Continuing our annual December “where are they now” series, here are five more updates from people who had their questions answered here this year.
1. I’m hearing secondhand reports of problems with an employee but she denies them
I really appreciated the advice of all the commentors, as well as your response. When you published my question I had already taken some steps towards rectifying the issue, which were along the lines of your recommendations so I was relieved to see that I was on the right path. I was able to identify two more senior employees who were able to help keep tabs on the employee’s attendance when I am unavailable and confirmed that the early departures were not an ongoing issue. I also apologized to the employee for not doing my due diligence first and conflating those issues with my real concern. She was receptive to my apology and I saw some immediate improvement in the legitimate issues. I really appreciated that you and others did call me out on saying that I’d done all I could when I most definitely did have additional options (and the obligation to pursue them). Everyone was very kind about it but it was definitely something I needed to hear.
I also took the great advice to look into pot-stirrer’s behaviour as a problem as well. I was so focused on the other employee that I hadn’t recognized how potentially damaging this behaviour could be. As many suggested I did loop in with her after the fact to discuss that I wasn’t able to verify the issues she brought forward and I noticed a definite switch in her demeanour and approach to other employees. I am watching her interactions with others more closely now and am making sure if I see issues to bring them up immediately.
Coincidentally, shortly after this all came up an issue arose where the employee who was said to be not pulling their weight ended up stepping up and providing a lot of support to the pot-stirrer. The employee did a great job of managing that situation and it really helped tie things up nicely and address the concerns the other employees had brought forward. Unfortunately, a few months out from all this I am starting to see signs that the real concerns I had with the employee are starting to creep up again, but I feel much more prepared to address them this time. Thanks again for all your help!
2. Is it unprofessional to write notes on your hands?
I’m the OP who asked about whether it comes across as immature to write notes on my hands throughout the workday. Initially, I felt somewhat resistant to your advice that I stop, especially since a number of commenters shared that they wouldn’t personally look askance at a coworker doing that. However, a few people pointed out that this is one of those things that will use up political capital to some degree – semi-immature, quirky behavior that isn’t bad or unprofessional, per se, but won’t bolster my reputation or help me move up in the company.
So, I decided to stop! I looked for a few smaller notebooks and gagged at the idea of spending over $5 for a 30-page notebook that would last me about a week, so I ended up peeling off a small stack of full-size sticky notes and sticking those in my pocket, along with a Sharpie :) and have been using that for the past week. It’s been great! I feel prepared, professional, and on top of things. I still occasionally make a small mark on my hand – one letter, or a small shape – when I have to remember to do something st a particular time, since I can’t have an alarm on my phone, but it’s small and inconspicuous, and I wash it off as soon as the task is completed.
Thanks so much noticing my question and answering it, and to all your thoughtful commenters. Y’all are the best!
3. How to deal with a coworker in a small office who forces loud political rants on me
As the election ramped up, the rants grew in frequency and size. I approached it two ways. First, I tried the “bean-dip” — essentially, changing the subject to something we both agreed on or could discuss amicably to steer the rant elsewhere. I said something like “I get what you’re saying, Lisa. Oh, by the way, while I’m thinking of i t… Did you see the new designer teapots we’re getting from Imma Little-Teapot? Arent’t they goregeous!?” That was fairly effective. We both love to talk about designer teapots! I did that a few times, but it didn’t stop the rants.
Finally, I said, “You know, Lisa … I really admire your passion and conviction. I agree with you on a lot of these issues. I have to be honest though … With everything on the news and on Facebook right now, I’m politically fatigued. It’s really hard for me to take much more in. I’m absolutely drained. Would you mind if we talked about something else?” She actually apologized, and said that she’s definitely very passionate, but she gets herself worked up easily. She didn’t realize that it was affecting me. Either way, I’m so glad this election is over! In the end, we did both vote for the same person, which I find rather amusing. Crisis averted!
4. I’m afraid my bosses will freak out when I tell them I’m pregnant (#2 at the link)
Thank you so much for answering my letter. I’d like to thank everyone who commented as well. When I wrote you, I was in my first trimester and no one knew about my pregnancy. We were still in the midst of genetic testing, and worried out of our minds about everything. It was such a stressful time and glad it’s over. I’m happy to say I have a good update!
I told my direct boss first. He happens to be a good friend of mine and he was really happy for me. He seemed to think that my executive director would feel the same way and I’d have nothing to worry about. I told her the next day and she was thrilled. She told me that they’d be flexible with my schedule after maternity leave because “I won’t know how I’ll feel until I’ve had the baby.” She offered that I could work from home some days, come in for meetings, etc. She said that she trusted that if anyone could strategize and plan my maternity leave as well as the capital campaign, it was me! I absolutely will come up with a concrete plan for my maternity leave and easing back into work full-time that I will go over with them in the new year. I want to make sure we have an agreement in writing as to meet everyone’s expectations and make sure they are ok with everything.
Since I told her, my executive director has been so nice to me (she always has treated with respect and genuinely likes me – don’t get me wrong) and asks me all the time how I’m feeling. It feels good.
As for working on the capital campaign, a lot of the silent phase will occur before I go on maternity leave. So I’ll get a ton of experience working on it this spring. We are also hiring a consultant to help with the public phase and that won’t start until after I’m back! I’ll miss a board meeting over the summer and probably some other stuff, but I’ll still get to work on it. It will also continue for the next three years, so I don’t have to worry about missing any opportunities. It’s all good!
I really took to heart the comments from readers telling me that I should in no way apologize for the timing of my pregnancy. That resonated with me the most, since I tend to apologize too easily. This isn’t something I should ever apologize for. I work for great people who are happy with the work I do and care about me. I even told them right before my annual performance review. I got a glowing review and an 8% raise!
Again, thank you for taking the time to answer me and comment. You really calmed me down when I needed it most. Happy holidays and happy new year!
5. Is it weird not to meet with the hiring manager? (#3 at the link)
So yes, it was weird that I wasn’t meeting my potential boss (the director). I went to the interview, met with three people, had nice conversations with them … and then waited around for over an hour. The recruiter came by to let me know the fourth person couldn’t make the interview, but the fifth person would be along shortly. The fifth person, had I gotten this job, would have been my closest coworker one level up from me (i.e., I was interviewing for an associate production manager job, and she was the production manager). This conversation, unlike the previous three, was rushed and weird. And then she showed me out very quickly. I heard from the recruiter one week later that I didn’t get the job because they decided that they needed to hire another production manager instead of the associate role, and they didn’t feel I had enough experience. It was really disappointing, and what made it sting just a little bit more was the fact that my younger sister was hired into this same company just three weeks later (albeit for a junior role on a different team).
However, she heard through the grapevine that the day my interview was scheduled, the director quit with no notice, and then the day after my interview the production manager I met with put in her two weeks to move on to another company, but only ended up staying for one day of her notice period before leaving. Turns out this company is kind of terrible to work for — though it is a brand name company that makes it on to tons of “Cool Places To Work” type lists, it has an overgrown startup-like culture, and seems like an overall not great place to work. My sister hates it, and is counting down the days until she reaches a year of employment so she can get out.
A couple of months after this interview I was hired by another company — it’s not a glamorous job, like the other one would have been, but I get to work on interesting projects, the people are nice, the hours are flexible, and the money is good. I successfully transitioned out of nonprofit work and am putting my graduate degree in communications to use, making it worth all the effort and money.
Can’t ask for much more!
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how to deal with a coworker in a small office who forces loud political rants on me
4 more updates from letter-writers
update: should I care about my employer when figuring out when to have a baby?
updates: I’m hearing secondhand reports of problems with an employee, coworker forces loud political rants on me, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.