I’m not going to give the finding an answer.”
Despite three high-profile marriages, the “Top Gun” star has been the subject of gay speculation for years. In 2003, he won a $10 million default judgment in a case against a gay porn actor who claimed the two had an affair, and two years earlier, he sued Los Angeles-based publisher Michael Davis for $100 million after Davis claimed to have a videotape of Cruise engaged in homosexual acts. As People reported, the suit was eventually dropped, and Davis eventually stated that Cruise “is not, and never has been, homosexual and has never had a homosexual affair.”
When asked about the long-standing rumors on his sexuality, the “Fast And The Furious” star proclaimed, “I was like, ‘How could you say that? Why would you say that?'” He went on to note, “I’m not gonna put it out there on a magazine cover like some other actors. I come from the Harrison Ford, Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino code of silence. I’m not gonna do that.”
Appearing on “The View,” the pop star lamented the fact that she’s never been in love and has difficulty dating, which prompt many people to speculate that she’s a lesbian. “I’m from a small town so, like, everyone’s married with children or about to have children,” she said. “So it’s a little hard when you go home and people are like — and that’s why people think I’m gay — because they’re like ‘Why aren’t you married?’ And I’m like, ‘it doesn’t happen for everyone right off the bat.'”
The “Inception” hunk sent the blogosphere into overdrive after he was quoted as saying, “I’m an actor for f**k’s sake. I’ve played with everything and everyone.” Still, a source now claims Hardy, who is engaged to British actress Charlotte Riley, had been taken out of context: “He was discussing a gay role and quotes coming from the character.”
After Esquire uncovered a website that referred to the Oscar-winning hunk as “gay, gay, gay,” the good-natured actor quipped, “No, I’m gay, gay. The third gay — that was pushing it.” Friend Manuele Malenotti has also defended Clooney, noting, “You never know in life, and men are having an identity crisis but I can tell you George is not gay. All I can say is that George, when it comes to love, has decided that he is not going to get married again and he is not going to have any children and he won’t change his mind.”
Tabloid speculation over the button-handsome young stars of “Gossip Girl” has been rampant, particularly given the fact that Chace Crawford (right) and Ed Westwick (middle) were roommates for some time, according to New York Magazine. Westwick later blasted the rumors, saying, “It’s funny because I love this f**king dude dearly. I would die for this f**king dude. He’s my brother. But, by God, we are so into our f**king women it’s ridiculous.”
When asked earlier this year if there were any rumors she wanted to clear up, Rodriguez quipped, “I’m not a lesbian. Yeah! Mitchie likes sausage.”
Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton has made no secret of his admiration for the “High School Musical” star, while other gossip sites have openly speculated about Efron’s sexuality. Still, Efron has laughed it off: “I know it’s very addictive to read that kind of stuff. It’s entertainment. Honestly, if the worst [Perez Hilton] can say about me is that I’m gay, then I think I’ll be fine. I can handle it.”
The singer-songwriter acknowledges why many thought she was a lesbian shortly after her Grammy Award-winning debut: “I was definitely rough around the edges. I look back at certain interviews and I’m like, ‘Damn! Did I have to look that hard? Did I have to do my hair that way?’ More recently, she said, “I’m comfortable in my own skin – comfortable enough to know when something is right for me and when things need to change. All that comes in time, because when I first started out, I hadn’t a clue.”
The “Almost Famous” star, who is currently dating Muse singer Matthew Bellamy and was previously married to Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson, said she was baffled by rumors she’d embarked on a steamy lesbian affair. “No, no, no,” she was quoted as saying. “Strictly boys for me!”
The 21st century actor, artist, intellectual and overall “renaissance man” has believably played gay characters onscreen numerous times (most memorably as Harvey Milk’s lover in the Oscar-winning “Milk”), but Franco has downplayed the rumors about his real-life sexuality. “There are lots of other reasons to be interested in gay characters than wanting myself to go out and have sex with guys,” he is quoted by Entertainment Weekly as saying.
Speculation about the well-groomed TV’s host sexuality has been so rampant, even his girlfriend Julianne Hough thought he was gay: “He totally wasn’t my type,” she said, according to TMZ.com. “I thought he was gay.” Several years earlier, Seacrest himself had addressed the rumors, noting, “I know a lot of gay males who I work with that are fantastic people and I love hanging out with them. But because I hang out and bring gay men into my life, does that mean that I’m gay? I promise you that I very much love women.”
Addressing speculation she might be a lesbian, the self-professed tomboy said she wasn’t bothered by the reports, adding, “People have sometimes told my grandmother, ‘Your granddaughter has a bit of lesbianism in her,'” Saldana said. “It’s that my sisters and I spent all our time among men. We were very popular with them. Our way of thinking is very masculine.”
In a 2008 interview with The New York Times, Queen Latifah addressed the rumors surrounding her sexuality, saying, “I don’t have a problem discussing the topic of somebody being gay, but I do have a problem discussing my personal life…I don’t care if people think I’m gay or not. Assume whatever you want. You do it anyway.”
More recently, in 2012, Latifah gave her first Gay Pride performance in Long Beach, Calif., where many were quick to say that the Hollywood A-lister had finally come out. Latifah spoke with Entertainment Weekly after the event and dispelled those thoughts, saying “that definitely wasn’t the case.”
Heartthrob Taylor Lautner, best known for his role as “Jacob Black” on “The Twilight Saga,” may have gotten the worst of it all when a fake People magazine cover leaked in 2011 with him on the cover and a caption that read: “Out and Proud.” Lautner spoke with GQ Australia earlier that year and refused those claims about his sexuality and proclaimed, “I’m straight.”
Hugh Jackman is no stranger to rumors about his sexuality. Despite being married with children, the “Les Misérables” leading man recently told the Hollywood Reporter that the gossip “bugs” his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness. He went on to talk about his infatuation with Furness, saying that she is “very beautiful” and “unbelievably fun.”
The late Whitney Houston was subject to rumors about her sexuality dating back to 1985. People speculated about her relationship with her childhood New Jersey friend, Robyn Crawford, who would become Houston’s assistant and creative director. In a January interview with Oprah, Houston’s mother, Cissy, spoke up about those rumors and said that she would “absolutely” disapprove if her daughter were gay.
Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender ally Whoopi Goldberg has long faced scrutiny about her sexuality. The Oscar-award winning actress and “The View” co-host once said in a 2006 New York Times interview: “No, I am not a lesbian. I describe myself as heterosexual. I think it is hard to have good relationships with anyone.”
Even the immortal Hulkster isn’t immune to gay rumors. After splitting with his ex, Linda Bollea, the former wife accused Hogan of being gay in her memoir, “Wrestling The Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes.” The retired wrestler appeared on “The Wendy Williams Show” last February and told the TV host, “Just to say something spiteful and hurtful, I don’t get it…if it was true and I was gay, I’d embrace it, and I’d tell you guys about it and I’d celebrate it.”
Disney starlet Raven-Symoné has faced years of speculation about her sexuality. The rumors first surfaced when a source told the National Enquirer last May that “Raven has hidden being gay for a long time now” and that she’s been linked with “America’s Next Top Model” contestant AzMarie Livingston. As a result, the “Cosby Show” child star took to Twitter and said: “My sexual orientation is mine, and the person I’m datings to know. I’m not one for a public display of my life.” She went on adding, “However that is my right as a HUMAN BEing whether straight or gay. To tell or not to tell. As long as I’m not harming anyone.”
Hollywood hunk Jake Gyllenhaal has faced gay rumors since he played a closeted gay cowboy in the academy-award winning film “Brokeback Mountain.” Gyllenhaal denounced such accusations when he appeared on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” in 2011, speaking about his relationship with his best friend and stylist whom he calls “baby.” Longtime friend Adam Levine called the rumors “very immature and infantile.”
Despite years of facing people’s thoughts that she may be bisexual, Mariah Carey addressed those rumors when she spoke with The Advocate in 2010. Carey said: “If it makes somebody happy to say that, then whatever, but that’s not the reality. I don’t have a discriminatory policy of who I’m friends with, so yes, I’m friends with women who are gay — gay, straight, it doesn’t matter to me. So I don’t get upset when I hear that, because it is what it is. I guess I could lie about it to seem more exciting.”
Daniel Radcliffe, who’s an outspoke advocate for LGBT rights, has taken the rumors about his sexuality in good stride. The “Harry Potter” star, who was told that he had a “gay face” by a random commenter on the Internet, said in an interview with MTV in 2010, “If people want to say that, they can. But I’m not. I’m straight.”
Trey Songz, the R&B singer known for such hits like “Bottoms Up” and “Can’t Help But Wait,” first encountered gay rumors when blogs started writing about the artist’s sexuality in 2009. Songz spoke on New York radio station Power 105.1, saying, “The first I heard about it was on a blog about a year ago and I remember the actual day because I was with my manager Kevin. He said, ‘Did you hear about this?’ He said we ignore stuff like that but I was hot (angry) because I love the ladies. What I’ve learned in this business is that people will make their own reality of whatever they want to.”
In December 2012, a Twitter pic of two men kissing surfaced that had everyone pointing their fingers, saying Songz was one of the men in the photo. Songz responded on Twitter, tweeting, “On my way to Virginia to spend the holidays with my family. No senselessness, lies or hate can take away my joy. #LOVE” In fact, the picture was taken from Enrique Araujo’s, who looks like Songz, Facebook.
Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, best friends and One Direction band members, have been subject to gay rumors for a while now. Tomlinson addressed the gossip saying that it’s started to affect how he and Styles conduct themselves.
“This is a subject that was funny at first, but now is actually hard to deal with in a relationship,” Tomlinson said. “Me and Harry are best friends, people look into our every move — it is actually affecting the way me and Harry are in public,” he is quoted as saying. “We want to joke around, but there seems to be a different rumor every time we do anything. I act the same way with Harry as I do [with] any of the other boys and my childhood friend Stan.”
He’s gay. She’s a lesbian. Both are each other’s “beards.” They are swingers.
Hollywood power couple Will and Jada Pinkett Smith have long faced an onslaught of rumors facing their relationship, hearing just about everything in the book. The two have also faced multiple divorce rumors with some saying the cause was due to their closeted sexual identities.
The Hollywood leading man Matthew McConaughey faced gay rumors surrounding his close relationship with cyclist Lance Armstrong. McConaughey spoke up and famously joked, “We tried it. Wasn’t for us.”
In May 2012, the actor spoke with The Advocate and talked at length about his gay fan base, his thoughts on the gay community and how he’d react if he were to have gay children. He also elaborated on his own gay rumors again, saying, “Well, I’m really secure in my skin. I’m heterosexual, and I’m just fine with that. Those rumors have to make the rounds, and I know that I was fun target for them.”
The country and gay icon Dolly Parton has seen her fair share of gay rumors, despite being married to her husband Carl Dean for 46 years. Parton’s relationship with her childhood best friend, Judy, was subject to speculation and the artist compared her rumors with that of Oprah’s, saying, “Like Gayle [King], her friend, Judy, my friend…they just think that you just can’t be that close to somebody,” Parton said. “Judy and I have been best friends since we were like in the third and fourth grade. We still just have a great friendship and relationship and I love her as much as I love anybody in the whole world, but we’re not romantically involved.”
Gay rumors have long swirled around R&B singer Ne-Yo and he’s constantly denied them. Ne-Yo, who is a father of two, spoke about all the gossip in a 2012 interview with Upscale magazine, saying, “That sh-t ate me alive…[I was] like where did that come from? Who are these people that have gone to such heights to try to make people believe this? They went all out with that story.”
Country superstar Kenny Chesney, who once was married to actress Renee Zellweger, got most of the heat from the gay rumors when Zellweger cited “fraud” in their annulment papers.
Chesney went on record in a 2007 “60 Minutes” interview and said, “It’s not true. Period. Maybe I should have come out and said, `No, I’m not (gay),’ but I didn’t want to draw any more attention to it…I didn’t have to prove to anybody that I wasn’t (gay). I didn’t feel like I really did.”
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