G’day, how you all bloody gaan’? …. is probably what some of you expect Aussies to start a sentence with. But no, here’s my actual greeting: I’m Ashlee, twenty-one years young, from Global Wanderlust and as you may have guessed, I’m an Aussie. I’m here to shine a light on the reality of being Australian. 
Shane, as you know, has recently become an Australian expat and like some non-native Australians, had some pre-concieved (albeit innocent) notions of what Australia is all about. I am lucky to call Australia home; we are blessed with our quality of life, have a diverse environment to live in and explore and we also have a range of beautiful fauna and flora. So when I saw Shane’s Aussie bucket list, I had to giggle and gasp; both at what she had missed and the unlikelihood of some things:
UNLIKELY
GET A PET KOALA: You can cross this off your list, Shane! It’s probably impossible to get one as a pet, although you can hold one at almost every animal park/wildlife sanctuary. I’ve held a few in my lifetime, including baby crocs in Darwin (see adorable me below) and a sugar glider in Kangaroo Island.
BEFRIEND A KANGAROO JACK: Over here, they’re simply called ‘roos’ and some are quite aggressive or shy, so they don’t stick around to chat unless you’re in an animal park (check out baby me having a pat below!). Unfortunately, you’re also more likely to hit one driving then make friends with one in the wild.
Kangaroos are not hopping down the street with koala bears hanging from the trees, contrary to popular belief.
ADD
GO CAMPING: Camping in the Aussie outback is something that I did a lot when I was a little (see pics), only once a year now at Wilpena Pound. If you want to truly immerse yourself in Australia’s flora, fauna and diverse environment (and heat), then you need to camp. Camping also means a road-trip and many stops along the way.
VISIT AN OUTBACK PUB: The picture below is at Blinman Pub, Flinders Ranges in South Australia and features hundreds of business cards. Just like at Blinman, a lot of Aussie outback pubs have tons of personality, including the staff and customers. If you want to go all out, go on a pub trail road-trip.
EXPLORE: I’ve been lucky enough to have parents that wanted us to explore Australia, so when we were younger, our holiday times involved a lot of Aussie exploration (hence all the old pictures). This longing to explore has stayed with me, and I believe everyone should explore everywhere they possibly can. I’ve been to Western Australia, the Northern Territory (I climbed Uluru), Queensland, Victoria, New South Wales, Tasmania and I live in South Australia and I’m proud of that.
FOOD
VEGEMITE: I don’t know why but Americans seem to hate it, but it is definitely an Aussie stereotype that is correct, we all love it (butter and Vegemite on toast is my daily breakfast).
TIM TAMS: I personally believe they’re overrated. They’re like the opposite of Vegemite, Americans love them but Aussies aren’t really fazed.
KANGAROO: I love, love, love kangaroo meat. Sounds odd, but it’s delicious. It’s gamey, but lean. You have to try it once! Contrary to popular belief, Aussies do not eat kangaroo for dinner every night. It’s not like chicken. , Australia is one of the only countries where we eat the animals on our coat of arms.
FAIRY BREAD: Pretty much a birthday party staple in primary school, I haven’t had it in years because I’m technically an adult now and I’m boring and never have white bread or sprinkles!
PAVLOVA: My crowning glory, I can make a mean pav. Top it with strawberries, cream and banana and you have yourself a taste-bud party. It’s been my birthday cake for the last couple of years, and I make them for Christmas too because everyone loves it.
SAUSAGE ROLLS: Homemade sausage rolls are like a hug from Mum in your stomach. They are perfect, and so easy to make. If you’re gunna buy one, go Villi’s!
Thank you Ashlee, for putting a true Aussie lens on my nonsensical expat views. Upon first arrival, Sydney was a clean, bustling city, that welcomed me with open arms. People looked the same and acted the same. They had a different way of speaking, yet it was still English. I had traveled across the globe only to be transplanted in a friendlier and cleaner version of America.
My perspective on things that brought initial culture shock have changed, but still linger. Australia is similar to America in so many ways, yet it feels so different at times. I think it’s the subtlety in the differences that makes them so difficult to accept. Some things that still confuse me, nine months in:
Cheek Kisses
To Hug or to Kiss…the million dollar question. I still struggle with the proper etiquette. Normally I let the guy kiss my cheek because it feels more natural and I avoid planting a lipstick mark on him (or even worse, actual lip contact). But when it comes to greeting females, I am completely perplexed and end up doing an awkward jig, then turn away blushing. I can appreciate this greeting in social situations, but find it odd when I am “kissed” in the workplace.
Cockroaches
They are EVERYWHERE in the summertime. My mother thought I was living in filth when she visited, but when I called up my landlord to get an exterminator, she told me “oh that’s normal, you could spray for them but they will come back.” I didn’t sleep well that night.
High wages and no tipping
The minimum wage here is drastically higher ($17.50, and I’ve heard of waitresses making $25/hr) This eliminates a need for tipping, and because of this, service is not of top priority. Often times you have to go to the front to order your food. They don’t bring water to the table, you have to get your own jug, which is always warm and without ice. That being said, I’ve always had friendly waitstaff and bartenders no matter where I go.
“The” Cricket
The sport, not the insect. There is an intense India-Australia rivalry in my office that gets a bit heated on game day. It’s a confusing and dull game, in my opinion. And I thought baseball on TV was bad.
I don’t wish to denigrate a sport that is enjoyed by millions, some of them awake and facing the right way, but it is an odd game. It is the only sport that incorporates meal breaks. It is the only sport that shares its name with an insect. It is the only sport in which spectators burn as many calories as players – more if they are moderately restless. It is the only competitive activity of any type, other than perhaps baking, in which you can dress in white from head to toe and be as clean at the end of the day as you were at the beginning.It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively; that was merely an unintended side effect.
BBQs
Australians really do love their Barbies. If you are invited for a social gathering, celebration, or holiday, your food will inevitably be cooked on the barbie. Most commonly it will be sausages (snags) and chicken skewers rather than hotdogs and burgers. They put beetroot and eggs on their burgers and use sandwich bread instead of sausage buns. Ketchup and “American” mustard are rarely used, with BBQ sauce in their place.
No college sports
I grew up in Columbus, where the Ohio State Buckeyes rule the city and take priority over any professional sports, so this is particularity odd to me. While ‘unis’ do have sports, they do not have what Americans would consider Division I, II, or III sporting leagues.
Prices
Most prices in Australia end in .99 or .49, yet a 1 cent coin does not exist. Thus, they round up the price and you never actually get your change back. It’s all a marketing ploy to make consumers *think* they are paying less. One thing I do like is that all of their prices, whether in a retail store, grocery store, or restaurant, include the tax. So when you are trying to figure out how much something will cost, what you see is exactly what you pay.
Free universal healthcare
Unfortunately, on my work visa I am required to have private health insurance, which runs $80/month. A shame since I would be under my parents for a few more years in the States.
The Australian Government invests more in preventative measures, rather than treating health issues as they arise as in the US. The graphic anti-smoking and drug campaigns, speeding fines are higher, a pack of cigarettes is $20+ with disgusting images of black lungs, rotting teeth, babies in toilets? and other effects of cigarette smoking. Not many people drink and drive because fines are quite severe and our social security and universal medical healthcare are great. We could take a tip or two from the Aussie way.
Politics
Voting is mandatory, which seems forced to me. Australians are far more interested in sports than politics and seem to view politicians as a complete joke. Whereas we would be bombarded with political campaigns for upcoming presidential elections, you rarely hear much about the prime minister. Many Australians feel they are observers rather than participants in formal politics with a shocking 9 in 10 seeing themselves as without influence over the federal government. Quite sad.
Coffee
Don’t get me wrong, the cafe culture in Sydney and Melbourne are second to none. But I still don’t understand the options I am bombarded with… how a long black is different from brewed coffee or a flat white from a cappuccino. At $4-$6 a pop, every latte is presented with a charming frothy design on top.
Brewed coffee makers are nonexistent in Aussie homes. Instead they put on the electric kettle and heat water to add to instant, freeze dried Nescafe. Bleh!
Drinking culture
The legal drinking age in Australia is 18, yet I am still ID’d at every single venue. To help you drink responsibly, bottles of booze are marked with the number of “standard drinks” Bars are required to stop serving shots and double drinks at midnight and have 1am lockout where you won’t be let back in, even if stepping outside for a smoke. You will be interrogated entering the bars: “where have you been?”, “how many drinks have you had?” and if even the least bit over-intoxicated you will be denied access to bars entirely. Note: no one actually drinks Fosters here, it’s XXXX Gold, Coopers, Hahn, or Super Dry instead.
The Metric System
Hi my name is Shane, and I still don’t know how to talk in celcius. The date order trips me up. Instead of writing April 19, you write 19 April or 19/4. The logical way to do things: day, month, year.
Opposite Seasons
The seasons are backwards from the Northern hemisphere. Christmas is in summer, Easter is in the fall, and Thanksgiving and Halloween are in the spring. Not that they celebrate Thanksgiving or Halloween, but it’s still weird to have a harvest holiday in the spring and a celebration of rebirth in the fall.
Work Leave
Everyone is required four weeks paid vacation, four flex days, and ten sick days, time we would only dream of in America! It is not uncommon for workers to take a month or longer to travel, whereas we would take a week at a time for vacation. You kind of have to do this because you spend so long getting anywhere in the you’ve got to make it worth your while. After work drinks with coworkers is common place (sometimes even in the office!) It’s very much a work to play mentality.
The people are immensely likable— cheerful, extrovert, quick-witted, and unfailingly obliging. Their cities are safe and clean and nearly always built on water. They have a society that is prosperous, well ordered, and instinctively egalitarian. The food is excellent. The beer is cold. The sun nearly always shines. There is coffee on every corner. Life doesn’t get much better than this.
At the end of the day, Australia is a great place to live or visit. I have come to terms with the fact that I will forever be that awkward American.
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