One Month. 33 courageous souls. Baring their truth about money. One story at a time. We’re hosting a free, month-long gathering this October to bring our money stories out of the shadows and into the light. To enrich and connect this dear community. To spread a message of healing and love even farther. To bring more depth and intimacy to our money relationships than ever before. Grab a cuppa tea. Curl up with your favorite blanket. Bring your journal and make some time to connect with your own heart’s truth. Don’t miss a single story. Sign up here to subscribe to the October Money Memoirs Series and get them delivered fresh in your inbox.
Jaime’s been in my community for several years, and I absolutely treasure her presence there. There’s something powerful and beautiful about her. She’s one of the most transparent folks I know, and I so appreciate her commitment to this work and her ability to dive deeper and deeper: within herself, within her money relationship, and within this community.
In this revealing Money Memoir, Jaime shares the intense ride money has been for her over the years: from childhood angst about it, through bankruptcy and divorce, to forgiveness, wealth, and “progress, not perfection.” Enjoy this thoughtful reflection from one of our soulful deep sea divers!
Jaime’s Money Memoir
1. How would you describe your relationship with money?
Over the years, money has gone from being the devil, the root of all evil, to being elevated to the Holy Balm for all that ails.
In my journey, I realize that neither of these extreme lenses of perception really gives to my sense of peace of mind. Now, I choose to see money as neutral and as a partner in co-creation, and I choose to see my desires as good and beneficial.
I want to live in a world where I know where my food comes from, and how it is grown.
I want to live in a world where health and well-being are natural states of being enjoyed by everyone.
I want to live in a beautiful world where artists are supported generously.
I want to live in a peaceful, joyful and productive world, and I see money as my partner in the co-creation of these realities.
With money, I can invest in local farmers, local artists, community projects, and holistic health care practitioners.
I can invest in myself, through education and supporting amazing educators in my community.
I believe in the work I do, and I allow money to support me in honing and polishing my ability to serve more in my community and in my world.
Like a solid, beautiful interpersonal relationship, my relationship to money creates a sense of stability, safety, trust, and confidence so that I can go out in the world and do what I am here to do.
2. What are your strengths around your relationship to money? What really works for you in this area? Where do you rock with money? What are you proud of?
I have an amazing ability to be honest, to take a real, honest look at reality, and to ask for help. To see how far I have come is a testament to Something Greater, and so I am also proud of my faith, and my ability to connect to faith in times of struggle and in times of celebration.
I am proud of the journey I have taken, the education, experience and confidence I have accumulated to raise my hourly rate into triple digits.
For me, this also involved learning to find balance so that people from any socio-economic group can benefit from the wisdom that I have gathered, and still keep my own thriving at the forefront of my consciousness, to really give to the sustainability of the work I offer. I want to be able to offer my services as long as I live, so I am very proud of continuing to learn how to do that.
I am also proud of the courage that I have grown within myself to be able to have challenging conversations about money, to face icky, sticky situations, and to access the faith, patience and self-love to be able to do the real work of cleaning my life up. I am proud of myself for doing my own deep and scary work, so that when I am supporting one of my clients, it is from a place of embodiment and experience.
On an extremely personal note, my honey and I have gone through very real and very scary challenges with money almost from the moment we started our relationship.
Having been married before, and really excavating that experience for its lessons, I know that I am 100% responsible for the creation of my experience. I am very proud of my ability and willingness to peel away my own stories and projections off of my sweetie, and really nurture the commitment to have a peaceful home that is founded in safety, trust, respect, and honesty with resources.
This was not always the picnic it is now, in fact, this relationship has certainly brought me to my edges.
Learning more about my own expressions of codependency, and beginning to unwind my unhealthy relationship strategies, and humble myself to learn new ways of relating to this new, beautiful and wonderful man has done us both a world of good.
After many deep sea dives into the great dark abyss of hopelessness, I am proud to arrive in this moment. We are not only creating peace and honesty with resources, but also joy, possibility and beauty in our co-creations.
Our relationship has made it through a very challenging and awkward first year of nakedness, and is moving into a new phase of abundance, and real fun. For that, I feel a deep sense of pride that I choose to commit and re-commit to Something Greater when the times got really murky, challenging and dark. I continue to keep the Light in my awareness, even when it means going really deeply within to find it.
I am proud in my belief that all healing is inevitable, my relationship with my sweetie, and with money included.
I rock with money because through my work with money, I discovered that I am a Pluto-cycle Initiator.
I facilitate death and re-birth cycles for the people I serve. This does not always involve physical death of the body, in fact, most of the time it doesn’t. We can claim a rebirth in any moment, allowing an old phase to die away, and planting seeds and growing new phases of life.
It has been through my journey with Bari that I not only came into a more beautiful relationship with money, but through diving deeply into this territory for myself, I also uncovered my own Soul’s work here on Earth.
This is also one of the areas that I rock: diving into my own depths, so that I can unflinchingly face another person’s darkest aspects of life and help to shine light, hope, and bring good orderly direction into seemingly hopeless situations.
I have been called a channel for the “Light side of the Dark Madonna,” because I can dive into these areas playfully, and with a sense of humor, all the while holding a space of reverence, respect and honor for all of our creations.
3. I believe everyone has money shame. What is the Money Shame story you tell yourself? How does this show up in your life and business?
My money shame roots back into my parents’ money shame. I say this without blame, but with real curiosity and intrigue.
My mother told me stories of the poverty she experienced by being one of nine children of my grandfather, who was an Italian immigrant and coal miner.
My father carried similar shame, but talked about his family history much less, so I can only piece it together as a bread-crumb trail.
These stories helped me to see why my parents strove to create wealth 24/7. Their lives, from my perspective, were totally and completely consumed with making sales, calling on customers, and presenting an image of wealth and success.
This is part of my money shame. My parents finally “arrived”…in a golf course neighborhood, with a boat, and fancy cars…and yet, what I really wanted from my parents was their time and Presence, rather than “stuff.”
I took the reality my parents were creating as a message that I did not have worth unless I was a high achiever and that external image was more important than reality.
I was very confused, and because of my interpretations, eventually I began to unconsciously reject money and wealth.
I remember times working as a personal trainer in the wealthiest of New Orleans country clubs, not having the money to eat, and having my power turned off, and an endless stream of bill collectors calling.
Low self-worth and money shame ran through every aspect of my life, personally and professionally. I used to tell myself that I didn’t really know what I was doing, even after 5+ years in the same industry and countless continuing education courses and certifications.
I told myself what I was offering wasn’t really that valuable, and money didn’t matter anyway. I believed I could survive without money, so I would not bother charging, collecting money, or even having the conversations with clients and students. All these beliefs were unconscious, and I would have certainly denied them if you pointed them out to me.
Through journaling and working with many gifted therapists, I began to slow down my thoughts enough to actually hear the thoughts I was using to sabotage myself. I think deep down, I knew I had what it takes to be wealthy and successful, and I was afraid that I’d become like my parents, and I did not want that, at all.
While these thoughts were running the show, I found any money conversation to be excruciatingly uncomfortable, I would just literally freeze up, or space out at that point in my personal training sessions, or after yoga classes. I would rather avoid it all together.
As I sit here, and reflect back, after 14 years in my career, I remember countless personal training clients leaving without paying, countless yoga students not paying, or me not marking their punch cards for classes, or failing to submit my hours when it was time for the gyms to pay me for sessions I’d completed. I knew it at the time, I just couldn’t even form the words to ask for payment.
This showed up in many disgruntled gym owners and yoga studio owners, who wanted to handle the paperwork and be paid for the classes I’d taught and the clients I’d seen.
A stream of negatively charged professional relationships followed me for years. Included in that stream of negativity was also disgruntled landlords, countless threatening letters from utility companies, days without power, without phone service, internet access, and even my car being repossessed.
The reality I was creating became so loud, I could no longer ignore it, and my therapeutic sessions, focused on recovery from trauma, began to shift focus to financial recovery.
Fast-forwarding, I came to realize that part of my healing was to love my parents, to forgive them, and to realize they were doing the best they could with what they knew. Over the years of this forgiveness process, I actually became very grateful for the beautiful vision of life they had for me, and for the privileges that I received through their hard work and determination.
There was no moving forward in my own life until I faced my past, came to understand it, and really got honest about how the stories I was telling myself kept me trapped in my own prison of resentment, confusion, ineffectiveness and paralysis.
I now realize that this journey I went through was a very important piece of my own healing, and a source of powerful wisdom that I can now offer my clients and students through my own clarity around the value of my service and the ease with which I can navigate conversations about money.
I am also very available for those clients and students who are walking with their own shame around money and resources. I feel a new sense of freedom to actually do the beautiful and valuable work I am actually here to offer the world.
I now fully accept myself as a wealthy woman, who is quite resourceful and capable of making a big impact and contribution to my community, and my world.
4. What was a really tough money experience you went through? Please share the gory details. What did you do to get yourself through this time? What did you learn from it, and what are you doing differently because of it?
When I moved to North Carolina, I struggled in getting solid jobs…my father had died the year before, and in my grief and mourning, I hastily moved away from my family in New Orleans to pursue a romantic relationship.
At the time that I moved, I was still really ungrounded, and I was receiving new insights about what life was really like for me in my family of origin, with the newfound clarity that only death of a parent can bring.
In that process, I was literally having trouble with daily functioning in this brand new town, and brand new era of my life. I was trying to “pull it together” to be a professional-looking personal trainer, life coach and yoga teacher.
In my confusion and overwhelm, I let my car payments get 2 months behind, and my car was repossessed. During that same month, I broke my wrist, needed surgery, got on painkillers, and began the process of a gigantic crash of self that I alternately pulled out of and fell back into for years.
I started to accumulate mail without opening it, student loans, cell phone bills, and I began to really live in a state of poverty, and deep denial.
Right around this time, a friend introduced me to Bari Tessler’s work, and she allowed me to begin working with her, even though I couldn’t afford the full tuition for her course.
I began the process of rebuilding my sense of integrity by entering into a gentle and honest relationship with Bari communicating about money.
This was in 2009, and fairly quickly into my relationship with money, the only solution I could come up with was declaring bankruptcy. To me, this was the very first step in facing things: getting help and following through with something through its conclusion.
Being in bankruptcy court was actually a tremendously spiritual experience for me; I was in a room with probably 50 people from all walks of life.
I got to hear the amounts for which people were declaring bankruptcy, some with millions of dollars, multiple properties, cars and boats, and I was declaring bankruptcy for just under $30,000. This amount seemed overwhelming to me, and it showed me that money issues really affect everyone, and seems to be a great equalizer.
I began to see beyond the amounts of money people are working with, and became able to see the similar patterns and habits that people have with their use and management of money. This became fascinating and liberating to me. I actually felt huge layers of shame peel away right there, at a time that I considered to be at rock bottom.
From this rock bottom, I began to rebuild my life, bit by bit. I took jobs cleaning homes, waiting tables, at the same time that I was creating my heart-centered work in the world. It really took daily work to shift my beliefs to release myself from shame, and it still does.
Now I have clear conversations about money, and I feel comfortable negotiating in my own business. I am still paying off some debts, and I am in good standing with the people and institutions to which I owe money. This is a monthly recommitment for me, I stay in contact and communicate honestly about where I am and what I can do, and then I do it.
I have much, much less fear in my body when I initiate these conversations. And the fact that I initiate the conversations is new for me, as well.
I used to hide and pretend the “monsters” weren’t there! Now, there really are no more monsters!
I see us all as equals, helping each other on our own journeys, whether I am on the receiving end of a money relationship, or a giving end, I can now have gratitude for all my money relationships, rather than fear.
What finally worked for me was to see the actual damage I was doing in the realm of business and personal relationships.
It also helped me to open up my vision to what was actually possible for me in the world, given my actual talents and abilities, dreams and drive. I became so uncomfortable with my old, stagnant self image, and the irresponsible and broken image I was creating in the outside world, that I became willing to do whatever it took to shift those images. This does not happen overnight, and is still a work in progress.
I can say now, that I enjoy the trust of my beautiful community, and I can look myself in the mirror with love, compassion, tenderness and understanding. I know that I make a beautiful difference in the world, and I see an infinite field of big, beautiful possibilities for myself in the future.
5. Do you have a money practice? What does this look like for you? (e.g. Do you attend to your money relationship through a daily, weekly, monthly, and/or yearly practice? Do you have money dates? Do you use a bookkeeping system? Do you have a ‘budget-plan’?)
My money practice is evolving. I do have money dates. As a yoga teacher, it took me 9 years to develop a daily yoga practice, and I still “fall off the wagon” with that practice. I am learning to gently guide myself back when I realize that I’m off.
Creating a money vision helps me. This involves looking at my basic expenses, and doubling them, and aiming for that number.
As a self- employed person, this is a monthly task that I enjoy. Now, I create ways to generate that money that are fun, and I am also open to other opportunities that may be less than my ideal work, so that I can joyfully stay in integrity with all the agreements I have made.
I look at all work opportunities as opportunities to serve, so that has shifted the jobs I am willing to take on, while I get more and more conscious with money.
This is all real progress for me, as everything was so entirely fuzzy and unclear before I began this conscious journey.
2012 was the first year I saved every receipt for the whole year, and had them organized according to the month. This helped me tremendously for making itemized deductions on my taxes this year, and resulted in a nice tax return.
This is much different tax story than I’ve had in the years before; there have been a couple years in the worst of it that I would have said, “Taxes? What taxes?” The mantra “Progress, not perfection” is very helpful for me in this realm.
My partner and I literally sit down with a candle and chocolate, get the bills out and we have gradually, over the past year and a half, turned this time into what is a more and more pleasurable time.
The focus is on handling shared responsibilities, and it is important to also weave in all the fun activities we are wanting to create in the month ahead, and plan out how we can make them happen. This, too, is a work in progress, one day at a time.
Non-violent communication techniques have really helped in this area, to get in touch with my own needs, and my partner’s needs when it comes to money conversations. These conversations have historically been full of anger, resentments, coldness, awkwardness…the whole gamut of human experiences…money dates are now getting to be more and more a source of pleasure and excitement, and teamwork, really giving to my sense of mutuality, order, and shared reality.
As part of my claiming interdependence, rather than codependence, it was actually a huge breakthrough for me to begin having my own money dates, and not waiting for my partner to join me.
I like to think of our shared life as a Venn Diagram, two circles, complete in themselves, that share an overlapping space. I see my personal money date as the care and feeding of my entire being, and our shared money date as the care and feeding of our shared space.
6. I believe our money relationship is never “handled”. We’re always evolving, upgrading, tweaking and expanding our money lives. What are you working on right now? What’s new for you emotionally, practically, or spiritually with money? What’s the next level for you? (e.g. Are you adding new financial support people to your team, Are you learning Quickbooks for the first time, are you working on receiving in a new way?)
It is new for me right now to be a student, again. My partner and I are both in a 1 year long massage therapy program, to become massage therapists, and we both took out loans to be able to do this. It was a huge deal for me, after coming through my own shame around the way I’ve handled debt in the past, to then take on a new debt.
This has brought our money dates strongly to the forefront as highly important for both of us…the sense of mutuality that I feel with my partner is new and exciting. We are both really excited about this new chapter of life, and can directly see the benefit of money dates and staying conscious and clear as we navigate student life.
On the horizon for me is moving to a quarterly tax system, and opening a business account for my business to begin to tease out personal and business expenses.
It is also a dramatic breakthrough on every level, personal and professional, for me to be able to add massage therapy to the list of healing services that I can offer my clients and yoga students.
7. What’s the most important nugget of money wisdom that you would wish to pass on to young people? What is the Money Legacy you would wish to leave?
Money in itself is a neutral tool. As a powerful human, I get to get really clear how I want to use this tool.
Like a hammer that can be used to build a beautiful building, or to smash our thumbs, money is the same way.
As a beautiful and wonderful human being, I am not defined by the amount of money I have or don’t have. That can be so easy to forget, for me. I can place my value and worth on the amount of money that I have, or how far out of alignment I am with my finances.
These things do not define me; I define myself. It is a lot easier to have high self esteem when I am doing esteemable acts! When my words and actions are in alignment, especially around my money practices, I am actually loving myself in a very tangible way.
For those of us who do enjoy privilege, we get the honor and responsibility of making choices that are healthy for our own bodies, our communities, and our planet. We can actually use our money and the way we spend it, to shift the way the next 7 generations experience life on this planet.
There are many young people who are successfully convincing major universities to divest from the fossil fuel industries. This gives me so much hope. At this time in our planet’s history, we really need all hands on deck, thinking creatively about the future of our people and our planet.
These problems will not be solved the same way they were created. And the way I see it, creating a new way to work with money is at the heart of this discussion.
Even given all that is going on globally, I still strongly believe in the power of the rippling effect of the individual and individual families. The way I choose to nurture my self in relationship with money, and to nurture my family members when it comes to money conversations, has the potential to catalyze a global revolution. Let’s use our powers for good!
About Jaime
Jaime D. Powell is an ally for humanity, a creative courageous genius, and the founder of Transformative Arts Collaborations and Prosperity Circles. Recently she has served as space holder and life coach at Sacred Circularities in Bali, Indonesia, and for Hoop Convergence in Effland, North Carolina.
She serves a widely varying spectrum of clients personally as a life coach, from very young, creative children, to mothers being reborn, world-traveling adventurers, and rock-star college students. Born and raised in New Orleans, Jaime was exposed to a very unique culture, and dealt with many big topics very early on, such as addiction, violence, attention span, body image and food issues, and financial scarcity mentalities.
Fourteen years ago, at age 21, Jaime realized that she wanted to dedicate her life to being an advocate and ally for people, and so she created a style of life coaching incorporating yoga, journaling, movement, personal fitness training, and compassionate listening and communication modalities as a way to create intentionally amazing and meaningful lives. She operates from the radical paradigm that struggle is optional, and real dynamic transformation is as natural as breathing, sleeping and moving.
hoopgroupcoaching.com
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