I cannot express how being invited to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party would both simultaneously thrill me and throw me into a tailspin of indecision. On one hand, this kind of invitation tells me that the party host has a great sense of humour, so the event, itself, is likely to be a great time! On the other hand, MAN that is a lot of pressure to perform. There are so many funny (and ugly) Christmas sweaters out there — how on earth am I supposed to choose just one? Not to mention the fact that the sweater you wear will tell those around you a bit about your personality, opinions, and stance on social issues. You know, important things like whether you enjoy a good poo joke or are willing to risk wearing a battery-operated shirt in damp weather conditions in order to amuse others.
Whenever I see someone wearing one out and about or at a regular holiday party, I take note. I really think about the message behind what each person decided to wear on their chest to tell the world, “This is who I am. Now pass the spiked nog.” In case you got the invite I both long for and am terrified of, please allow me to break down some of my personal favourite sweaters available now — not so much for what they look like, but for what they so clearly say about the wearer.
The Betty White Sweater
What it says about you: “I’d travel ‘round the world and back again to thank you for being a friend, a pal, and a confidant.”
Price: $24.99
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Photo: Etsy
The Vomiting Unicorn Sweater
What it says about you: “I love unicorns. I also have empathy for anyone who eats way too much over the holidays and barfs. It happens, man. It happens.”
Price: $39.99
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Photo: Target
The Sweater for Two
What it says about you, if you wear the sweater with your sibling: "We promised our mum we would wear this. Please post this on Facebook and tag her."
What it says about you, if you're a couple wearing it: “My sweetie and I are not only joined at the hip, we like to show the world that opposites attract. WE ARE ADORABLE.”
Price: $39.99
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Photo: Target
The 'Dabbing' Sweater
What it says about you: “I had SO MUCH FUN dabbing this year, and hope Santa makes it cool to keep doing it next year. Should we take a group picture of us all dabbing now? Hello? Anyone?”
Price: $19.99
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Photo: Etsy
The Festivus Sweater
What it says about you: “I believe the party only really begins when the airing of grievances does.”
Price: $22
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Photo: Etsy
The Grandma & the Reindeer Sweater
What it says about you: “There’s only one song on my Christmas playlist.”
Price: $34.99
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Photo: Fun
Grandma's Sweater Vest
What it says about you: “My grandma does not know that I borrowed her legit favourite Christmas sweater for this party.”
Price: $58
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Photo: RustyZipper
The Hotline Bling Sweater
What it says about you: "I might have misunderstood the invitation’s suggestion to, 'Come wearing your favourite bling!'"
Price: $30
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Photo: Etsy
The Funny Jesus Sweater
What it says about you: “He’s the reason for the season and I am 100 percent expecting there to be birthday cake at this shindig.”
Price: $55
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Photo: TipsyElves
The Yellow Snow Sweater
What it says about you: “I’m 45-years-old and still think pee jokes are really funny.”
Price: $35
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Photo: TipsyElves
The DIY Sweater
What it says about you: “I’m so committed to my ugly sweater perfection that I made myself with a DIY kit.”
Price: $39.99
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Photo: UglyChristmasSweater
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