IT will be very traditional, Wellington wedding planner Paula Bevege explains.
At 8.30 tomorrow morning, Newcastle veterinarian Paul McCarthy will race down to Wellington’s Town Hall, collect his marriage certificate, and within the hour he’ll be a married man.
There’s boundless excitement for the 42-year-old, who is finally marrying the love of his life after 11 years together.
“They’ve got exquisite taste. It’s quite traditional in terms of colours,” Ms Bevege says.
“We’re doing a lovely soft pastel colour scheme … lots of roses and some peony roses.
“It’s going to be quite spectacular and quite beautiful.”
Of course, Ms Bevege says, there are a few things that won’t be so traditional.
For a start, Paul is marrying a man.
Paul and his teacher partner Trent Kandler, 37, will become the first gay Australian couple to wed in New Zealand tomorrow on the first day of the country’s new laws allowing same-sex marriage.
They’re normally a very private pair.
They say they’re an average couple who have never aspired to score any political points in the past.
But the other major break from tradition tomorrow is that when they say “I do” they want all Australians to be watching and every politician to pay attention.
Their declaration of love, they hope, will sound a new era in Australia where politicians will finally act to legalise gay marriage here.
“It’s very exciting. We’ve been waiting to be married for many years,” Paul said.
“We went for a holiday in Canada and thought we may get married there, but we really wanted somewhere for our friends to be with us all.
“We’ve been waiting for Australia to give us the OK to be treated equally for many years now … so when New Zealand announced (it had legalised gay marriage) it was almost a given.”
Paul and Trent are the first in what is expected to be a convoy of planes loaded with gay Australian couples heading to New Zealand to tie the knot.
Ms Bevege, who has planned the pair’s wedding since they won a competition by Tourism New Zealand to fly their family and friends over to be married in Wellington’s Te Papa Museum, says she has been speaking to many couples keen to fly across the Tasman to exchange vows.
On Tuesday New Zealand made its new same-sex marriage forms available online and within 24 hours 46 had been downloaded overseas, of which 30 were for Australian couples.
Jeff Montgomery, of the Department of Internal Affairs, said a further 19 Australian couples in New Zealand had lodged their marriage forms.
“The total number of marriage-related documents downloaded (within 24 hours of same-sex marriage documents being issued) were almost three times our usual number,” Mr Montgomery said.
Domestically, 293 couples lodged same-sex marriage forms immediately.
They are statistics the New Zealand government predicted – and subsequently planned for with an immediate advertising campaign to lure gay tourists from Australia and around the world to venture to the Land of the Long White Cloud to enjoy its liberal marriage laws.
New Zealand has also managed to attract back some of the tens of thousands of citizens it has been haemorrhaging every year.
Though they’re making the return trek grudgingly.
“We actually wanted to get married last year but we put it off because we wanted to wait and see what would happen,” says Lee Haukedahl, a former New Zealander who considers herself almost Australian after spending the last seven years in Melbourne.
Ms Haukedahl, 36, and her partner Kerryn Fields, 29, are planning a beach wedding at Waitomo on New Zealand’s North Island on September 25.
“It’s so close now and very exciting,” Ms Haukedahl said.
“(But) it’s a shame coming back here, it won’t be recognised.
“Politicians (in Australia) need to work it out and get up with the times.”
“We didn’t plan to be here for (this long) but we just love it and want to make it our home.
“We really want to be recognised in Australia and as we get older it’s more and more important.”
Ms Haukedahl’s pain is felt by all gay couples getting married abroad.
No gay marriages anywhere in the world will be recognised – even as civil unions – when the couple returns to Australia.
And even if gay marriage is legalised in the future, there is a chance those marriages overseas will still not be recognised here, a spokeswoman from the Attorney-General’s office says.
Gay couples who get married in New Zealand can use their wedding as evidence towards being recognised as a de facto couple or in a civil union (depending on their state’s laws) when they return to Australia.
But the legal recognition takes a back seat for many Australian couples who say the symbolism of being married is more important.
In matching black suits and rainbow ties, Daniel and Ben Winters-McAppion tied the knot in a special ceremony surrounded by family and friends in Cairns, Queensland.
It was a special, intimate event and the pair subsequently took on each other’s surnames – even though legally it was pointless.
Daniel, 52, and Ben, 32, have been considered themselves “married” for several years but hope to later this year fly to New Zealand where they say it is important for them to officially be wed under laws that recognise gay couples.
Ben, a sales representative, said their original wedding was “absolutely beautiful” but “means nothing to the government”.
Now in a civil union under the Queensland laws afforded to gay couples, Ben said the pair were anxious to marry because it was important to have a wedding recognised by law in at least one country.
“They will tax us as a couple, take benefits from us as if we were a couple … but yet we can’t be married like any other couple,” Ben said.
“I feel really second-class to our government.”
Claudia Kinnersly-King feels the same and if someone asks her about her marital status, the Melbourne social worker more often than not replies that she’s married.
“Most people assume there’s a husband,” the 24-year-old says.
The truth is two years ago she had a civil union ceremony with her partner Ashley, also 24.
The Melbourne couple consider themselves married but say it is “demoralising” that they’re not recognised that way by most people in Australia.
“I think for us a big part of it is the social recognition and while we’re married in the context of our relationship … in the context of society, other people might not view it that way,” Claudia said.
“It feels a bit demoralising.”
Despite the barriers, the pair were both walked down the aisle in white dresses in front of dozens of family and friends.
Now planning on starting a family, Claudia says it would be too expensive to immediately fly to New Zealand to be married. Though she wants to eventually, and says even if it is legalised in Australia she will spend the money elsewhere to support a country that has been more supportive of her.
“You can’t do it for anyone but yourselves of course,” she said.
“We do have a particular sort of social structure that puts emphasis on marriage as the most important commitment you can make to someone publicly.
“It’s not for everyone but it’s something we both wanted.”
Lobbyists hope the time that those gay weddings will happen in Australia is soon.
Rodney Croome, as the director of Australian Marriage Equality, talks about the campaign for equal rights more than he wishes.
He says there will be some ageing gay couples and others with ageing parents who will rush to New Zealand for a wedding they deserve.
It’s a sad state of affairs that Australia continues to trail other countries on gay rights.
But Mr Croome will not stop flying the rainbow flag in front of Australia’s politicians and voters.
Tomorrow he says he will tune in with interest as media companies cover the first gay couples being married in New Zealand.
“I’ll be happy for the Australia couples who will marry in New Zealand because the exchange of vows of a lifelong commitment is always something to celebrate,” Mr Croome explains. “But I’ll be sad that they can’t marry the person they love in the country they love.”
Photos: Michelle Dunn. Ann-marie Calilhanna.
Author: Kieran Campbell
Publication: news.com.au
Date: 18 August 2013