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It looked forgettable on paper, but with the pressure on WWE to deliver after their developmental territory threatened to run the best show of the week in Thursday’s NXT Takeover, they pulled out a decent offering in last night’s WWE Payback. As Chicago cried out for the return of their beloved son, CM Punk, all night, John Cena and Bray Wyatt wrestled a potential Match of the Year contender as Cena won their Last Man Standing feud-ender. Brie Bella quit her job and slapped Stephanie McMahon rather than forcing Daniel Bryan to choose whether to drop the WWE World Championship or see her fired. The Shield swept Evolution in a main event No Holds Barred, 6-man tag-team elimination match. Sheamus and Bad News Barrett retained their US and IC Championships against Cesaro and Rob Van Dam respectively. Meanwhile the winning streak of Rusev continued against Big E, Paige kept her Divas Title against Alicia Fox, Cody Rhodes and Goldust looked to be finished after another loss to Rybaxel and Kane interfered in Bo Dallas’ match with Kofi Kingston to destroy Kofi.
Here’s the best of the night’s action, according to Twitter:
CM Punk opted to troll the entire world to start the night…
I love you Chicago.
— Coach (@CMPunk) June 1, 2014
He speaks the truth…
Hornswoggle/El Torito is the Flair/Steamboat of our generation. #WWEPayback — Christopher hynes (@BuckHynes) June 1, 2014
We operate on a higher tolerance to dizziness on account of our collective alcohol dependency, see…
“You can’t dizzy an Irishman” is the new “You can’t headbutt a Samoan”.
— Davis Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) June 2, 2014
It’s science…
To determine how many times Cesaro rotates in the Swing, divide the last number shouted by the audience in half. — Kayfabe News (@KayfabeNews) June 2, 2014
Paddy Englishman and Scotsman hung out on commentary…
The Swiss guy almost beat the Irish guy with a German suplex for the US Title. See kids, this is why you took geography #WWEPayback
— WWE Creative Humor (@WWECreative_ish) June 2, 2014
Works a treat when you put it on your Ryback…
Have I mentioned that Rybaxel sounds like acne medication? — Look at the Adj. (@Miss_Dani_Baby) June 2, 2014
Except you need a chisel, not just sweat, to get the gold off their face…
Goldust’s worn off face-paint look is generally what North-East women look like on Saturday nights.
— MaffewOfBotchamania (@Maffewgregg) June 2, 2014
After the Brotherhood lost, Cody told Goldust he wasn’t the partner he deserved…
BOOKER-T AND GOLDUST ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!! #WWEPayback — Rick Nash (@AMTRick) June 2, 2014
This actually lasted longer than the match itself…
Are they going to have a flag off? Who can swing harder & long enough? #WWEPayback
— Wolfe_B!+CH (@Wolfe_BOO) June 2, 2014
Sure, why not? What else are they doing with him anyway?
Hacksaw Big E Duggan #WWEPayback — Don Marnell (@LandfillKennedy) June 2, 2014
The Internet desperately clamoured for some kinda hope that Punk would show up. Unfortunately…
@thewadekeller Yes he has. pic.twitter.com/EH3TfyBOo0
— En (@HiMyNameIsEnis) June 2, 2014
Rusev surprisingly beat Big E in little to no time…
Well, that settles it. Russia is now officially the greatest country on earth. Sorry, USA. — Kayfabe News (@KayfabeNews) June 2, 2014
#ItsBoTime…I could see this working…
Is Bo Dallas the @WWE‘s answer to @TimTebow ? #Payback
— Jim Ross (@JRsBBQ) June 2, 2014
Before hay barns and bald eagles ruined it all…
The real Wyatt Family… pic.twitter.com/b5udFUoh0L — WrestlingINC.com (@WrestlingInc) June 2, 2014
I smell a Total Divas storyline…
I say @WWEDanielBryan keeps the title. If his wife leaves him, it’s ok. She has a twin sister. #Payback @wwe
— Corey Graves (@WWEGraves) June 2, 2014
This is the joke for when Brie gets ridiculously drunk, but sure it also works for slapping Stephanie after you quit your job…
BRIE MODE!!!!! — The Bella Twins (@nicoleandbri) June 2, 2014
The comparison was obvious, really…
BRAY WYATT SING GOOD BUT NOT LIKE THE NIKOLAI VOLKOFF BUBBA #WWEPayback
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) June 2, 2014
Mike Rotunda = Big Daddy Evil…
Undertaker – Big Evil Bray Wyatt – Necessary Evil Bo Dallas – Bo-Lievil #WWEPayback — Don Marnell (@LandfillKennedy) June 2, 2014
He’s won the World Title, got married, his father has died, his Make-A-Wish kid passed, he suffered a career-threatening injury and now…
If Brie is actually pregnant then I think we can confirm: Daniel Bryan has just lived the most dramatic two months in history. #WWEPayback
— Rick Nash (@AMTRick) June 2, 2014
That’s a Texas Last Man Standing match you’re thinking of…
You know how you win a Last Man Standing match? WITH A GUN. — Cartoon Dave (@DaveMuscarella) June 2, 2014
Ohhhh yeaaaahhh…
Isn’t Cena using a chair what Wyatt wanted in the first place? #WWEPayback
— TableofJapan (@TableofJapan) June 2, 2014
Cena did this ridiculous spot…
No man should be able to throw steps like that outside of a video game. #WWEPayback — WWE Creative Humor (@WWECreative_ish) June 2, 2014
The Wyatt Family interfered just moments after…they interfered the first time…
Is this match on a loop?
— rovert (@SoDuTw) June 2, 2014
@HEELWrestling They got stuck in some revolving doors. — #BeardofTsu (@BeardOfTsu) June 2, 2014
Eventually Cena won after putting Bray through an equipment case before pushing another case on top of that to trap him…
Other ways to end a Last Man Standing match: Super glue, leg amputation, tearing off your opponent’s pants so he’s embarrassed to stand.
— Davis Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) June 2, 2014
It’s so cool that this is a serious wrestling gimmick…
Press. The. Button. pic.twitter.com/sJJETRlVkG Time for #JUSTICE! #BELIEVEinTheSHIELD at #WWEPayback! — The Shield (@TheShieldWWE) June 2, 2014
The Internet exploded when Batista came out in ridiculous blue gear…
”If you’re seeing Batista dressed like Doug Furnas, it means you’ve drank too much Mountain Dew and should ring an ambulance.”
— MaffewOfBotchamania (@Maffewgregg) June 2, 2014
Batista look like the fucking smurfs #WWEPayback — The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) June 2, 2014
We did it guys, we did it…wait, Alex Riley?!?!
Trending Worldwide for #WWEPayback: #Bluetista The Shield vs Evolution Alex Riley
— WWE (@WWE) June 2, 2014
Evolution got rough to try and win the No Holds Barred, 6-man tag…
OH NO, EVOLUTION REMOVED ROMAN’S KEVLAR VEST (+2 DEFENSE TO CHEST ATTACKS) — THE ULTIMATE MARK (@ULTIMATEMARKOUT) June 2, 2014
But then got swept 3-0…
The Shield beat Evolution. Take that, Darwin. #WWEPayback
— WWE Creative Humor (@WWECreative_ish) June 2, 2014
Meanwhile in CM Punk’s world…
Somehow we all knew it would come to this. OT. Western conference final. Here. We. Go. — Coach (@CMPunk) June 2, 2014
WWE Payback Quick Results
Hair-vs-Mask: EL TORITO over HORNSWOGGLE
US Champion, SHEAMUS over CESARO
RYBAXEL over CODY RHODES & GOLDUST
RUSEV over BIG E
KOFI KINGSTON vs. BO DALLAS ends in a No Contest after KANE attacks
Intercontinental Champion, BAD NEWS BARRETT over ROB VAN DAM
Last Man Standing: JOHN CENA over BRAY WYATT
Divas Champion, PAIGE over ALICIA FOX
No Holds Barred 6-Man Elimination Tag: THE SHIELD over EVOLUTION
Rick Nash is a former professional wrestler, the co-host of Balls.ie’s official WWE podcast, Low Blows, and the founder of WWE Parties Ireland. He is also a DJ and terrible sports gambler, so feel free to share some tips with him on Twitter.
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