Just wondering how other mums handled feeling like a failure for not being able to breast feed? It was really important to me but due to poor supply I have to top up with formula.have tried medication to boost supply but so far its not working.
Hi everyone, I have created a group called Breast Isn’t Always Best – The bottle feeders support group designed for mums who couldn’t breast feed and want to talk to other mums that also tried and couldn’t and just want to talk about it and get support! This is not a group to sledge mums who do breast feed, we think u are awesome! But this is a group for those who couldn’t.. This follows a woman who committed suicide due to the pressures of breast feeding, post natal depression and lack of support! Please join or share with those who may need it https://www.facebook.com/groups/463920723718316/ Jenna
I never felt like a failure when I couldn’t continue to breast feed, what hurt and upset me was the pressure other mums and society put on mums that are unable too like we are failures and they are heroes. My toddler is strong and healthy and I know I’m a great mum Aleesa
I had a couple of midwives who were very unhappy with me for not exclusively breastfeeding. I just thought “stuff them” and walked away. The arguments people throw around about it is ridiculous! Rachael
My baby screamed, lost weight and generally didn’t thrive due to low milk supply. It broke my heart to start using formula but she became a happy, thriving baby. My every action in life is to make her happy and keep her thriving so if formula does that I can cope with it. Focus on the result not the action. Rose
I think it’s completely ridiculous the amount of pressure placed on us to breast feed, of course we end up feeling like failures if it’s unsuccessful! Some of us persist so much and are pushed so far we end up depressed and with a starving underweight, undernourished infant.. What’s healthy and ‘best’ about that? It can be extremely difficult and sometimes impossible, some of us even choose not too (but aren’t allowed to admit it). Don’t worry, a healthy happy mum and bub is by far the best, much more important than breast milk but I have been in your shoes, one day you’ll look back and realise the misguided perspectives of some and how unfair it all is! Lisa
I felt extreme guilt with not being able to breast feed my little boy. Took me a long time not to cry over it. But as someone said to me…look in a school yard and point out a breastfed child and a formula fed child. You can’t. Lauren
As a first time mum I was so excited to be able to experience the whole lot of unique new mum experiences we are told about in books and advice given to us. One I was apprehensive about was breast feeding and this was only based on my naive assumption that since I’m not exactly blessed in the chest department I wouldn’t be able to do it but was very willing to give it my best shot. My daughter was born at 36w after a very fast labour 3hrs total and due to the shock was told my body had to wait to catch up in my milk coming in, in that time my daughter was in special care and I was advised to try expressing and was doing this every half hour to hour in the beginning to bring it in. This was monitored and given advice from everyone and anyone around me and regardless of all the right things I did, I had nothing. I went on prescription meds to assist in making more, and I recall so vividly after a full two days of full on pumping and when I was not pumping was drinking like a camel, all the right foods and stresses taken away (as much as possible with bubs in scn), I had finished my last attempt and was bottling the entire two days worth of just under 30ml and missed the bench and the pittance is managed fell to the floor! I sat there in tears at the failure I was at not being able to do what is supposed to be the most basic and natural thing to come to us, as natural as carrying and birthing a child. I was literally crying over spilt milk and I was pained beyond more than I ever expected. I then saw my gp who was going through it all to me and she said that it was ok for me to not do it, I was a great mum for wanting to try and like all aspects of life there are different people, there are milk cows and there are meat cows, I just happened to be a meat cow who’d given birth. When I knew in my heart of hearts I had tried everything I could I felt that I was doing the right thing by my child and myself by giving her the best possible chance and to do that I had to accept I couldn’t give her that by breast feeding but by bottle and formula feeding. Once I had decided to accept this I researched the different kinds of formula available, chose the one I thought right for us and went with it, my beautiful little girl thrived, she gained weight so fast and was off her drip in less than two days after as she just wanted more food. It’s a mind struggle for us as we are drilled that the best way is breast and we need to think of the repercussions formula can bring but for me it was the best thing to feel that I was allowed to try another option and it wasn’t a failure, what would have been a failure to our situation would have been to not try other options and be ok with it. If your child is hungry they need food, how you supply it to them shouldn’t be so important, it’s that they are actually getting it that’s the most important thing and other people especially other mothers should be more accepting of those who either can’t or don’t want to breast feed, it’s hard to do and sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you try, you just can’t and you need support and others to tell you that your doing a wonderful job and you are not a failure rather than scrutiny and pressure. Good luck with it all, and don’t be hard on yourself, you are doing your best and that is all you can do. Lisa
The best thing I was told by a dr from neonatal at King Edward was: the best thing is to give your baby nutrients; where it comes from is secondary. It helped me to understand that I am actually doing the best thing for my child. For those ppl who challenged me (yes ppl do) I bluntly reply ‘would you rather I let my child starve?’ Jemima
I wish I had met that doctor, everyone at KEMH I was dealing with forced the breast is best manifesto. They also didn’t bother to check the medications I was on and kept giving them to me, I found out recently the blood pressure meds could severely harm my bub through breast milk. For this am I actually thankful that my boobs didn’t work. It could have killed him. Nita
I was truly blessed!! It really does boil my blood when ppl say breast is best, because that isn’t true. Everyone has different circumstances, and there is often underlining reasons why someone is feeding their child with a bottle, medication, don’t produce milk, bubs having latching problems. I have never met someone who ‘choose’ to formula feed, even if they did it is what will work best for mum and bubs!! Jemima
I had a horrible birth and was required to be surgically put back together while they where trying to keep my blood levels high enough to survive. I officially flat lined 3 times and was left with a blood count of 51 (and that was after transfusions during surgery). Countless different drugs were given to me but they saved my life. After I’d woken the doctor said don’t dare breast feed. I’ve managed to save your life so be thankful your here to hold him but don’t now give him what drugs I’ve had to give you through your milk. I needed to do what i did and I’m sorry, Look after mummy and let the village look after him. Was fantastic advice. But the number of people who still went on about how I should have complained that the doctor didn’t use breast feeding friends medications. Great when it works and I’ve support my girl friends who have done it. I’ve also supported too many girlfriends who ended up post natal cause they couldn’t. Jolene
At first i did, but once i let go of that feeling, i could see clearly…i could feed my baby(s) good formula, they are loved and hubby could help. Not everyone can bf…so please dont worry, you do what you can do and as long as you and baby are healthy it doesnt matter. Kirstie
Let’s just correct something. It’s not a failure not being able to breast feed. Every woman and child is different. We need to take the pressure off women that breast is the only way. Jane
Breast is best………BUT ……. a happy content baby, a sane father and a well rested, calm mother is far more important than worrying if the baby’s food came out of a boob or a can. Realistic perspective is the key Shirley
I think our midwives have to be retrained to have some compassion for all mummies – whether it’s your 1st or 5th, standing over us and forcing babies onto the breast to breast feed is sending us into guilt overdrive when we don’t succeed. With my second, he was so hungry that he was on the breast all day and all night and when he and I were both exhausted and he was screaming the hospital down at 4am, being told I had to sign a legal waiver to give him a bottle of formula and having a midwife roll her eyes at me sent me to tears. I just wanted to feed my baby who was so hungry his belly was rumbling. We need support and guidance, not lectures and eye rolling Sallie
I got very depressed and was fixated on the feeling of not being societies perfect mum !!!! I cried , I was miserable , I didnt hold my baby for 24hrs My husband was patient however took it upon himself to buy bottles and formula …. There was silence , my baby wasnt screaming – she was snuggled on my husbands lap taking her bottle Its not about what they are fed, its how they are fed My babe was hungry and I couldnt give her what she neededDont waste another day on the debate, bottle up and be the strong woman your child needs you to be Brooklyn
Forget breast is best. It’s simply not true for so many reasons. Remind yourself that your LO is getting the very best. They are loved and cared for by an amazing mum. As they grow you will see just what a good job you are doing. Marianne
Im going through this at the moment. Feel like a failure that I couldnt give my son the best possible start (I did manage 2weeks) and maintain that wonderful connection with him that breastfeeding gives between Mum and baby. However seeing him so much already more settled and happy, I realise im making the right decision. But it is heart breaking for me when I had my heart set on it for him. Also it was my sons tongue tie and the way he suckes that was the main cause so nothing I had control over… im also learning that there are so many other ways to connect with him. Bec
Becca you are a wonderful mother and you both tried so hard but at present he looks very healthy and happy. You can only do what you can and he is so beautiful.We are very proud of you both for producing a little man so perfect. So many of us mothers experience the same issue, I was one but my main concern at the time was that my boys were both happy and contented and they were. They both grew to be strong and healthy. You also have to continue to look after yourself and get some sleep to move forward. It will all fall into place gradually. You know we are around for any help even if it is just keeping up the cuddles. Love you all.xxxx Denise
Well done to all the mothers who tried but couldn’t b/f. For any first time mums to be, do what’s best for your baby. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed to use formula. A happy mum makes a happy baby and vice versa. Sarah
I cant feel my baby move, wont be able to deliver naturally nor am I allowed to breast feed. I have Multiple Scerosis n need my meds within hr after bub delivered and I already feel like failure. Had one lady ask me why I bothered getting pregnant if I cant do anything good. I have a month to go and struggling with how am I going to bond if I miss out on so much. Midwives I have seen so far are very cruel. Really thought I would b able to feel bub move at least but nothing. My partner friends r great but really dreading hospital stay. Joanie
My daughter couldn’t breastfeed, it wasnt a lack of milk as I had heaps, it wasnt because I didnt try because I did, it was because her mouth literally couldnt do it. The nurses at the hospital just kept telling me to persevere, one night I broke down in tears and they wouldnt let me leave the hospital until she was feeding from breast milk, I was never offered formula even though I know they had it. When we were discharged I was feeding her using a medicine syringe. Next time around I will try breast feeding, but I won’t be bullied if it doesn’t work because that’s how I felt when I couldn’t do it. Claire
I had the same experience with my first daughter. There was a lot of pressure and unfortunately I also had low supply. After trying numerous things including Domperidone and seeking professional assistance and advice, along with my daughter actually being below birth weight after 6 weeks I finally saw sense and went straight to formula. Was the best thing I ever did, was a completely different bub immediately after that first bottle! My husband was also able to share in feeding her which was fantastic bonding for him as well. I am currently pregnant with my second and am prepared that if the same thing happens I’m not going to beat myself up about it. It just doesn’t happen naturally or come easy for everyone! As long as you have a happy, settled and healthy bub that’s all that matters Julia
Couldn’t breastfeed both of my kids. The first time I had no idea she wasn’t getting enough milk so ended up being very malnourished and lost a lot of weight in the first two weeks. I felt terrible. But you work through it and I ended up just being okay with the fact that I could still give my baby what she needed through formula feeding. There are so many other judgemental mothers out there so every time I bottle feed I found myself having to relive my pain as I explained my actions to every person who looked at me. There is a definite level of guilt involved…. you just have to find a way to be okay with it. My second child I didn’t get milk through either so I was a little better equipped to deal with it as I had been through it all before and this time I offered no explanation, if someone else has a problem with it ….. I have a beautifully manicured middle finger nail that they would get to inspect. Lisa-Marie
I really don’t like the question which suggests I should even feel like a failure for not being able to breast feed. My first born I stopped feeding at 10 weeks as I needed to return to work. My second and third I only fed for about 2 weeks each. As it transpired they both have allergies and ended up on specialised formula. I do not, nor did I at any stage consider myself a failure for not long term breastfeeding my children. My children, my choice. Cate
As long as bub is getting fed you ARE NOT a failure!!!!! The fact you are worried stressed and upset about it is further evidence you are a success and will continue to be a successful and great mummy!!!!!!!!!!! Lysette
Breast is not always best. If its not good for mum. Its not good for bubs. As long as bubbys eating thats the main thing. Dont beat urself up. Mel
I breastfeed my son for the first week but I couldn’t continue breastfeeding so had to put him on formula. I had my heart set on breastfeeding for a minimum of six months but my body just wouldn’t let me! I would cry every time he wanted a feed and it was my hubby that said to me that we should try him on formula and we did and we haven’t looked back! It upset me so much that I couldn’t breastfeed my son and I cried every time I fed him. This went on for a good couple of days. I would even apologise to my little man when I fed him because I couldn’t breastfeed him I felt like I had failed as a mother and I think that’s what upset me the most . At the end of the day you have to make the right decision for your child and if that is formula because you cannot breastfeed then that is what you do. The aim important thing is that your child is being fed and is getting what they need . Don’t feel bad though! I’m sure you are an amazing mummy ! Cindy
As my son has started eating solids, I feel less guilty. We were doomed from the start. He was born just before Christmas, I had a 4th degree tear, followed by emergency surgery, a bad reaction to the surgical anaesthetic, a 5 day stay in hospital where no one really bothered to ‘help’ me learn to breastfeed. By the time we were discharged, they discovered bubs had lost almost 15% of his body weight. What followed was a 3 hour feed/pump/top up cycle, where I stopped eating and sleeping, which in turn stopped my milk supply. In recent months, my son was diagnosed with torticollis, and a lip and tongue tie…no one bothered to look at either of those whilst we were in the hospital! It explains why he either screamed, and/or fell asleep on the boob… Emma
Do what is right for bubs, if u can’t breast feed that’s ok as long as bubs is getting fed that is the main thing Amanda
My mum always told me don’t worry about it there are so many other things you can fuck up in your kids life and when they are standing in front of a jury they won’t be asked if they were breast fed or bottle fed! This would make Me laugh and it’s so true Tara
You are feeding your baby, where that comes from your baby will not remember I’d they were breastfeed or bottle feed. It make no different to them…..put yourself in your baby’s shoes. Elita
I felt guilty that I couldn’t with my first… I learnt after that and chose not to breastfeed for my second… without the guilt. A baby that has a full stomach and sleeps is better than breast milk that does not not fill his/her stomach. Feel proud you realised this Sue
My baby suddenly had to go to NCIU after a couple of days and I had been breast feeding up until that point. All the nurses kept shoving breast feeding down my throat and made me pump, but the stress of having a baby on all those monitors made my supply dwindle. I tried so hard as I really wanted her on my milk – even taking tablets and fenugreek tea. I just couldn’t give her enough. At the end of the day I wanted her content and given what she needed to thrive – that was formula. I’ve learnt that breast feeding is not alas easy as we all think! But there are a lot of smart and well adjusted people walking around who didn’t have breast milk! Give yourself a break and give your baby what it needs – food, security and love and it will be fine! Jasmine
I had the same. It was disappointing but most important was that my daughter had to eat. So I stepped over it. I had done my best and that’s all I could do. What not is, is not. Alexandra
This has just happened to me. I had great supply n thn when she got sick (cold) my supply went straight dwn. This has made me feel like a failure nw. But at least i know people are gng through the same thing so it hasnt made me feel as much of a failute Kendrah
If you’ve tried everything you can to breastfeed you should feel nothing but proud Elana
After a difficult pregnancy and his first 10 days on nicu, I was still bfing. After 8 weeks of nil weight gain, multitudes of medications. 3 x episodes of mastitis along with 2 x nipple infections and thrush, his paediatrician told me enough was enough. Went to formula, with 2 weeks he was back to his birth weight and back on the charts for weight. I feel like the opposite of a failure – I tried and did the best for my child. I dare anyone to tell me different. You are an amazing mum because you are doing what is best for your child. Xx Kirstie
I was like that with my first. Dont feel like you failed because you haven’t. You tried, which is better than not trying. I went on to have another 2 babies that I fully breastfed one till 13 months and the other till 22 months my supply was great with them. I am now 30 weeks pregnant with my 4th and intend to BF but if for some reason I can’t then that’s ok too. Patricia
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your mental health is more important too so stop yourself from these negative feelings of failure. Your love for this child is the most important. I to am going through the same thing. I am now co feeding and it’s great my little one wasn’t putting any weight on despite the fact I was stuck on a lounge for nearly 6 hrs one day breastfeeding. As women we should respect eachothers decisions whatever they may be and everyone needs to stop comparing eachothers parenting and childrens development to for that matter. Good luck. Kim
Dont feel guilty. I did and hate that from time to time i still do. My supply still is well and truely up there but my baby girl just wasnt putting on weight. She would feed for an hour every 2 hours and at her 6 week check up had still only put on 400grams. My doc told me to mix feed and all i could think and feel was i failed her. She is now 11 weeks old and is doing great. If you are doing what is best for bub you havnt failed Rachel
Just be positive & focus on loving your baby. Don’t beat yourself up about something you can’t change, your bub will grow into a lovely & healthy person. By the time your bub is a couple of years old who will even care if you breastfed or not? Being happy is the best thing you can do for your bub. Too many women get bullied about formula feeding & I think this leads to unnecessary depression & worry, when those negative emotions could be put into raising your bub. Fiona
I hate the pressure society puts on mums when it comes to breast feeding. Yes it is good, but is it really best? What is best is a happy, healthy baby. If you have a happy baby that is thriving and gaining weight regardless of where their source of milk is coming from, then surely that is best. Breastfeeding isn’t the be all to end all. Mums know best, so you do what you feel right doing. Don’t worry about what society thinks! I’m sure you’re doing a great job Alana
You do what you have to do to get your baby fed. It’s no one else’s business how this is done and you definitely do not need to feel guilty about your choices. Good on you for giving it a crack, well done. No one has the right to judge another mother Vym
Hey! So sure thing breast is best but zero shame in formula feeding. Just for a snap shot of how times have changed – my Gran’s mum couldn’t breast feed – so she fed my gran bottles of (I assume watered down) condensed milk! Imagine that now?! My Gran was a mum of 6 and had 22 grankids, full happy life and outlasted my pop. Don’t fret. Such a small thing in the grand scheme! Vivien
I went through it twice. First time I thought it was just because I was a first time mum struggling to do everything alone. Pushed and pushed for 6 weeks whilst my little one starved and then went to formula. With my second, I vowed I would succeed, bought a pump, took medication, changed diet, still failed. Don’t feel guilty. Choosing formula is the best you can do for a hungry baby if you have little to no milk. Breast feeding is great and women who can feed are amazing, but we have to start being more considerate to those of us who physically can’t do it. You are doing the best you can, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for your choice Sallie
It makes me sad to see how many mothers out there feel like a failure because of issues they have with breastfeeding! You gave it a go and you did a great job and now you’re doing a fantastic job in realising that your baby needed that bit extra! Don’t let society get to you and make you feel like a failure when in fact you’re doing great. Tiffany
I felt like a failure after not being able to feed my first son but felt absolutely no guilt when I couldn’t breastfeed my 2nd little man- want to know why..? Because I saw how my first son thrived on formula no fussy unsatisfied bub, no cracked sore nipples, no stress & that made us both happy was the same with transitioning my now 7wk old onto a bottle- was the right decision for us for sure! I understand the feelings of failure & guilt but they only stem from societal pressure on mums when we should support one another- you’re doing a good job mumma xx Ashleigh
Sounds EXACTLY like me!! But you know what I found out… Hind sight is great and it doesn’t matter… Your Bub has had some breast milk and as long and mum and Bub are happy and healthy that’s all that matters! Chin up chicky! Celeste
I comp fed my first bub after starving her for a week – yep, bad mumma but I had pnd and didn’t realise that she wasn’t getting what she needed… The only failure that a parent can inflict on their child is to act contrary to their needs. Your baby needs to be feed – you feed them any way you can. Yesmin
It sounds to me like you are still breastfeeding (as you refer to top up). Breastfeeding isn’t a pass or fail, and it’s no longer live or die. It sounds like you have sought the information you need and have exhausted all avenues (LC, weighted feeds, SNS) so you have done an amazing job. Your baby is being fed and you are caring for him/her…Also, I think this is worth reading: http://www.pinkymckay.com/every-breastfeed-is-a-success/ Teya
I had awful guilt about failing at it. Now, 2 months on I have a happy, healthy baby girl and that’s all that matters. It’s tough when even the formula packets say “breast is best”…. But it’s not best if they didn’t work! Don’t be hard on yourself but it does take time to get over the guilt. Also, don’t let people put you down or make you feel bad….easier said than done but it gets easier. Good luck! Shan
I was lucky to have an amazing midwife who put it in perspective for me. I’m still feeding my child. Boob or bottle doesn’t matter. If you have to top up power to you for knowing what your child needs You’re wonderful and doing a great job Erin
My first 2 bottle feed this time breastfeeding, my first two didn’t suck properly caused all types of problems this time I have any issues so far. (knock on wood) please don’t fell like a failure, I did and it’s unneeded pressure at such an important time.With bottles you still get to bond with bubs so don’t worry about anything you are doing a great job! Jodi
Yes, as a first time mum i tried but i couldnt get passed the pain. All my gfs where bfing, and i felt like such a failure having to nottle feed. Then my bub got terrible constipation and i cried for days. I had no support. Second time round with naby number to i promised i wouldnt give up trying to bf and damn was it painful!! But 9mths later we r still bfing and bub is thriving. Its possible. I went through hell in the first wks, bleeding nipples, blickd ducts, the lot! The trick for me was to get through one day at a time. Penny
I got very emotional about not being able to breast feed! I lost a lot of blood during the birth of my daughter & was told my milk might take a little longer than usual . After 2 and a half days of trying to even syringe any little drop there was into her mouth the midwife suggested they try formula, she finally slept for the first time & it put my mind at rest that she wasn’t starving. After 8 days of trying to express, there was still nothing so I gave into it & kept her on the formula. I think a lot of it is the pressure that’s put on us to breast feed- I was being told to keep trying, keep trying, which was stressing me even more. Nothing wrong with a formula fed baby if that’s what mum has decided! Lisa
My midwife told me no baby ever died from being formula feed. Just remember at the end of the day if formula keeps your babe happy and feed that’s what really matters Kirsty
I felt guilty. But after a while I saw how great she was doing with formula and that helped. Nicolee
Don’t beat yourself up of your can’t. I had the exact same issue. I didn’t take medication to try and increase it though. I was borderline depressed although never admitted it. Ignore all the pro breast feeding people who make you feel like Crap and do what is best for you and bub Wendy
Looking at my daughter wen having to top up with formula made it so much easier to deal with as I could see she was getting full and being more content my supply decreased more and more and once I decided to put her on formula exclusively I have Neva looked back as she was happier and putting on weight so I had no more guilt I felt so guilty that she wasnt getting her needs met with me bf she was always hungry its her needs that need to be met most importantly not what was important to me I soon realised I wasn’t a failure I did wat I could and the best I could do. Don’t feel like a failure u have the most amazing blessing and as long as ur baby is healthy and gaining weight with formula ur no failure ur a loving mum. My daughter is now 8mths and is the happiest, healthy most content baby girl. Kristy
Bottle or breast, whatever you are able to do is what’s best Ebony
I always wanted to breast feed, but unfortunately it was getting to be too painful (bub is possibly tongue tied) and I wasn’t producing enough so we started mix feeding. Tried lactation vitamins to boost supply when expressing but it wasn’t helping and we had to go to formula only. Bub is healthy and growing as she should. So far, no one I’ve told has said anything negative which has helped but even if they did it wouldn’t bother me. My partner and I talked about what to do before we decided to introduce formula and as she is our bub it was our decision. Her health is important so making sure she was getting enough was why we went that way. Sarah
Omg no failure not at all!! Omg wouldn’t have even passed my mind. How about massive success you’ve just created a special little baby as long as that baby is being fed. Your doing an amazing job. Keep it up! ! Xx Lisa
I had a lot of trouble BF my first, I was in agony. Because she never fed well at the start it affected my supply. I got some medication from the doctor to boost my supply and i expressed. In the end I had to top her up after most feeds. She is 2 1/2 now and a happy, clever, cheeky little girl. 5 weeks ago I had my second child and am BF her so far without a problem. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. It’s more important to take time to enjoy and love your baby than to get worried about the small stuff. Sophie
The amount of pressure placed on us to bf is enormous. After my first child I tried for a week + and still had to give her top ups. I tried regularly for a month to pump and still was not getting enough. I changed to formula and thought why didn’t i do this sooner as you know the exact amount they are getting, they are fuller for longer and happier. A happy bub has a happy mum. Julie
Don’t worry about it. When supply issues are a problem, you feel your most alone as many people don’t even discover how common an issue it is. My sister expected to bf after all the stories of my mum “having enough for an orphanage”. Only after months of guilt did my sister discover that it was so common that she wasn’t even the only one in our direct family.My point is, mix feed as long as you can, maybe try fenugreek and/or those milk biscuits, but if you dry up, don’t worry. Your baby will have benefitted from whatever you could give and no one can expect you to try more than that Cheery
The first of many when you’re a mum. You do what you have to do because you love and care for bub DESPITE whatever you feel or want. That doesn’t make you a failure, it makes you a good mother because you child’s needs are more important than your own idealisations of what could be. Good on you for making the tough decisions.. Cat
I couldn’t breastfeed and formula was more than fine Sandra
I breast fed until 9 months old, but from the beginning she didn’t put as much weight on as she should. We had specialist help. Tube fed while breast feeding. Fed a newborn from a spoon etc. it wasn’t until we stayed at Torrens house in sa that we worked out that one formula bottle feed was enough to help her. So I continued to breast feed and topped up with one or two formula feeds during the day. I still feel that I breastfed her but my nutrients weren’t enough for her to thrive and I’m fine with that. She is now 16. How she was fed isn’t an issue to her. That she is here with us, is what matters Mel
With my first I only managed to breastfeed for two weeks and I gave up. With my second we are at nearly 6 months and still going strong. With my first, I didn’t so much feel like a failure.. I was upset more so at myself because I set high expectations and it didn’t happen. I think most people expect breastfeeding to come naturally. With both my children it was a struggle.. a struggle with the latch therefore cause me a great big deal of pain! With my second I planned to get past two weeks! Once I hit the 13day mark my breast were on the mend so then I set another week goal (3 weeks) I just kept setting myself the goal of anothet week and now at nearly 6 months my goal 12 months. After 12 months I will continue until we are both ready to stop. Anyways my point is, I didn’t feel like a failure- maybe fair to say I felt like I let him down.. but once I put him on formula he was happy. Thats all that matters to me at the end of the day. He was happy, I was happy. Everyones happy Casey
With little girl i had no support and i was by my self and didnt know i could go to the dr for help. She was always so hungry and she was very good on the boob and i had the milk there but just wouldnt fell her up. I now know it was my diet but after 6 weeks or so i went to formula. I just wished i had some one to talk to but i never felt bad only coz i know my little girl was still getting feed. But with my son i read everything think i could. And did everything i could to get my milk ready. My ob was so great when i told him about it and i really wanted to breast feed. But when my son was born he was born with a CLEFT LIP. WE DIDNT KNOW HE HAD IT FROM ULTRASOUNDS SO IT WAS A SHOCK. I DID BREAST FEED and was doing great till the midwife came to my house when he was 3 days old and siad i was doing it wrong coz i had to hold my boob over his cleft so he could latch on. I stopped doing it and it all went down hill. I was bleeding and had very bad cracked nipples. So i was expressing. I stopped and when to formula 10 days after expressing and i just hated my self for it. And still do. After he had his surgery at 3 1/2 months and stopped using the spoon bottle i went to the do to ask if i could go back to boob now but he was almost 5 months when we stopped the spoon bottle. And she siad he prob wouldnt know what to do now with it. I only with that blood midwife didnt say anything coz after talking to the ppl at PMH they siad i was breast feeding right this first time and most midwifes dont know what to do with bubs like him and always give the wrong advice. Sorry it was so long but i just wished i kept doing what i was doing. Jaylene
You’re not a failure and don’t be made to feel like one. I was at break point by day 5 that bubs was not taking to the breast and my supply was just not forthcoming to settle her. I had c-section. Depending on the nurse on two would suggest a top up with formula, the nurse that was on over weekend just pushed and pushed to point I was hysterical and ended up I took two hours day leave to destress. When I returned I was adamant breast was not for us but we talked and told I was the one who had to say what I wanted. I decided I’d give breast and top ups a go with aide of motilium and expressing to increase supply. I did this for six weeks and there was no improvement in supply and I was not enjoying motherhood. As much as I had hoped to breast feed I wanted my baby to be happy and be healthy not starve I made the decision to solely formula feed. When I made that decision I immediately felt that burden placed on me lift and both baby and mummy were happy, settled and bonding even stronger. I felt guilt for a while when I couldn’t bf alone but at the end of the day both my emotional well being and my babies nourishment came up more important. She is now 4 yo, met all her developmental and physical milestones and a happy healthy girl. You do what is best for you and YOUR baby and nobody else matters. Tran
I was still in hospital on day 5 as I had an infected episiotomy and feeding was going terribly. I still had no milk whatsoever and our daughter was screaming and had lost 12% body weight so we decided to give a bottle. I felt devastated, I was extremely pro breast feeding and just assumed I would be able to and it was very hard knowing I couldn’t give her what she needed. She slept for 4 hours after that first bottle and so did I but I dreamt that the midwives wouldn’t give me any more pain relief as I couldn’t breastfeed!! My husband and mother fully supported formula and whatever was best for us (which breastfeeding wasn’t) My daughter put on 900gms over the next 9 days and just thrived and I was so happy with the decision. Emma
yes i did. the midwifes made me feel even worse. i have now found out it wasn’t due to my lack of trying but my daughter is tongue and lip tied so nothing i could have done Jonelle
u are def not a failure:) its very hard when theres sooo much pressure to breastfeed:(:( it seems like a big issue now but in a few years when your child is eating u out of food in the cupboard you wont give it another thought whether they were breast or bottle fed:) i tried and failed with my first had another go with my second didnt happen either didnt even bother with the 3rd or 4th they are all healthy and at school now:) Cindy
I’m in the same boat. Bub is almost 3 months and using more formula everyday. Sitting here expressing atm as I’m not sure what’s she’s getting from the breast as is always hungry after so am going to try expressing and feeding her that. Am on motilium too. Jae
Please don’t feel like a failure! You have done so well for even trying! Sometimes it just doesn’t happen but as long as you try it you are doing great! As Long as your baby is happy, healthy and full, you are being the best mum for your baby! Keep up the good work! Kirby
I felt like that and was really sad about it at first, but it it didn’t last long as my daughter started to be a lot more settled, gaining weight and generally happier after stopping, so I actually began to enjoy her a lot more rather than being stressed 24/7. Naomi
I could only breast feed for three weeks. All that matters to me is my baby is doing well. Just focus on your beautiful bub and do what feels right for both of you Chantelle
Please ladies dont ever feel like u are a failure u cant be so hard on urself u can give it a go if it doesnt work then u need formula it has everything ur baby needs and helps them thrive Candice
Are you consulting with an IBCLC lactation consultant? Low supply is often grossly misdiagnosed and one of the leading reasons many don’t have success at breastfeeding but often it can be worked out with the right support and most importantly the best qualified support..Lynne-McKensey Hall is the Lactation Consultant expert for this page..plse get in touch so you know that you have a good plan in place…. Natalie
Please don’t feel that way – you are feeding your child and doing your best. All that matters is that you and bub are fine. I had a low supply and didn’t realise for at least 3 weeks so my poor child was starving, and knowing that he was starving hurts me so much. I never once felt bad about using formula because I think it is so important that my child have a full stomach. Loren
I also tried everything to increase supply including medication, special one on one consult spending a whole day with a nurse, supply line, lactation cookies and natural supplements plus much more. It broke my heart and spirit to have my baby screaming at just the attempt to breastfeed no matter which technique I tried she flat out refused the breast at almost every feed only latching occasionally for a short period then detaching to scream and fight her way away. I had no choice but to top up with bottles, as much EBM as I could but it was not enough and I had to use formula. I persevered and tortured myself and it seemed, my baby, until 4 months and it sent me into depression before I gave up and switched full time to bottle and formula. It was only after I reached this heartbreaking decision that I was told by the doctor that my supply would have suffered because of the massive blood loss I had after birth plus two general anaesthetics post birth, information which could have helped me earlier! So i understand where you’re coming from. Remember that everyone is different, how your baby gets fed is not important, only that you love them and you’re doing what’s best for your baby (which means not letting mum get stressed and depressed, which will also impede supply). Do what works for YOU and your baby. My bub is now almost 2 and is a healthy, bubbly, intelligent human being and no one could look at her and tell whether she was breastfed or formula fed. I do understand your disapointment, but long term it will not matter as much Amanda
Had such a hard couple of weeks- tears, guilt, tears and more guilt but it did get easier especially when I saw my daughter putting on weight and thriving. (She had reflux and later found out lactose intolerance) my daughter is now a beautiful, funny, smart, clever little 18month old and i never even think about not breast feeding! Meagan
If you have a poor supply it’s important not to supplement with formula as that will diminish your supply even more. Try expressing, drinking more water and eating oats! Irene
I know they say breast is best but I was bottle fed from birth and I was fine…. apparently I didnt get sick for the first time until I was 4yrs old Dominique
I know the feeling I have 8 children and preg with 9th and I have never made enough milk. To sustain them. I have tried the tablets everytime as well as pumping and herbs my boobs jyst don’t work properly but I have breast fed all my bubs using a supply line and love it, I still get that bond they get what milk I do have and fill the rest of their tum with formula everyones happy.: ) Karen
I was initially upset that my milk dried up after 9 weeks but then hubby said that even though I wasn’t ebf anymore he still got those vital nutrients from me for the first weeks of his life & it made me feel so much better! Even at 11.5 months old I still look at my son & think I should have been enf but remind myself that he is healthy & happy boy & formula can’t be too bad if he is well ahead in the percentile ranges for height & weight Amanda
My breast feeding journey hasn’t been smooth sailing andstruggling 3 mths on. It’s hard not to feel like failure I understand. I just keep telling myself I have a healthy baby who is loved and that’s all that matters in the end. Try not to stress and enjoy each moment with your baby. Sounds like your a wonderful caring mother. Muggles
I have three children I couldn’t feed tried with first had problems bottle from week two …second bottle from week one and third straight onto bottle all were healthy ..you haven’t failed I call it doing what’s best for you and Bub Karen
Can I just reassure you that when I was born, my mum’s milk never came in at all and I was exclusively formula fed which had not been her choice. I have had no major health issues and went through school at the top of my class. I am really close with my mum and the fact that she didn’t breastfeed me has had no impact on me at all. Don’t beat yourself up about it – as long as you are feeding your child and giving them appropriate nourishment, then your baby will be no worse off than any other. You are doing a good job Justine
Sometimes it’s easier than others but what I ft help boost my milk supply was something called a supply line call the Australian breastfeeding association and ask them about it you use formula in it but it helps boost your supply best investment I had whilst boosting my supply Jacinta
I didn’t breast feed as had issues with other babies. So decided bottle from day 1 please don’t feel like a failure. Not everyone can breastfeed. My baby a beautiful now 1 yr old with no problems. Formula fed from day dot Leanne
You’re not a failure. I had similar issues to start with however persistence paid off for me and now my dd is ebf. If you want to keep trying just demand feed bub and that will help build it up and if not there’s nothing wrong with formula. Remember as long as bub is getting nourished you are in no way a failure! Keep up the good work Mummy!!! Jenny
Breastfeeding does not make you a better person, it will not change who your baby is. And it certainly doesn’t make you love your child more than if you feed with a bottle. What is important is that your baby is nourished, and happy and has a mum who is able to enjoy the bonding time with her baby, regardless of how they feed, feeding is still a bonding time. Naomi
I had the serious guilts!! But I found myself a brilliant IBCLC that introduced me to the SNS supply line and a great group of Facebook ladies that are using it too.. Now 13 weeks later, I am fully breastfeeding again! Happy to talk if you need further info Kerryn
You need to let it go. You love your baby and you are feeding your baby that’s all that matters at the end of the day. I was in the same position with my bubba, no milk came in even with tablets and pumping (every 3 hours). in the end I realized that love, formula and a less stressed mum were the best thing for him. You are not a failure, you are a great mum and giving your child formula isn’t the end of the world. Good luck and try not to be so hard on yourself x Kristy
Its hard I cried alot of tears, but I tried to look at the positives. It gets better overtime although I feel sad when I see mothers breastfeeding or people judging as they dont know what I went through. Best of luck. Cassandra
I do both! It’s the best I can offer…..some mums make no milk so I believe the small amount I can give her is a blessing! I hope you can see it this way. Keep up the good work xx Amy
Have you tried lactation cookies or natural tables they worried for me Chrystal
It’s hard as it seems like it should be easy I had to say to myself its bottle feed her or stave her It was harsh to say it out loud but it put things in perspective for me Steph
I saw she was putting on weight and happier. Honestly I never looked back as there’s far far more to motherhood than breastfeeding. It was a weight off my shoulders. I no longer had to stress about it. I quit and never looked back. We were both happier. I know it seems like a be all end all but it’s not. A healthy, thriving baby is everything. Mel
A mom who tires is never a failure! You can only do what you can do. Keep loving your baby and yourself Cody
Have you tried the medala supplimental feeder system ? Look it up on eBay, I’am at 10 weeks now but it’s been a real fight to keep up, this is what was recomended to me, as the tubes you tape to your boobs/nipple and bottle hangs around neck between your boobs, so they get the expressed milk from the bottle but stimulate the boob to make more milk at the same time, good luck either you way you go you haven’t failed as long as you have a happy healthy bubs x Street
I went through a grieving process for both of my children when breast feeding wasn’t enough for them. I think it’s natural to feel disappointed (and in my case like a failure) but looking back, for my daughter (now 2) it was the best for both of us. My son has just started comp feeding at 11 weeks and it’s definitely working out better for him as well. In the end it’s all about what’s best for their health and growth and sometimes formula is just that. I let go of the dream to breast feed with a heavy heart but in the end making the decision to let that go for the sake of my kid’s wellbeing makes me a better mum than breastfeeding ever could. Sarah
I was the same with my first. Felt like a complete failure and in tears always having the constant push to b/f. It was my husband who went out and got the bottles, pump and formula as I was determined to keep b/f but he could see how hard it was for bub and I. It’s from his support that I turned to bottle feeding bub and so glad he pushed me that way for both our sanity!!! With #2 I could feed bub but after a couple of months same thing again. With #3 on the way I’m glad I have hubby’s support and he keeps telling me it’s ok to bottle feed. Drives me insane now when I see parents who can/can’t b/f and they choose the formula only to be made to feel like a horrible parent. I can tell you from both sides both my kids are happy healthy bouncing bundles of energy and as for the ‘bonding’, I bonded fine boob and bottle. Have a great support net work around you and ignore the boobie nazi’s! It’s just like them saying if you don’t have a natural drug free birth your a horrible mum. Pfft. I know 100% where you are coming from and how it feels. Good luck!!!!!! As long as bub and mum are happy and healthy then you can’t go wrong! Katrina
I was the same way and I felt horrible. But she is healthy and growing like a weed so I’m happy. Michelle
It happens sometimes. Michelle
Yes, I felt like a failure. I was the same as u no milk even with using meds and herbal remedies. When I had my third I did get some milk and I wasn’t able to feed due to being on antidepressants and all my kids a beautiful. My 3month old eats like a pig on the bottle so I would hate to imagine if I was breast feeding. Also don’t worry ur self on weather u will bond with bub. Ur mum and u will bond cause there’s nothing like the love of ur own child. Good luck and remember bub will be on solids before u know it. Michelle
Hi mama, if you are still breastfeeding see an IBCLC lactation consultant. They are breastfeeding experts with a lot more knowledge than a GP, Paed, Midwife or MCHN. It may be more about milk transference than your supply. I cried every feed for 2.5 months until I got help. We saw lots of people and only a good IBCLC was able to help. Kimmy
There is way too much pressure and guilt tripping! Some of us just aren’t designed to bf – even though we really want to. Rebecca
Breast may be best, but your sanity and your bubs health is better! Sarah
Don’t feel guilty hun. As long as you’re able to feed bubs, albeit formula, and bubs is thriving then don’t be so hard on yourself. Your next one (if you have another) may be different. Sarah
I’ve had 2 kids and struggled with both. I think my issues could of been avoided if only they looked in both daughters mouth in hospital. 1st had an upper lip tie so could never latch from beginning and 2nd had both an upper lip and tongue tie. I was doomed from the start. I suspect that’s a problem for many. It didn’t help that the child health nurse isn’t educated in them so basically she thinks they don’t exist or cause problems. At the end of the day as long as baby is being fed who cares how! Kelly
I could only breastfeed for the first 8 weeks and tried everything. … I really struggled to come to terms with it, but my hubby was what helped me through. … Be strong and know its not your fault. .. x Lynzee
I didn’t feel like a failure (I simply didn’t have any milk.. and that was ok with me). What hurt was the pressure I got right from the start at the hospital and it continued from there on. Now I don’t give a rats when I tell people Annabelle
I had the same problem with my first and third. I was completely in denial the first time. Got onto it quickly with the third because really the worst thing is when bub gets really skinny, its worse than not being able to breastfeed. No choice but to accept it just remember you did what you could Rebecca
It makes you feel super guilty I think from it being drummed in from day one. Trying to breast feed my little one was a horrible experience for him and for me and formula feeding just made feeding more enjoyable and we could actually bond instead of fighting but as my mum said to me at least you know how much he’s had and what he’s had! No worries about chocolate or orange juice making him crook! So long as your wee one is happy and healthy is all that matters in the end Brylee
You have tried your best! Unfortunately not all mums get the privilege of being able to choose when they want to stop feeding their bubs. I had to top up with formula, but i felt blessed that I had been able to feed at all and for the time I was able to. Feel great that every feed they get from you is a win for them! Keep smiling and don’t feel down about something you can’t control! Rachel
Linda Gustafson that was exactly what happend with me too! I hid the bottles and then my midwife wanted to see me feed. It was a horrible shameful feeling Penny
I had too much drama with breastfeeding my daughter and it took me 2 weeks to stop crying and missing it but we are much happie ron formula Gemma
It isn’t the best feeling In The world but you have to forgive yourself, you can only do ur best. I could only bf for 6 weeks first child and 3 weeks second child. Heather
Love your child that’s the most important thing. I found breast feeding easy with my first but so hard with my second but out of guilt I persevered! Society has these ideals but as my mum told me the baby hadn’t read the manual!! Think about it when you walk down the street and see other people do you know if they were bottle or breast fed? NO but what you do see is a happy or sad child love cuddles and safety is what your baby needs. Xoxo Pamela
Breast fed or formula fed there is a common goal being met that is to provide nourishment for your baby. Don’t feel as though you are a failure. If you are still able to supply some just top up? Oat milk I found for me it really helped Alicia
I tried with both my girls to breastfeed and was only abled to do 2 weeks I had no milk supply even with medication… With my second daughter the midwife tried to help by manually expressing and actually caused my nipples to start bleeding I was bruised for four days because of it… They made me feel like crap with both my girls… I loaned a breast pump from king Eddie’s for 2 weeks to try and get my milk flowing and it felt like I was always connected to it I felt like a cow lol…. But my girls are beautiful and well fed and even though I wasn’t able to breastfeed for long they at least got something…. Carmel
Do not stress just take your time and offer the formula as well Cheryl
I mix feed my 4 week old little girl coz Im not making enough milk. I spoke to my doctor about it and she has got me to start taking a pill called Motilium 3 times a day. I started it yesterday and have noticed my supply is starting to build as bub is lasting longer between feeds. Janie
I have just had to have my baby c sec at 31weeks and they had to do a hysterectomy at the same time due to placenta eccreta so I have had a hard time with feeding as my baby is too weak to feed so I have been expressing every 2-3 hrs, with a photo of bub I had advice from a lactation consultant and the ABA, I’m taking domperidone, fenugreek tabs from the health food shop, a breastfeeding support herbal tea, eating coconut oil in everything and have made lactation biscuits, I am determined to make this work so I’m not giving up, so get support, help and picture a full milk supply and successful feeding and keep going and be positive its hard but has to be done good luck Rana
Even a little breastmilk gives them a boost over straight formula, it’s not a failure at all. Joanne
When my milk stopped coming in at 6w pp I couldn’t even talk to a nurse every time I spoke or thought of it I would cry feeling like I was starving my son Alisha
If your baby is receiving ANY breastmilk then then are considered to be ‘breastfed’. If you have tried and it just isn’t working then don’t feel guilty or like you have failed. Your baby has a full belly and is loved and that is all they care about. For some it just doesn’t work that’s nothing to feel guilty about but to be grateful that we live in a society with access to clean water and formula. Formula isn’t rat poison it’s essential nutrients, if you need it, use it and don’t feel bad about it. Ignore those that judge. Your baby, your choice. Nicole
This is a normal feeling. Remember you can do both for as long as you want, a slow wean is much better for your emotional well being Fiona
I didn’t feel like a failure I just took it in stride! My son wasn’t gaining weight on my little amount of milk and his tounge tie I was more worried about that changing him to formula was tje best thing for him Whitney
I cried for quite a few days but everyone kept reminding me that my daughter was happier & that was more important. Michelle
There is to much pressure on mothers to bf. You do what you need to do to keep your child healthy. Just with the guilt feeling keep an eye out for post natal depression. The guilt feeling is a trigger for it. I have also seen how detramental it can be for some. a woman I know had the same problem and never bonded with her child because she was unable to bf. Still to this day there isnt a bond and her child is now 5. Its not failure. Your child has love and you caring for it. Embrace the new life you created and try push that guilt away Rachel
I bf my daughter for 8 weeks got mild mastitis and the taste must have changed she refused to be bf I tried expressing but in the end she would only take formula so for me it was my baby stopping as I had more than enough milk… With my son I bf for 2 weeks got mastitis again but it was so severe I developed a cyst in my left breast and required hospitalisation they had to put me on strong medication to Fix it which instantly dried me up … One feed was fine the next about 2 hours later my son was fussing when trying to feed .. I expressed but only got 10 mls out … So again my abundance of milk proved a problem for me and I had no choice but to formula feed my kids … So don’t feel bad .. I don’t at all …my kids got what they needed and they are happy and healthy… which is all that matters Carissa
I EBF at the moment but I am extremely lucky that I have a great supply – I wasn’t as lucky with my first daughter and was struggling by 3 months. If I were you I would speak to a lactation consultant to discuss regular pumping to boost your supply, but if you try everything and it doesn’t work then you know you gave it your best and don’t need to feel bad. Renee
I had a big baby, had to top him up with formula also. It doesn’t matter how your baby gets their food, you’re doing the best you can I loved breast feeding, but in the end my LO chose formula over breast, and that was what was best for him. Disappointing for me, but he knew what he needed Simone
I had a friend who also felt guilty and put so much pressure on herself tp express what she could etc. She has happy healthy kids who had formula. You will still be nurturing your baby and providing all the love it could need. Enjoy your time together instead of worrying. All will be perfect Susan
I’ve had the same problem with both of my kids & it’s so devastating! I felt completely betrayed by my body and helpless to do anything about it. No one could tell me why my supply was low – I had done everything right but it just wasn’t happening. It’s taken a long time, but I now know that I did the best I could for my babies and I can be proud of that. I went on to mixed feed both of them long term so I didn’t have to give up breastfeeding even though I will always have to supplement. I fed my daughter with an SNS until she was one year old, and my little boy is five months now, also def with an SNS. Every bit of breastmilk you produce is worthwhile and you don’t have to give up! No matter what happens, please be kind to yourself. You’re doing an amazing job! Malissa
With my first she was in ICU for 7 days so I couldn’t breastfeed at first and then when I could she would not latch on right. I did the breast consultant twice but did work. It hurt so bad to feed her….i still fed her and also I pumped every two hours religiously. It build my milk supply wonderfully. I fed her that through the bottle but still put her on the breast. Eventually she started to latch on… I say keep trying and if you can’t you can’t. No reason to beat yourself over it. Especially if you tried hard. Just do some research on the formulas because they have some bad things in it. Do organic but research those as well to see which one is best. wish you the best Ligia
Your not a failure I felt the same way my son couldnt latch on due have inverted nipples and I tried everything nothing worked I expressed for the first 2weeks then was forced to put him on formula due to drying up. The way I dealt with it (my parents helped me also) I just kept reminding myself that he is fed and thats the most important thing. Keep your head up. Cheyenne
Know exactly how your feeling i feed 3 of my 4 by bf with my last it was excruciatingly painful and she was not feeding properly. I thought I could express and feed her that way. I did this for around 4 weeks then tried putting her back on the breast was the same as before. I would have loved to keep expressing but with a newborn feeding on demand and having three older kids to worry about plus even consider getting any house work done I had to make the choice to stop feeding her. Alison
I was that desperate to BF my last child I was even expressing after a car crash while I was in h