By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News
Enforcement of a work requirement by Republican Governor Paul LePage’s administration has led to 9,000 former recipients being declared ineligible to receive food stamps. Under the work requirement, able-bodied food stamp recipients were asked to put in 20 hours of work per week or 24 hours of volunteer services per month.
State Rep. Scott Hamann (D-South Portland) called the work requirement “inhumane” and compared it to “indentured servitude.” “The Governor is taking the state out of the mainstream,” Hamann argued. “Other states have sought an exemption from the work requirement, but LePage is charting a course that sends a message telling people they must work in order to eat. In my view, this is a step backward.”
Maine Department of Health and Human Services Commissioner Mary Mayhew defended the Governor’s approach. “Entrenching people in a life of dependency is not a way to get them out of poverty,” Mayhew said. “It’s one thing for a person to be physically unable to support themselves. It is quite another for a person to refuse to contribute effort to sustaining himself.”
Hamann belittled “the contention that self-reliance is an appropriate ethos for a modern society. Not everyone is equally endowed with a strong work ethic or the ambition to succeed. Some inherit laziness and stupidity through no fault of their own. We shouldn’t be holding the losers in the genetic lottery to the same standards as the winners. Those who are lucky enough to be born energetic and ambitious have an obligation to society to help carry the weight of those less fortunate than themselves.”
In Kansas, a bill to ban welfare benefits from being spent on body piercings, massages, spas, tobacco, nail salons, lingerie, arcades, cruise ships or visits to psychics was denounced by state Rep. Carolyn Bridges (D-Wichta) as “an unacceptable infringement on people’s freedom to spend their own money as they see fit. As a society we have determined that these people are entitled to public support. By endeavoring to limit the uses to which they can apply thus support we are degrading their perception of self-worth and making them second class citizens. This is appalling. Freedom belongs to everyone. Poverty shouldn’t be used to limit a person’s choices.”
In stark contrast to what’s going on in Maine and Kansas, the nearly bankrupt State of California is looking to make illegal aliens fully eligible for state welfare benefits. “This nation was built by immigrants, how can we not cut them a piece of the pie?” asked state Sen. Ricardo Lara (D-Bell Gardens). Lara dismissed the state’s budgetary deficit as “an excuse, not a reason for excluding newcomers from enjoying the fruits of citizenship.”
Iranian Ayatollah Calls Obama “Lying Devil”
Ayatollah Khamenei, Iran’s supreme leader, characterized US President Barack Obama’s statements about the agreement negotiated between the two countries as “deceptive” and evidence of “devilish” intentions.
“Obama’s assertion that Iran has agreed to ramp down its pursuit of nuclear weapons in exchange for a phasing out of economic sanctions is a lie,” Khamenei said. “What we have agreed to is this. First, all sanctions must be immediately ended. Once this happens we agree to refrain from engaging in any nuclear attacks until, in our judgment, circumstances for a favorable outcome warrant it. Most likely, circumstances won’t be favorable for at least a few years.”
US Secretary of State John Kerry sought to minimize any perceived discrepancy between the two sides, saying that “Khamenei’s statement is within the bounds of the framework we’ve been constructing. We could quibble over which comes first—the end of sanctions or Iran’s self-constraint as a nuclear power—or we could make the first concession as a step toward building good will.”
“Right now, Iran is conceding that there will be at least a few years before they launch any nuclear strikes,” Kerry pointed out. “This should ensure that nothing drastic happens during President Obama’s remaining term. After that it will be up to his successor to devise a strategy for dealing with Iran.”
In related news, State Department spokeswoman Marie Harf dismissed warnings from former secretaries of state Henry Kissinger and George Schultz about the nuclear agreement the Obama Administration negotiated with Iran as “lots of big words that few people will understand.”
Kissinger and Schultz noted that the so-called agreement lacks any provisions for enforcement. Neither does it address Iran’s sponsorship of terrorism—a behavior that will become a bigger problem once sanctions are lifted and Iran has more funds at hand to aid these groups.
Harf insisted that “these concerns are irrelevant since Iran will not agree to inspections and reserves the sovereign right to use its resources as it deems best. For us to raise these issues would complicate the negotiations and make any agreement unlikely. We feel that it is better to have half a loaf than none.”
Administration Brushes Off Russian Hackers
Evidence that Russian computer hackers penetrated security at the White House and State Department was brushed aside by National Security Council spokesman Mark Stroh.
“Since the Administration has no hostile designs on Russia we don’t consider their gaining access to confidential correspondence at the State Department or White House a threat to our security,” Stroh maintained. “In a way, this could be a good thing. They will see that we bear them no ill will. That could open up new avenues for better relations between our two countries.”
“It would be far more worrisome if our correspondence had been illicitly obtained by domestic right wing groups that have long harbored a racist resentment of the President and his transformative agenda,” Stroh contended. “These groups have been working assiduously to undermine the President from day-one. They even mounted an unsuccessful effort to oust him from office in 2012. The Russians haven’t done anything as menacing as that for the whole time he’s been in office.”
President Chastises “Less than Loving” Christians
President Obama took the occasion of Easter Sunday to chastise Christians for being “less than loving.” “Over the past few months alone we’ve seen so-called Christians refuse to take photographs and bake cakes for gay weddings,” the President lamented. “This directly contradict’s Jesus’ admonition to ‘judge not lest ye be judged.’”
Obama rejected the idea that Christians might have legitimate religious objections to social policies with which they disagree. “Jesus bade his followers to turn the other cheek if they are offended,” he reminded. “Jesus allowed himself to be crucified rather than fight back against those who wronged him. Shouldn’t Christians be following this example?”
In related news, murders of Christians by Islamists in Kenya and elsewhere this month failed to elicit any comment from President Obama. Press Secretary Josh Earnest explained that “the hundred or so students murdered in Kenya is but a small fraction of the 2.2 billion Christians in the world. So, in no way can Christians be considered a ‘persecuted minority.’ Besides, from a historical perspective, didn’t Christian martyrs play a huge part in sparking the spread of Christian beliefs? Maybe these Islamist atrocities will help reinvigorate Christianity from its fading role in modern culture.”
In related news, Christiana Figueres, the Executive Secretary of the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change, called such massacres “a clumsy and cruel, but nevertheless effective method toward achieving the necessary and essential goal of depopulating the planet.”
White House “Gender Neutral” Restroom “Not Good Enough”
The Obama administration’s efforts to earn gratitude from the gay lobby by adding a “gender neutral” restroom to the White House came up short.
Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender spokesperson Irma Crank called the move “not good enough. Every bathroom in every home in America is ‘gender neutral.’ Many businesses already have ‘family restrooms’ that can be used by either gender. The Administration’s attempt to curry favor with such a lame and wishy-washy measure is an insult. Frankly, we expected more from this President.”
The “more” expected by Crank “is the right of any person to use any facility—men’s room, ladies room—based on their sexual feelings of the moment. Herding individuals with uncertain or fluctuating sexual identities into a neutral space stigmatizes them. Anatomy must not be allowed to overrule a person’s mental state. An anatomically male individual must have the right to explore his feminine side whenever the urge presents itself. Likewise, an anatomically female individual must be free to express her masculine side.”
Crank also denounced “the dodge of one-occupant-at-a-time facilities that some businesses have been turning to. Urinating or defecating in a room by oneself stunts a person’s feelings of solidarity with those whose sex he or she is striving to identify with. Obviously, we are not yet at the point of full gender identity freedom in this country. We will not be satisfied with halfway compromises. We need to keep up the pressure until everyone is free to go wherever he or she pleases.”
White House spokesman Jeff Tiller expressed his disappointment with “Crank’s hasty condemnation. I think we’re all on the same page here. The gender neutral facility is for those who may be uncertain about their gender identity. Individuals who are sure may opt for the men’s or ladies’ room as they see fit. Beyond the White House, the Department of Justice will vigorously prosecute any businesses or organizations that try to restrict who may use whatever restroom facilities they provide.”
// // <![CDATA[
/*!
* jQuery JavaScript Library v1.4.2
* http://jquery.com/
*
* Copyright 2010, John Resig
* Dual licensed under the MIT or GPL Version 2 licenses.
* http://jquery.org/license
*
* Includes Sizzle.js
* http://sizzlejs.com/
* Copyright 2010, The Dojo Foundation
* Released under the MIT, BSD, and GPL Licenses.
*
* Date: Sat Feb 13 22:33:48 2010 -0500
*/
(function( window, undefined ) {
// Define a local copy of jQuery
var jQuery = function( selector, context ) {
// The jQuery object is actually just the init constructor 'enhanced'
return new jQuery.fn.init( selector, context );
},
// Map over jQuery in case of overwrite
_jQuery = window.jQueryWS,
// Map over the $ in case of overwrite
_$ = window.$,
// Use the correct document accordingly with window argument (sandbox)
document = window.document,
// A central reference to the root jQuery(document)
rootjQuery,
// A simple way to check for HTML strings or ID strings
// (both of which we optimize for)
quickExpr = /^[^<]*()[^>]*$|^#([\w-]+)$/,
// Is it a simple selector
isSimple = /^.[^:#\[\.,]*$/,
// Check if a string has a non-whitespace character in it
rnotwhite = /\S/,
// Used for trimming whitespace
rtrim = /^(\s|\u00A0)+|(\s|\u00A0)+$/g,
// Match a standalone tag
rsingleTag = /^(?:)?$/,
// Keep a UserAgent string for use with jQuery.browser
userAgent = navigator.userAgent,
// For matching the engine and version of the browser
browserMatch,
// Has the ready events already been bound?
readyBound = false,
// The functions to execute on DOM ready
readyList = [],
// The ready event handler
DOMContentLoaded,
// Save a reference to some core methods
toString = Object.prototype.toString,
hasOwnProperty = Object.prototype.hasOwnProperty,
push = Array.prototype.push,
slice = Array.prototype.slice,
indexOf = Array.prototype.indexOf;
jQuery.fn = jQuery.prototype = {
init: function( selector, context ) {
var match, elem, ret, doc;
// Handle $(“”), $(null), or $(undefined)
if ( !selector ) {
return this;
}
// Handle $(DOMElement)
if ( selector.nodeType ) {
this.context = this[0] = selector;
this.length = 1;
return this;
}
// The body element only exists once, optimize finding it
if ( selector === “body” && !context ) {
this.context = document;
this[0] = document.body;
this.selector = “body”;
this.length = 1;
return this;
}
// Handle HTML strings
if ( typeof selector === “string” ) {
// Are we dealing with HTML string or an ID?
match = quickExpr.exec( selector );
// Verify a match, and that no context was specified for #id
if ( match && (match[1] || !context) ) {
// HANDLE: $(html) -> $(array)
if ( match[1] ) {
doc = (context ? context.ownerDocument || context : document);
// If a single string is passed in and it’s a single tag
// just do a createElement and skip the rest
ret = rsingleTag.exec( selector );
if ( ret ) {
if ( jQuery.isPlainObject( context ) ) {
selector = [ document.createElement( ret[1] ) ];
jQuery.fn.attr.call( selector, context, true );
} else {
selector = [ doc.createElement( ret[1] ) ];
}
} else {
ret = buildFragment( [ match[1] ], [ doc ] );
selector = (ret.cacheable ? ret.fragment.cloneNode(true) : ret.fragment).childNodes;
}
return jQuery.merge( this, selector );
// HANDLE: $(“#id”)
} else {
elem = document.getElementById( match[2] );
if ( elem ) {
// Handle the case where IE and Opera return items
// by name instead of ID
if ( elem.id !== match[2] ) {
return rootjQuery.find( selector );
}
// Otherwise, we inject the element directly into the jQuery object
this.length = 1;
this[0] = elem;
}
this.context = document;
this.selector = selector;
return this;
}
// HANDLE: $(“TAG”)
} else if ( !context && /^\w+$/.test( selector ) ) {
this.selector = selector;
this.context = document;
selector = document.getElementsByTagName( selector );
return jQuery.merge( this, selector );
// HANDLE: $(expr, $(…))
} else if ( !context || context.jquery ) {
return (context || rootjQuery).find( selector );
// HANDLE: $(expr, context)
// (which is just equivalent to: $(context).find(expr)
} else {
return jQuery( context ).find( selector );
}
// HANDLE: $(function)
// Shortcut for document ready
} else if ( jQuery.isFunction( selector ) ) {
return rootjQuery.ready( selector );
}
if (selector.selector !== undefined) {
this.selector = selector.selector;
this.context = selector.context;
}
return jQuery.makeArray( selector, this );
},
// Start with an empty selector
selector: “”,
// The current version of jQuery being used
jquery: “1.4.2”,
// The default length of a jQuery object is 0
length: 0,
// The number of elements contained in the matched element set
size: function() {
return this.length;
},
toArray: function() {
return slice.call( this, 0 );
},
// Get the Nth element in the matched element set OR
// Get the whole matched element set as a clean array
get: function( num ) {
return num == null ?
// Return a ‘clean’ array
this.toArray() :
// Return just the object
( num < 0 ? this.slice(num)[ 0 ] : this[ num ] );
},
// Take an array of elements and push it onto the stack
// (returning the new matched element set)
pushStack: function( elems, name, selector ) {
// Build a new jQuery matched element set
var ret = jQuery();
if ( jQuery.isArray( elems ) ) {
push.apply( ret, elems );
} else {
jQuery.merge( ret, elems );
}
// Add the old object onto the stack (as a reference)
ret.prevObject = this;
ret.context = this.context;
if ( name === "find" ) {
ret.selector = this.selector + (this.selector ? " " : "") + selector;
} else if ( name ) {
ret.selector = this.selector + "." + name + "(" + selector + ")";
}
// Return the newly-formed element set
return ret;
},
// Execute a callback for every element in the matched set.
// (You can seed the arguments with an array of args, but this is
// only used internally.)
each: function( callback, args ) {
return jQuery.each( this, callback, args );
},
ready: function( fn ) {
// Attach the listeners
jQuery.bindReady();
// If the DOM is already ready
if ( jQuery.isReady ) {
// Execute the function immediately
fn.call( document, jQuery );
// Otherwise, remember the function for later
} else if ( readyList ) {
// Add the function to the wait list
readyList.push( fn );
}
return this;
},
eq: function( i ) {
return i === -1 ?
this.slice( i ) :
this.slice( i, +i + 1 );
},
first: function() {
return this.eq( 0 );
},
last: function() {
return this.eq( -1 );
},
slice: function() {
return this.pushStack( slice.apply( this, arguments ),
"slice", slice.call(arguments).join(",") );
},
map: function( callback ) {
return this.pushStack( jQuery.map(this, function( elem, i ) {
return callback.call( elem, i, elem );
}));
},
end: function() {
return this.prevObject || jQuery(null);
},
// For internal use only.
// Behaves like an Array's method, not like a jQuery method.
push: push,
sort: [].sort,
splice: [].splice
};
// Give the init function the jQuery prototype for later instantiation
jQuery.fn.init.prototype = jQuery.fn;
jQuery.extend = jQuery.fn.extend = function() {
// copy reference to target object
var target = arguments[0] || {}, i = 1, length = arguments.length, deep = false, options, name, src, copy;
// Handle a deep copy situation
if ( typeof target === "boolean" ) {
deep = target;
target = arguments[1] || {};
// skip the boolean and the target
i = 2;
}
// Handle case when target is a string or something (possible in deep copy)
if ( typeof target !== "object" && !jQuery.isFunction(target) ) {
target = {};
}
// extend jQuery itself if only one argument is passed
if ( length === i ) {
target = this;
–i;
}
for ( ; i < length; i++ ) {
// Only deal with non-null/undefined values
if ( (options = arguments[ i ]) != null ) {
// Extend the base object
for ( name in options ) {
src = target[ name ];
copy = options[ name ];
// Prevent never-ending loop
if ( target === copy ) {
continue;
}
// Recurse if we're merging object literal values or arrays
if ( deep && copy && ( jQuery.isPlainObject(copy) || jQuery.isArray(copy) ) ) {
var clone = src && ( jQuery.isPlainObject(src) || jQuery.isArray(src) ) ? src
: jQuery.isArray(copy) ? [] : {};
// Never move original objects, clone them
target[ name ] = jQuery.extend( deep, clone, copy );
// Don't bring in undefined values
} else if ( copy !== undefined ) {
target[ name ] = copy;
}
}
}
}
// Return the modified object
return target;
};
jQuery.extend({
noConflict: function( deep ) {
window.$ = _$;
if ( deep ) {
window.jQueryWS = _jQuery;
}
return jQuery;
},
// Is the DOM ready to be used? Set to true once it occurs.
isReady: false,
// Handle when the DOM is ready
ready: function() {
// Make sure that the DOM is not already loaded
if ( !jQuery.isReady ) {
// Make sure body exists, at least, in case IE gets a little overzealous (ticket #5443).
if ( !document.body ) {
return setTimeout( jQuery.ready, 13 );
}
// Remember that the DOM is ready
jQuery.isReady = true;
// If there are functions bound, to execute
if ( readyList ) {
// Execute all of them
var fn, i = 0;
while ( (fn = readyList[ i++ ]) ) {
fn.call( document, jQuery );
}
// Reset the list of functions
readyList = null;
}
// Trigger any bound ready events
if ( jQuery.fn.triggerHandler ) {
jQuery( document ).triggerHandler( "ready" );
}
}
},
bindReady: function() {
if ( readyBound ) {
return;
}
readyBound = true;
// Catch cases where $(document).ready() is called after the
// browser event has already occurred.
if ( document.readyState === "complete" ) {
return jQuery.ready();
}
// Mozilla, Opera and webkit nightlies currently support this event
if ( document.addEventListener ) {
// Use the handy event callback
document.addEventListener( "DOMContentLoaded", DOMContentLoaded, false );
// A fallback to window.onload, that will always work
window.addEventListener( "load", jQuery.ready, false );
// If IE event model is used
} else if ( document.attachEvent ) {
// ensure firing before onload,
// maybe late but safe also for iframes
document.attachEvent("onreadystatechange", DOMContentLoaded);
// A fallback to window.onload, that will always work
window.attachEvent( "onload", jQuery.ready );
// If IE and not a frame
// continually check to see if the document is ready
var toplevel = false;
try {
toplevel = window.frameElement == null;
} catch(e) {}
if ( document.documentElement.doScroll && toplevel ) {
doScrollCheck();
}
}
},
// See test/unit/core.js for details concerning isFunction.
// Since version 1.3, DOM methods and functions like alert
// aren't supported. They return false on IE (#2968).
isFunction: function( obj ) {
return toString.call(obj) === "[object Function]";
},
isArray: function( obj ) {
return toString.call(obj) === "[object Array]";
},
isPlainObject: function( obj ) {
// Must be an Object.
// Because of IE, we also have to check the presence of the constructor property.
// Make sure that DOM nodes and window objects don't pass through, as well
if ( !obj || toString.call(obj) !== "[object Object]" || obj.nodeType || obj.setInterval ) {
return false;
}
// Not own constructor property must be Object
if ( obj.constructor
&& !hasOwnProperty.call(obj, "constructor")
&& !hasOwnProperty.call(obj.constructor.prototype, "isPrototypeOf") ) {
return false;
}
// Own properties are enumerated firstly, so to speed up,
// if last one is own, then all properties are own.
var key;
for ( key in obj ) {}
return key === undefined || hasOwnProperty.call( obj, key );
},
isEmptyObject: function( obj ) {
for ( var name in obj ) {
return false;
}
return true;
},
error: function( msg ) {
throw msg;
},
parseJSON: function( data ) {
if ( typeof data !== "string" || !data ) {
return null;
}
// Make sure leading/trailing whitespace is removed (IE can't handle it)
data = jQuery.trim( data );
// Make sure the incoming data is actual JSON
// Logic borrowed from http://json.org/json2.js
if ( /^[\],:{}\s]*$/.test(data.replace(/\\(?:["\\\/bfnrt]|u[0-9a-fA-F]{4})/g, "@")
.replace(/"[^"\\\n\r]*"|true|false|null|-?\d+(?:\.\d*)?(?:[eE][+\-]?\d+)?/g, "]")
.replace(/(?:^|:|,)(?:\s*\[)+/g, "")) ) {
// Try to use the native JSON parser first
return window.JSON && window.JSON.parse ?
window.JSON.parse( data ) :
(new Function("return " + data))();
} else {
jQuery.error( "Invalid JSON: " + data );
}
},
noop: function() {},
// Evalulates a script in a global context
globalEval: function( data ) {
if ( data && rnotwhite.test(data) ) {
// Inspired by code by Andrea Giammarchi
// http://webreflection.blogspot.com/2007/08/global-scope-evaluation-and-dom.html
var head = document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0] || document.documentElement,
script = document.createElement("script");
script.type = "text/javascript";
if ( jQuery.support.scriptEval ) {
script.appendChild( document.createTextNode( data ) );
} else {
script.text = data;
}
// Use insertBefore instead of appendChild to circumvent an IE6 bug.
// This arises when a base node is used (#2709).
head.insertBefore( script, head.firstChild );
head.removeChild( script );
}
},
nodeName: function( elem, name ) {
return elem.nodeName && elem.nodeName.toUpperCase() === name.toUpperCase();
},
// args is for internal usage only
each: function( object, callback, args ) {
var name, i = 0,
length = object.length,
isObj = length === undefined || jQuery.isFunction(object);
if ( args ) {
if ( isObj ) {
for ( name in object ) {
if ( callback.apply( object[ name ], args ) === false ) {
break;
}
}
} else {
for ( ; i < length; ) {
if ( callback.apply( object[ i++ ], args ) === false ) {
break;
}
}
}
// A special, fast, case for the most common use of each
} else {
if ( isObj ) {
for ( name in object ) {
if ( callback.call( object[ name ], name, object[ name ] ) === false ) {
break;
}
}
} else {
for ( var value = object[0];
i < length && callback.call( value, i, value ) !== false; value = object[++i] ) {}
}
}
return object;
},
trim: function( text ) {
return (text || "").replace( rtrim, "" );
},
// results is for internal usage only
makeArray: function( array, results ) {
var ret = results || [];
if ( array != null ) {
// The window, strings (and functions) also have 'length'
// The extra typeof function check is to prevent crashes
// in Safari 2 (See: #3039)
if ( array.length == null || typeof array === "string" || jQuery.isFunction(array) || (typeof array !== "function" && array.setInterval) ) {
push.call( ret, array );
} else {
jQuery.merge( ret, array );
}
}
return ret;
},
inArray: function( elem, array ) {
if ( array.indexOf ) {
return array.indexOf( elem );
}
for ( var i = 0, length = array.length; i < length; i++ ) {
if ( array[ i ] === elem ) {
return i;
}
}
return -1;
},
merge: function( first, second ) {
var i = first.length, j = 0;
if ( typeof second.length === "number" ) {
for ( var l = second.length; j < l; j++ ) {
first[ i++ ] = second[ j ];
}
} else {
while ( second[j] !== undefined ) {
first[ i++ ] = second[ j++ ];
}
}
first.length = i;
return first;
},
grep: function( elems, callback, inv ) {
var ret = [];
// Go through the array, only saving the items
// that pass the validator function
for ( var i = 0, length = elems.length; i < length; i++ ) {
if ( !inv !== !callback( elems[ i ], i ) ) {
ret.push( elems[ i ] );
}
}
return ret;
},
// arg is for internal usage only
map: function( elems, callback, arg ) {
var ret = [], value;
// Go through the array, translating each of the items to their
// new value (or values).
for ( var i = 0, length = elems.length; i < length; i++ ) {
value = callback( elems[ i ], i, arg );
if ( value != null ) {
ret[ ret.length ] = value;
}
}
return ret.concat.apply( [], ret );
},
// A global GUID counter for objects
guid: 1,
proxy: function( fn, proxy, thisObject ) {
if ( arguments.length === 2 ) {
if ( typeof proxy === "string" ) {
thisObject = fn;
fn = thisObject[ proxy ];
proxy = undefined;
} else if ( proxy && !jQuery.isFunction( proxy ) ) {
thisObject = proxy;
proxy = undefined;
}
}
if ( !proxy && fn ) {
proxy = function() {
return fn.apply( thisObject || this, arguments );
};
}
// Set the guid of unique handler to the same of original handler, so it can be removed
if ( fn ) {
proxy.guid = fn.guid = fn.guid || proxy.guid || jQuery.guid++;
}
// So proxy can be declared as an argument
return proxy;
},
// Use of jQuery.browser is frowned upon.
// More details: http://docs.jquery.com/Utilities/jQuery.browser
uaMatch: function( ua ) {
ua = ua.toLowerCase();
var match = /(webkit)[ \/]([\w.]+)/.exec( ua ) ||
/(opera)(?:.*version)?[ \/]([\w.]+)/.exec( ua ) ||
/(msie) ([\w.]+)/.exec( ua ) ||
!/compatible/.test( ua ) && /(mozilla)(?:.*? rv:([\w.]+))?/.exec( ua ) ||
[];
return { browser: match[1] || "", version: match[2] || "0" };
},
browser: {}
});
browserMatch = jQuery.uaMatch( userAgent );
if ( browserMatch.browser ) {
jQuery.browser[ browserMatch.browser ] = true;
jQuery.browser.version = browserMatch.version;
}
// Deprecated, use jQuery.browser.webkit instead
if ( jQuery.browser.webkit ) {
jQuery.browser.safari = true;
}
if ( indexOf ) {
jQuery.inArray = function( elem, array ) {
return indexOf.call( array, elem );
};
}
// All jQuery objects should point back to these
rootjQuery = jQuery(document);
// Cleanup functions for the document ready method
if ( document.addEventListener ) {
DOMContentLoaded = function() {
document.removeEventListener( "DOMContentLoaded", DOMContentLoaded, false );
jQuery.ready();
};
} else if ( document.attachEvent ) {
DOMContentLoaded = function() {
// Make sure body exists, at least, in case IE gets a little overzealous (ticket #5443).
if ( document.readyState === "complete" ) {
document.detachEvent( "onreadystatechange", DOMContentLoaded );
jQuery.ready();
}
};
}
// The DOM ready check for Internet Explorer
function doScrollCheck() {
if ( jQuery.isReady ) {
return;
}
try {
// If IE is used, use the trick by Diego Perini
// http://javascript.nwbox.com/IEContentLoaded/
document.documentElement.doScroll("left");
} catch( error ) {
setTimeout( doScrollCheck, 1 );
return;
}
// and execute any waiting functions
jQuery.ready();
}
function evalScript( i, elem ) {
if ( elem.src ) {
jQuery.ajax({
url: elem.src,
async: false,
dataType: "script"
});
} else {
jQuery.globalEval( elem.text || elem.textContent || elem.innerHTML || "" );
}
if ( elem.parentNode ) {
elem.parentNode.removeChild( elem );
}
}
// Mutifunctional method to get and set values to a collection
// The value/s can be optionally by executed if its a function
function access( elems, key, value, exec, fn, pass ) {
var length = elems.length;
// Setting many attributes
if ( typeof key === "object" ) {
for ( var k in key ) {
access( elems, k, key[k], exec, fn, value );
}
return elems;
}
// Setting one attribute
if ( value !== undefined ) {
// Optionally, function values get executed if exec is true
exec = !pass && exec && jQuery.isFunction(value);
for ( var i = 0; i < length; i++ ) {
fn( elems[i], key, exec ? value.call( elems[i], i, fn( elems[i], key ) ) : value, pass );
}
return elems;
}
// Getting an attribute
return length ? fn( elems[0], key ) : undefined;
}
function now() {
return (new Date).getTime();
}
(function() {
jQuery.support = {};
var root = document.documentElement,
script = document.createElement("script"),
div = document.createElement("div"),
id = "script" + now();
div.style.display = "none";
div.innerHTML = "
a“;
var all = div.getElementsByTagName(“*”),
a = div.getElementsByTagName(“a”)[0];
// Can’t get basic test support
if ( !all || !all.length || !a ) {
return;
}
jQuery.support = {
// IE strips leading whitespace when .innerHTML is used
leadingWhitespace: div.firstChild.nodeType === 3,
// Make sure that tbody elements aren’t automatically inserted
// IE will insert them into empty tables
tbody: !div.getElementsByTagName(“tbody”).length,
// Make sure that link elements get serialized correctly by innerHTML
// This requires a wrapper element in IE
htmlSerialize: !!div.getElementsByTagName(“link”).length,
// Get the style information from getAttribute
// (IE uses .cssText insted)
style: /red/.test( a.getAttribute(“style”) ),
// Make sure that URLs aren’t manipulated
// (IE normalizes it by default)
hrefNormalized: a.getAttribute(“href”) === “/a”,
// Make sure that element opacity exists
// (IE uses filter instead)
// Use a regex to work around a WebKit issue. See #5145
opacity: /^0.55$/.test( a.style.opacity ),
// Verify style float existence
// (IE uses styleFloat instead of cssFloat)
cssFloat: !!a.style.cssFloat,
// Make sure that if no value is specified for a checkbox
// that it defaults to “on”.
// (WebKit defaults to “” instead)
checkOn: div.getElementsByTagName(“input”)[0].value === “on”,
// Make sure that a selected-by-default option has a working selected property.
// (WebKit defaults to false instead of true, IE too, if it’s in an optgroup)
optSelected: document.createElement(“select”).appendChild( document.createElement(“option”) ).selected,
parentNode: div.removeChild( div.appendChild( document.createElement(“div”) ) ).parentNode === null,
// Will be defined later
deleteExpando: true,
checkClone: false,
scriptEval: false,
noCloneEvent: true,
boxModel: null
};
script.type = “text/javascript”;
try {
script.appendChild( document.createTextNode( “window.” + id + “=1;” ) );
} catch(e) {}
root.insertBefore( script, root.firstChild );
// Make sure that the execution of code works by injecting a script
// tag with appendChild/createTextNode
// (IE doesn’t support this, fails, and uses .text instead)
if ( window[ id ] ) {
jQuery.support.scriptEval = true;
delete window[ id ];
}
// Test to see if it’s possible to delete an expando from an element
// Fails in Internet Explorer
try {
delete script.test;
} catch(e) {
jQuery.support.deleteExpando = false;
}
root.removeChild( script );
if ( div.attachEvent && div.fireEvent ) {
div.attachEvent(“onclick”, function click() {
// Cloning a node shouldn’t copy over any
// bound event handlers (IE does this)
jQuery.support.noCloneEvent = false;
div.detachEvent(“onclick”, click);
});
div.cloneNode(true).fireEvent(“onclick”);
}
div = document.createElement(“div”);
div.innerHTML = “”;
var fragment = document.createDocumentFragment();
fragment.appendChild( div.firstChild );
// WebKit doesn’t clone checked state correctly in fragments
jQuery.support.checkClone = fragment.cloneNode(true).cloneNode(true).lastChild.checked;
// Figure out if the W3C box model works as expected
// document.body must exist before we can do this
jQuery(function() {
var div = document.createElement(“div”);
div.style.width = div.style.paddingLeft = “1px”;
document.body.appendChild( div );
jQuery.boxModel = jQuery.support.boxModel = div.offsetWidth === 2;
document.body.removeChild( div ).style.display = ‘none';
div = null;
});
// Technique from Juriy Zaytsev
// http://thinkweb2.com/projects/prototype/detecting-event-support-without-browser-sniffing/
var eventSupported = function( eventName ) {
var el = document.createElement(“div”);
eventName = “on” + eventName;
var isSupported = (eventName in el);
if ( !isSupported ) {
el.setAttribute(eventName, “return;”);
isSupported = typeof el[eventName] === “function”;
}
el = null;
return isSupported;
};
jQuery.support.submitBubbles = eventSupported(“submit”);
jQuery.support.changeBubbles = eventSupported(“change”);
// release memory in IE
root = script = div = all = a = null;
})();
jQuery.props = {
“for”: “htmlFor”,
“class”: “className”,
readonly: “readOnly”,
maxlength: “maxLength”,
cellspacing: “cellSpacing”,
rowspan: “rowSpan”,
colspan: “colSpan”,
tabindex: “tabIndex”,
usemap: “useMap”,
frameborder: “frameBorder”
};
var expando = “jQuery” + now(), uuid = 0, windowData = {};
jQuery.extend({
cache: {},
expando:expando,
// The following elements throw uncatchable exceptions if you
// attempt to add expando properties to them.
noData: {
“embed”: true,
“object”: true,
“applet”: true
},
data: function( elem, name, data ) {
if ( elem.nodeName && jQuery.noData[elem.nodeName.toLowerCase()] ) {
return;
}
elem = elem == window ?
windowData :
elem;
var id = elem[ expando ], cache = jQuery.cache, thisCache;
if ( !id && typeof name === “string” && data === undefined ) {
return null;
}
// Compute a unique ID for the element
if ( !id ) {
id = ++uuid;
}
// Avoid generating a new cache unless none exists and we
// want to manipulate it.
if ( typeof name === “object” ) {
elem[ expando ] = id;
thisCache = cache[ id ] = jQuery.extend(true, {}, name);
} else if ( !cache[ id ] ) {
elem[ expando ] = id;
cache[ id ] = {};
}
thisCache = cache[ id ];
// Prevent overriding the named cache with undefined values
if ( data !== undefined ) {
thisCache[ name ] = data;
}
return typeof name === “string” ? thisCache[ name ] : thisCache;
},
removeData: function( elem, name ) {
if ( elem.nodeName && jQuery.noData[elem.nodeName.toLowerCase()] ) {
return;
}
elem = elem == window ?
windowData :
elem;
var id = elem[ expando ], cache = jQuery.cache, thisCache = cache[ id ];
// If we want to remove a specific section of the element’s data
if ( name ) {
if ( thisCache ) {
// Remove the section of cache data
delete thisCache[ name ];
// If we’ve removed all the data, remove the element’s cache
if ( jQuery.isEmptyObject(thisCache) ) {
jQuery.removeData( elem );
}
}
// Otherwise, we want to remove all of the element’s data
} else {
if ( jQuery.support.deleteExpando ) {
delete elem[ jQuery.expando ];
} else if ( elem.removeAttribute ) {
elem.removeAttribute( jQuery.expando );
}
// Completely remove the data cache
delete cache[ id ];
}
}
});
jQuery.fn.extend({
data: function( key, value ) {
if ( typeof key === “undefined” && this.length ) {
return jQuery.data( this[0] );
} else if ( typeof key === “object” ) {
return this.each(function() {
jQuery.data( this, key );
});
}
var parts = key.split(“.”);
parts[1] = parts[1] ? “.” + parts[1] : “”;
if ( value === undefined ) {
var data = this.triggerHandler(“getData” + parts[1] + “!”, [parts[0]]);
if ( data === undefined && this.length ) {
data = jQuery.data( this[0], key );
}
return data === undefined && parts[1] ?
this.data( parts[0] ) :
data;
} else {
return this.trigger(“setData” + parts[1] + “!”, [parts[0], value]).each(function() {
jQuery.data( this, key, value );
});
}
},
removeData: function( key ) {
return this.each(function() {
jQuery.removeData( this, key );
});
}
});
jQuery.extend({
queue: function( elem, type, data ) {
if ( !elem ) {
return;
}
type = (type || “fx”) + “queue”;
var q = jQuery.data( elem, type );
// Speed up dequeue by getting out quickly if this is just a lookup
if ( !data ) {
return q || [];
}
if ( !q || jQuery.isArray(data) ) {
q = jQuery.data( elem, type, jQuery.makeArray(data) );
} else {
q.push( data );
}
return q;
},
dequeue: function( elem, type ) {
type = type || “fx”;
var queue = jQuery.queue( elem, type ), fn = queue.shift();
// If the fx queue is dequeued, always remove the progress sentinel
if ( fn === “inprogress” ) {
fn = queue.shift();
}
if ( fn ) {
// Add a progress sentinel to prevent the fx queue from being
// automatically dequeued
if ( type === “fx” ) {
queue.unshift(“inprogress”);
}
fn.call(elem, function() {
jQuery.dequeue(elem, type);
});
}
}
});
jQuery.fn.extend({
queue: function( type, data ) {
if ( typeof type !== “string” ) {
data = type;
type = “fx”;
}
if ( data === undefined ) {
return jQuery.queue( this[0], type );
}
return this.each(function( i, elem ) {
var queue = jQuery.queue( this, type, data );
if ( type === “fx” && queue[0] !== “inprogress” ) {
jQuery.dequeue( this, type );
}
});
},
dequeue: function( type ) {
return this.each(function() {
jQuery.dequeue( this, type );
});
},
// Based off of the plugin by Clint Helfers, with permission.
// http://blindsignals.com/index.php/2009/07/jquery-delay/
delay: function( time, type ) {
time = jQuery.fx ? jQuery.fx.speeds[time] || time : time;
type = type || “fx”;
return this.queue( type, function() {
var elem = this;
setTimeout(function() {
jQuery.dequeue( elem, type );
}, time );
});
},
clearQueue: function( type ) {
return this.queue( type || “fx”, [] );
}
});
var rclass = /[\n\t]/g,
rspace = /\s+/,
rreturn = /\r/g,
rspecialurl = /href|src|style/,
rtype = /(button|input)/i,
rfocusable = /(button|input|object|select|textarea)/i,
rclickable = /^(a|area)$/i,
rradiocheck = /radio|checkbox/;
jQuery.fn.extend({
attr: function( name, value ) {
return access( this, name, value, true, jQuery.attr );
},
removeAttr: function( name, fn ) {
return this.each(function(){
jQuery.attr( this, name, “” );
if ( this.nodeType === 1 ) {
this.removeAttribute( name );
}
});
},
addClass: function( value ) {
if ( jQuery.isFunction(value) ) {
return this.each(function(i) {
var self = jQuery(this);
self.addClass( value.call(this, i, self.attr(“class”)) );
});
}
if ( value && typeof value === “string” ) {
var classNames = (value || “”).split( rspace );
for ( var i = 0, l = this.length; i < l; i++ ) {
var elem = this[i];
if ( elem.nodeType === 1 ) {
if ( !elem.className ) {
elem.className = value;
} else {
var className = " " + elem.className + " ", setClass = elem.className;
for ( var c = 0, cl = classNames.length; c < cl; c++ ) {
if ( className.indexOf( " " + classNames[c] + " " ) < 0 ) {
setClass += " " + classNames[c];
}
}
elem.className = jQuery.trim( setClass );
}
}
}
}
return this;
},
removeClass: function( value ) {
if ( jQuery.isFunction(value) ) {
return this.each(function(i) {
var self = jQuery(this);
self.removeClass( value.call(this, i, self.attr("class")) );
});
}
if ( (value && typeof value === "string") || value === undefined ) {
var classNames = (value || "").split(rspace);
for ( var i = 0, l = this.length; i < l; i++ ) {
var elem = this[i];
if ( elem.nodeType === 1 && elem.className ) {
if ( value ) {
var className = (" " + elem.className + " ").replace(rclass, " ");
for ( var c = 0, cl = classNames.length; c < cl; c++ ) {
className = className.replace(" " + classNames[c] + " ", " ");
}
elem.className = jQuery.trim( className );
} else {
elem.className = "";
}
}
}
}
return this;
},
toggleClass: function( value, stateVal ) {
var type = typeof value, isBool = typeof stateVal === "boolean";
if ( jQuery.isFunction( value ) ) {
return this.each(function(i) {
var self = jQuery(this);
self.toggleClass( value.call(this, i, self.attr("class"), stateVal), stateVal );
});
}
return this.each(function() {
if ( type === "string" ) {
// toggle individual class names
var className, i = 0, self = jQuery(this),
state = stateVal,
classNames = value.split( rspace );
while ( (className = classNames[ i++ ]) ) {
// check each className given, space seperated list
state = isBool ? state : !self.hasClass( className );
self[ state ? "addClass" : "removeClass" ]( className );
}
} else if ( type === "undefined" || type === "boolean" ) {
if ( this.className ) {
// store className if set
jQuery.data( this, "__className__", this.className );
}
// toggle whole className
this.className = this.className || value === false ? "" : jQuery.data( this, "__className__" ) || "";
}
});
},
hasClass: function( selector ) {
var className = " " + selector + " ";
for ( var i = 0, l = this.length; i -1 ) {
return true;
}
}
return false;
},
val: function( value ) {
if ( value === undefined ) {
var elem = this[0];
if ( elem ) {
if ( jQuery.nodeName( elem, “option” ) ) {
return (elem.attributes.value || {}).specified ? elem.value : elem.text;
}
// We need to handle select boxes special
if ( jQuery.nodeName( elem, “select” ) ) {
var index = elem.selectedIndex,
values = [],
options = elem.options,
one = elem.type === “select-one”;
// Nothing was selected
if ( index < 0 ) {
return null;
}
// Loop through all the selected options
for ( var i = one ? index : 0, max = one ? index + 1 : options.length; i = 0;
} else if ( jQuery.nodeName( this, “select” ) ) {
var values = jQuery.makeArray(val);
jQuery( “option”, this ).each(function() {
this.selected = jQuery.inArray( jQuery(this).val(), values ) >= 0;
});
if ( !values.length ) {
this.selectedIndex = -1;
}
} else {
this.value = val;
}
});
}
});
jQuery.extend({
attrFn: {
val: true,
css: true,
html: true,
text: true,
data: true,
width: true,
height: true,
offset: true
},
attr: function( elem, name, value, pass ) {
// don’t set attributes on text and comment nodes
if ( !elem || elem.nodeType === 3 || elem.nodeType === 8 ) {
return undefined;
}
if ( pass && name in jQuery.attrFn ) {
return jQuery(elem)[name](value);
}
var notxml = elem.nodeType !== 1 || !jQuery.isXMLDoc( elem ),
// Whether we are setting (or getting)
set = value !== undefined;
// Try to normalize/fix the name
name = notxml && jQuery.props[ name ] || name;
// Only do all the following if this is a node (faster for style)
if ( elem.nodeType === 1 ) {
// These attributes require special treatment
var special = rspecialurl.test( name );
// Safari mis-reports the default selected property of an option
// Accessing the parent’s selectedIndex property fixes it
if ( name === “selected” && !jQuery.support.optSelected ) {
var parent = elem.parentNode;
if ( parent ) {
parent.selectedIndex;
// Make sure that it also works with optgroups, see #5701
if ( parent.parentNode ) {
parent.parentNode.selectedIndex;
}
}
}
// If applicable, access the attribute via the DOM 0 way
if ( name in elem && notxml && !special ) {
if ( set ) {
// We can’t allow the type property to be changed (since it causes problems in IE)
if ( name === “type” && rtype.test( elem.nodeName ) && elem.parentNode ) {
jQuery.error( “type property can’t be changed” );
}
elem[ name ] = value;
}
// browsers index elements by id/name on forms, give priority to attributes.
if ( jQuery.nodeName( elem, “form” ) && elem.getAttributeNode(name) ) {
return elem.getAttributeNode( name ).nodeValue;
}
// elem.tabIndex doesn’t always return the correct value when it hasn’t been explicitly set
// http://fluidproject.org/blog/2008/01/09/getting-setting-and-removing-tabindex-values-with-javascript/
if ( name === “tabIndex” ) {
var attributeNode = elem.getAttributeNode( “tabIndex” );
return attributeNode && attributeNode.specified ?
attributeNode.value :
rfocusable.test( elem.nodeName ) || rclickable.test( elem.nodeName ) && elem.href ?
0 :
undefined;
}
return elem[ name ];
}
if ( !jQuery.support.style && notxml && name === “style” ) {
if ( set ) {
elem.style.cssText = “” + value;
}
return elem.style.cssText;
}
if ( set ) {
// convert the value to a string (all browsers do this but IE) see #1070
elem.setAttribute( name, “” + value );
}
var attr = !jQuery.support.hrefNormalized && notxml && special ?
// Some attributes require a special call on IE
elem.getAttribute( name, 2 ) :
elem.getAttribute( name );
// Non-existent attributes return null, we normalize to undefined
return attr === null ? undefined : attr;
}
// elem is actually elem.style … set the style
// Using attr for specific style information is now deprecated. Use style instead.
return jQuery.style( elem, name, value );
}
});
var rnamespaces = /\.(.*)$/,
fcleanup = function( nm ) {
return nm.replace(/[^\w\s\.\|`]/g, function( ch ) {
return “\\” + ch;
});
};
/*
* A number of helper functions used for managing events.
* Many of the ideas behind this code originated from
* Dean Edwards’ addEvent library.
*/
jQuery.event = {
// Bind an event to an element
// Original by Dean Edwards
add: function( elem, types, handler, data ) {
if ( elem.nodeType === 3 || elem.nodeType === 8 ) {
return;
}
// For whatever reason, IE has trouble passing the window object
// around, causing it to be cloned in the process
if ( elem.setInterval && ( elem !== window && !elem.frameElement ) ) {
elem = window;
}
var handleObjIn, handleObj;
if ( handler.handler ) {
handleObjIn = handler;
handler = handleObjIn.handler;
}
// Make sure that the function being executed has a unique ID
if ( !handler.guid ) {
handler.guid = jQuery.guid++;
}
// Init the element’s event structure
var elemData = jQuery.data( elem );
// If no elemData is found then we must be trying to bind to one of the
// banned noData elements
if ( !elemData ) {
return;
}
var events = elemData.events = elemData.events || {},
eventHandle = elemData.handle, eventHandle;
if ( !eventHandle ) {
elemData.handle = eventHandle = function() {
// Handle the second event of a trigger and when
// an event is called after a page has unloaded
return typeof jQuery !== “undefined” && !jQuery.event.triggered ?
jQuery.event.handle.apply( eventHandle.elem, arguments ) :
undefined;
};
}
// Add elem as a property of the handle function
// This is to prevent a memory leak with non-native events in IE.
eventHandle.elem = elem;
// Handle multiple events separated by a space
// jQuery(…).bind(“mouseover mouseout”, fn);
types = types.split(” “);
var type, i = 0, namespaces;
while ( (type = types[ i++ ]) ) {
handleObj = handleObjIn ?
jQuery.extend({}, handleObjIn) :
{ handler: handler, data: data };
// Namespaced event handlers
if ( type.indexOf(“.”) > -1 ) {
namespaces = type.split(“.”);
type = namespaces.shift();
handleObj.namespace = namespaces.slice(0).sort().join(“.”);
} else {
namespaces = [];
handleObj.namespace = “”;
}
handleObj.type = type;
handleObj.guid = handler.guid;
// Get the current list of functions bound to this event
var handlers = events[ type ],
special = jQuery.event.special[ type ] || {};
// Init the event handler queue
if ( !handlers ) {
handlers = events[ type ] = [];
// Check for a special event handler
// Only use addEventListener/attachEvent if the special
// events handler returns false
if ( !special.setup || special.setup.call( elem, data, namespaces, eventHandle ) === false ) {
// Bind the global event handler to the element
if ( elem.addEventListener ) {
elem.addEventListener( type, eventHandle, false );
} else if ( elem.attachEvent ) {
elem.attachEvent( “on” + type, eventHandle );
}
}
}
if ( special.add ) {
special.add.call( elem, handleObj );
if ( !handleObj.handler.guid ) {
handleObj.handler.guid = handler.guid;
}
}
// Add the function to the element’s handler list
handlers.push( handleObj );
// Keep track of which events have been used, for global triggering
jQuery.event.global[ type ] = true;
}
// Nullify elem to prevent memory leaks in IE
elem = null;
},
global: {},
// Detach an event or set of events from an element
remove: function( elem, types, handler, pos ) {
// don’t do events on text and comment nodes
if ( elem.nodeType === 3 || elem.nodeType === 8 ) {
return;
}
var ret, type, fn, i = 0, all, namespaces, namespace, special, eventType, handleObj, origType,
elemData = jQuery.data( elem ),
events = elemData && elemData.events;
if ( !elemData || !events ) {
return;
}
// types is actually an event object here
if ( types && types.type ) {
handler = types.handler;
types = types.type;
}
// Unbind all events for the element
if ( !types || typeof types === “string” && types.charAt(0) === “.” ) {
types = types || “”;
for ( type in events ) {
jQuery.event.remove( elem, type + types );
}
return;
}
// Handle multiple events separated by a space
// jQuery(…).unbind(“mouseover mouseout”, fn);
types = types.split(” “);
while ( (type = types[ i++ ]) ) {
origType = type;
handleObj = null;
all = type.indexOf(“.”) < 0;
namespaces = [];
if ( !all ) {
// Namespaced event handlers
namespaces = type.split(".");
type = namespaces.shift();
namespace = new RegExp("(^|\\.)" +
jQuery.map( namespaces.slice(0).sort(), fcleanup ).join("\\.(?:.*\\.)?") + "(\\.|$)")
}
eventType = events[ type ];
if ( !eventType ) {
continue;
}
if ( !handler ) {
for ( var j = 0; j < eventType.length; j++ ) {
handleObj = eventType[ j ];
if ( all || namespace.test( handleObj.namespace ) ) {
jQuery.event.remove( elem, origType, handleObj.handler, j );
eventType.splice( j–, 1 );
}
}
continue;
}
special = jQuery.event.special[ type ] || {};
for ( var j = pos || 0; j = 0 ) {
event.type = type = type.slice(0, -1);
event.exclusive = true;
}
// Handle a global trigger
if ( !elem ) {
// Don’t bubble custom events when global (to avoid too much overhead)
event.stopPropagation();
// Only trigger if we’ve ever bound an event for it
if ( jQuery.event.global[ type ] ) {
jQuery.each(