Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): sointohim30
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Comment: Hi!
I really need your help.
I’ve read so many articles and I still don’t know what to do.
I met this guy this summer. We live in the same city and he is a coach at the gym I go to.
To start from the beginning, we went on a few dates, we ended up having sex at his place twice, it was amazing for the both of us. He would even always drive me back home after our dates. There is a serious physical attraction between us, whether we are alone together or in public (in public we are being so discrete because it’s at his workplace). Then, I started getting so attached. He is a very busy man, so focused on his work and tasks and he did honestly tell me he was having a hard time organising and managing all the tasks he had to get done (work, home, taxes,…). Days past and he never had time for us to meet up again. He finishes work late, never before 9pm and earlier on the weekends, but he probably also needs free time for himself (he is also a personal coach and has another work career). So the problem started when I was contacting him too much but in a sweet way, I never realized it looked pushy. I really wanted to see him before going on holidays (it was just the beginning and I was gonna be gone for a month and a half). I may have texted him too much and he got mad. It froze me and I didn’t answer back. I travelled, a month and half passed by and no news from my side or his. When I was back I tried to break the ice and make it right, which was a great idea. The only thing is now he is so into me sexually but wants casual hooks ups. He said to me “Listen I don’t want to be with someone, but if you ever wanna meet up for casual hook ups, I would love to take care of you”. Honestly, I loved that because I do want anything from him, to get a piece of him. And I had, myself came out of a very seriously relationship 6 months ago (and little disappointing stories after my ex), so to me it sounded like an exciting plan! We haven’t gotten the chance to meet up yet. We occasionally bump into each other at the gym but he still hasn’t decided on a day. He has a lot to do and tasks are adding up. He did go out once or twice this week though. Does he want us to meet when he is not so exhausted to really enjoy our moment together, so he is waiting for the right time? I send him sexy photos of me from time to time to spice things up and he loves it.
About his behaviour when I’m around at the gym. He always notices me wherever I go. He knows where I am, whom I’m talking to. The thing is he doesn’t like anyone knowing about his personal life (he had told me that before). Our eyes always meet, we smile at each other. I go to him and we kiss to say “hi how are you?” acting so casual in front of everyone. He is constantly on his phone texting. When we are standing close with people around he would never make eye contact. Does it have to do with his attraction towards me? Scared to get caught? Or could it be another reason?
He is a cold person, probably shy too, doesn’t talk much but at the same time likes having people around. He is sociable. I am so into him! I think of him every single day. I want to talk to him all the time. I’m stuck in my feelings for him. His starsign is Cancer, he is 30 and always seems very responsible.
Whenever another guy talks to me or stares a me at the gym, he is so aware. He would try to be discrete but I can see he is looking this way. There is one thing that got me thinking a lot this week. I was working out and there was this guy who kept looking at me, he couldn’t get his eyes off me. He was actually being coached by my crush who stepped away for a few minutes (on his phone texting and waiting). Suddenly, my crush realized that the guy was staring so much he looked to see who the guy was looking at and when he saw it was me, he stopped texting and went straight to him. I kept on going with my workout but was really wondering what my crush was telling him. What do you think he was telling him? What could his sudden reaction mean?
His texting habits. I always initiate, he doesn’t… probably because I don’t give him time to miss me? So I decided not to text him every day. My messages aren’t annoying and I never lecture him about anything. He has his freedom, he reads my messages, sometimes answers right away or after he is done with work, sometimes reads and doesn’t answer when there’s no question asked. It depends…
I could not tell if he’s just so into me physically or he actually likes me more than that but is afraid of commitment, was heartbroken before, disappointed before, or just doesn’t have time or energy to give me more than just sex? or could he himself be confused and not really know what exactly his feelings are for me? other than the sexual part…
I would love to have your feedback and advice 
I just really want to be with him whether for fun or anything else. I’m not in a hurry to settle down with anyone so I don’t mind going with the flow. How could I get him to want to choose a day soon no matter how busy his schedule is?
Thanks!
Age: 30
City: Paris
State: Ile-de-France
I think he’s pretty sure how he feels about you: you and he had sex a few times, it was fun, he’ll get with you again should the mood strike him, but he’s not in any way going to make any effort to hang out with you.
Let’s be clear about something: you know very little about this guy. You have no idea what motivates him, what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling, etc. You’re reading things into his behavior that probably aren’t even there strictly because you have a certain narrative running in your head. And that’s the operative phrase here: in your head.
He’s perpetually making excuses for why he can’t see you, he doesn’t initiate any of your text conversations, and in public he barely acknowledges you. I don’t think he’s jealous when he sees someone else staring at you. In fact, I don’t even think he notices. I think you think he notices. That’s when you start attributing all these intentions and reactions to his behavior. If anything, he might be a little concerned that you’re behaving a little stalkerish, watching him all the time while he’s at work and what not. That could very well explain why he acts so uptight around you and hasn’t made future plans and is such a dismissive dick.
Your crush is a trainer at a gym. I can assure you that you are not the first or the only woman there he has seduced. The reason he’s not bothering with you is because he’s already had you. He’ll keep you on his roster should none of his other options be available, but this guy is never going to clear his schedule for you. He doesn’t have to.
His starsign is Cancer, he is 30 and always seems very responsible.
He’s a Cancer? Oh, well that changes everything. (Sike! No it doesn’t.)
He said to me “Listen I don’t want to be with someone, but if you ever wanna meet up for casual hook ups, I would love to take care of you”. Honestly, I loved that because I do want anything from him, to get a piece of him.
Okay. This, up there? This is not in any way a compliment. He’s basically telling you to your face, “Look, I will never date you, but I’ll fuck you.” That doesn’t sound so hot and romantic now, does it? He’s keeping you on the hook – something he probably does to all the women he bangs – just in case he gets horny and no one else is around. That’s it. Or c’est tout, as you people say. He wants casual sex. You want more. He knows it. That’s the problem in a nutshell. If you really need to have sex with this dope again, start ignoring him. He’s only going to sleep with you if he feels relatively confident you’re not going to turn into a bunny boiler. Personally, I would say au revoir to this guy.
He is ONE guy. If you really just want to have a sexy fling (hint: you don’t), go find someone else. It’s not that hard. You’re clinging to this guy for dear life when all signs point to him not caring about you in the slightest.
And, not for anything, but aren’t you at all, I don’t know, pre-occupied with other things going on out there? This situation with some dude at your gym is the least of your problems.
Thoughts?
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