It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I’m suspicious of my wife’s former boss
My wife’s former boss has invited her to apply at his new company to work under him again. He hired her for her current job at the tech company where she is still currently working. This is her first engineering job, and she has worked there for about 18 months. She went frequently to lunch with him and we visited him at his house once for a party. He is married as well. My wife often spoke of him in a very flattering manner, and when they together, it seems that he likes her (in my opinion). There wasn’t anything improper, to my knowledge. I am working in the medical field, and so is her former’s boss wife.
Personally, I think she shouldn’t apply there and work under him again. It seems that there is some favoritism going on. My gut feeling telling me that he is attracted to her. Please advise.
Unless you have a very specific reason to not trust your wife to work professionally with this man, you should absolutely 100% stay out of it!
Favoritism isn’t a bad thing — good managers do favor excellent employees! And given the chance and the right staffing needs, it’s very normal for managers who move to new jobs to reach out to great former employees and offer them jobs as well. Your wife is a known quantity to her old boss; he knows that she’s great at work she does (presumably) and so of course he wants to work with her again. This kind of thing is very normal, and it’s a great thing for your wife. It would be very bad if you discouraged her from taking him up on it just because of their respective genders.
Since men still are the majority in high-level management roles, if women couldn’t take them up on these offers for fear of secret attraction, women would be missing out on a huge amount of career help. And that would be horribly unfair and unwarranted.
2. I gave my boss honest feedback about a coworker, and then he told him what I said
Recently, a coworker who no one likes to work with was given a promotion. For years I’ve heard the same issues from basically everyone who has worked with this person, and I also experienced firsthand how difficult and unhelpful he can be.
Our department manager asked me for my honest feedback, and I felt I owed it to him and myself to be truthful, of course assuming this was in confidence. Turns out the next day he spoke to the coworker and told him everything we had discussed.
This is now a very awkward situation with my coworker and I feel betrayed by the boss who gave the impression that I could trust him. I stand by my statements, but feel like I’m taking the fall for the many people who feel the same way I do (including the boss, who even agreed with what I was saying!).
I thought about talking to HR, but I don’t want to blow this up into an even bigger situation. And I thought about meeting with the boss again, but I don’t think I can take up his time to essentially ask “why would you do that?” I’m not sure what I could say to my coworker as my words were pretty harsh, though true. (He also recently threw me under the bus for something I didn’t do so I’m in no hurry to form a friendship.) Where do I go from here? Is the lesson here to not trust anyone and always keep your thoughts to yourself?
Did your manager explicitly promise you confidentiality? You wrote “assuming this was in confidence,” which makes me think, well, that you assumed. I can understand why you might have figured that, but yeah, if you didn’t explicitly negotiate confidentiality, you can’t assume it. And that makes sense, if you think about it — if what you’re saying is important, your manager will need to act on it, and acting on it will often mean that confidentiality is impossible.
Of course, a good manager will explain that to you, and will also do what she can to protect her sources, and where that’s not possible will ensure that there aren’t negative repercussions for the people who confided in her. But not every manager is a great one, so ideally you’d ask inquire directly about these things if they’re important in the situation.
I wouldn’t take this to HR, but it would be very reasonable to talk to your boss. I’d say this: “I hadn’t realized when we spoke about Bob that you’d share my comments with him. I understand now that you needed to do that in order to be able to address it, but to be honest, I felt a little blindsided that our conversation wasn’t in confidence. In the future, I’ll know to ask, but I wanted to mention it to you, since maybe you didn’t realize that was my assumption.” Also, if your coworker’s reaction is more than awkwardness — if he’s behaving inappropriately or otherwise making your job harder as a result of that — you could add, “Because of this, Bob is doing X and Y. Is it possible for you to ensure that I don’t have to deal with that just for talking honestly with you?”
3. I’m worried I’ll lose my new job offer during salary verification
I just got a fabulous job offer, but ran into a snag with salary verification from my previous place of employment. My last job was terminated after an acquisition. While I was employed there, I had a considerable shift in responsibilities and workload, due to the chaotic nature of the acquisition, and so I negotiated a higher salary for myself for the rest of the time I was there.
Fast forward to my newly offered position. I gave the HR recruiter and background verification company my ending salary, only for the results to come back showing my starting salary only, which is a lot lower than what I ended with (almost 30% lower). I explained the change in salary and provided my W2s as proof. However, upon speaking to HR at my previous job, I was told that my increase in salary was awarded as a retention bonus, so technically, when I disclosed what I believed was my base salary, I was lying.
What do I do now? I’m afraid this will reflect badly on me, and could result in the new company rescinding their offer.
Explain the situation! “The number they sent you was my starting salary. The number I gave you was my ending salary, like you saw on my W2. When I contacted my old HR department about this, they said that they have my last salary increase recorded as a retention bonus, which is why they gave you that different number. It was never explained to me as a retention bonus; it was presented as salary. So I wanted to clear that up and make sure you know that I gave you the original number in good faith.”
Also, poo to employers who ask for past salary information at all, which is none of their frickin’ business.
4. Can’t submit an application without giving a Social Security number
My 16-year-old son is trying to apply for part-time jobs at supermarkets, retail stores, and restaurants. To apply for 99% of these positions, he’s being told to complete an online application first. All of the online applications he’s started ask for his Social Security number as a required field. He can’t proceed with the application or submit it without filling that in.
I’m very uncomfortable with him providing that at this point in the job search process, but when he goes into the store/restaurant to speak to someone, they’ve all been telling him that he has to fill out the online application to even be considered. Do you have any advice? Am I being unreasonable by not allowing him to give out that information in these instances? I’m okay with him giving the information once he’s been hired, but the first step?
Nope, you’re not being unreasonable. It’s becoming increasingly common to require this, and it’s totally unreasonable and unnecessary. They don’t need anyone’s Social Security number until they decide who they’re hiring, and you have no idea what, if any, precautions they take with all those numbers they’re collecting from candidates.
I’d tell your son to just enter all zeros for now. That’ll get his application through their system, and most people who see that will understand why he did it (and that he’s not trying to pass it off as his real number for actual use).
5. Can being a podcast guest go in my job application materials?
I was recently a guest on a podcast about my industry — it was an honor to be invited, and I feel that my answers really showcased my skills, work ethic, and understanding of the ins and outs of the industry.
Is there any way to include this in my candidate profile when applying for jobs, be it on a resume, cover letter, or LinkedIn? Or would it come off as weirdly self-aggrandizing? The podcast episode comes up when I google my name, so should I just leave it to hiring managers to come across it on their own?
I wouldn’t put it on your resume; it doesn’t quite rise to the level of resume-worthy. But you could add a line in your cover letter linking to it and noting that it’s a sample of your approach to issues in your industry like X and Y. (Be aware, though, that most hiring managers aren’t likely to take the time to listen to much of it — listening to a recording takes a lot longer than skimming written materials. But some might, if they’re already interested in you.)
If you do mention it, make sure that it’s clear that your point is “here’s a link to listen to it,” not just to mention the fact that you appeared on the show.
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I’m suspicious of my wife’s former boss, my boss told my coworker what I said about him, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.