It’s Monday, if you live in the United States you just had a four day weekend of hard partying and major relaxing. Being back to work is not helping your stoke level. You’re probably sitting behind your desk in that cubicle or checking your smart phone trying to find something to satisfy your lust for snowboarding. It might be a video or it just might be some form of humor to make those repetitive mundane tasks you do in exchange for money that much more bearable. We tried to come up with some humor to keep you happy but instead we’re opting to flog a dead horse because we’re just not “prudent journalists” according to today’s subject of mockery.
In the online country of Facebook on the continent of Cyberspace there sits a group of snowboarders proud to preserve the history of snowboarding. It’s here that pros of yesteryear coupled with those that survived the golden age of snowboarding take a nostalgic look at our roots. It’s also here that people with bad ideas sometimes attempt to spam their inferior product, sometimes ones we’ve already mocked like Quick Stance. Not to be the only ones trying to accomplish an Internet snowboard site flogging, Yobeat joined in.
It seems that Steven Hovdesven the VP of Sales for Quick Stance (according to his LinkedIn, how’s that for investigative journalism!) has never learned how social media truly works and blasted the group hocking his done to death invention.
It’s almost as if someone is reading the classic text book of how not to promote their product online. Upon further investigation it would seem that this is correct after looking through a simple Google search where we found super awesome sales guy Steve leaving comments on Transworld Snowboardings website like these below.
I’m sure the people voting on the resort riders poll wanted to know about this inventive new product.
The only comment on the Riders Poll Online Video Project award was this guy. I can only think he scared people away from comment.
Now it just might be safe to assume this guy knows sales but online marketing he does not. Since snowboarders are fickle and especially those in a group covering nostalgic value Steven felt compelled to argue with some of the people commenting. This never ends well as most of you regular readers know. We were able to attain a private message he sent as well as a screen shot of a deleted response.
Here is some snowboard history, we are the first and original developers of this technology since the early nineties. We are from Santa Barbara the birth place of the entire sport of snowboarding. We have worked with Chuck Barfoot and Tom Sims the godfathers of this sport in making the ultimate rotating binding system that many have tried to imitate 9n some fashion and failed. The imitations have been flattering for us but we have always stayed true to our vision and concept and have not released anything to the public until we know it is the absolute best. We are not a big company of corporate blow job artists we are actually real snowboarders who bring useful technologies to the sports which enhances ridership, learning abilities, safety and products that make economical sense to resort owners. “We are built by the snowboarder for the snowboarder.” In fact a prime example of our respect to the sport was not releasing our screw down top technology known today and used by Burton dubbed “the Progression Binding” on their LTR “Lean to Ride Snowboards” and also used in the Burton academy and almost every rental shop in the united States. Not bad huh? Hey even the best have tried and failed and now use our technologies. We consider The “Progression” our abortion, but Burton and its loyal riders love it and they ran with it making the technology hugely successful. So Quick Stance knows whats its talking about and knows quite a bit about snowboarding history.
The sign says it all. I mean who knew Santa Barbara was the birthplace of snowboarding, there must be so many hidden stashes there on the beach front property. We’ll just look past that statement and dissect some others as only an idiot would claim this and completely disregard what Sherman Poppens did in Wisconsin or the countless other incarnations before that.
Lets start with the claim of a lack of ‘prudent journalism’. Now under Stevens belief I’ve never seen one of these, that is a lie I’ve held numerous incarnations of this in my hands at some point in my life over the years. Then he says because I refused to try them out that it lacks integrity. Well yes I refused to try them I don’t need to blow my knee out to know it’s a bad idea, that doesn’t mean in the past I haven’t been forced by a previous employer to play with them at some point. Just because your current turd is still steaming doesn’t mean I haven’t at one pointed been forced to play clean up with one of your old ones.
Now have they worked with Chuck Barfoot and Tom Sims? Well that took a little bit more investigating and digging through the deepest depths of html hell, but it seems that if one were to search Eetaw Snowboarding Company it would yield some interesting results.
Why did this company never make it? Why! Oh probably because you know it sucked then as much as it sucks now. It seems a little odd that they didn’t release their technology so Burton could do it, man I sure hope they’re collecting royalties for that one. Oh wait seems your patent is from 2010.
Does anyone know what a corporate blowjob artist is? Is that someone that paints people giving blow jobs to corporate people? Or are they an artisan of the ancient art of fellatio?
What is possibly the best statement is the “by snowboarders for snowboarders” this is the phrase said by any company that doesn’t have a marketing pitch worth a damn. Cool you ride a snowboard, I ride a snowboard and in your mind that means we’re snowboarders. But to be a snowboarder is something far greater than someone that rides a snowboard. If you can’t grasp that you are not a snowboarder.
Now as this article is getting a bit lengthy it is time to stop and let you the consumer decide the fate of this idea that’s been beaten to death. Do you think Steven should take a lesson or two in online marketing? Is market research something this brand should look into? How about making idiotic claims about where snowboarding came from? I leave the power in your hands.
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