2013-12-31

Look, it’s our friendly male-privileged anon come to tell me I’m being all womanly hysterical.

I’m assuming you’re a guy. If you’re a girl, and this doesn’t piss you off, I’m a little concerned, honestly.

The fact is that it is a big deal, and you just earned yourself a free lecture on why so siddown and shaddup.

Cracked ran a rather diverting article today on

"6 Insane Sex Myths People Used to Teach as Facts"

including things like how westerners apparently thought that Chinese women who immigrated had sideways vaginas and that doctors attributed any number of problems to the fact that they believed women’s uteri could detach themselves when the woman was not pregnant and scamper around the woman’s innards like some sort of wayward jellyfish blob.

Hilarious, right? Can’t believe people used to think that! Oh, how naive they all were!

Which brings us to women-pee-out-of-their-vagina.

People back then kind of have an excuse for stupid notions, because a lot of the time there wasn’t the technology or research or scientific community to call them out on it in order to spread information that was actually factual.

We do not have that excuse today.

Yes, I heard that, greyface in sunglasses in the second row.

"well we don’t teach ridiculous stuff like that!"

Spoiler Alert: We totally do.

Stuff like the complete erasure of parts of female anatomy, publicly taught and widespread misinformation about others and the fact that I learned more about my own body with 15 minutes on Wikipedia than I did in two mandatory Health classes and a Medical Anatomy class.

Send your arguments at me, believe me, they don’t hold water.

"The clitoris doesn’t have anything to do with reproduction!"

Sex Ed covers more than just reproduction. Every time they sent me home with a little paper for your parent/guardian to sign, they said they would be talking about anatomy as well as reproduction.

"Well, female anatomy is a lot more complicated…"

Doesn’t that mean they should spend more time covering it rather than skipping over the parts they deem ‘unnecessary’? Even in my Medical Anatomy class when we had the diagrams to label, despite there being a clitoris in the diagram, there wasn’t a lil line to write down what it was.

"Maybe they didn’t think it was appropriate to talk about for high school."

Female pleasure.

So lewd.

How dare they.

Get the pitchforks and burn the witch.

"They don’t talk about male pleasure either!"

Bitch, please.

I heard aaaaalll about what happens when a dude is aroused and orgasms with the erections and ejaculations and all that nonsense.

Girl orgasms are apparently not a thing. And, depending on the class, neither was female arousal.

(Which I find decidedly disturbing, as a side note.)

"Female orgasms aren’t a part of reproduction either."

Maybe not.

BUT IT IS A SIMPLE PHYSICAL REACTION THAT SHOULD BE TAUGHT IF ONLY FOR SCIENTIFIC AND MEDICAL ACCURACY.

"Fine. The clitoris is controversial. That hardly covers the entire spectrum of female sexuality having misinformation and crap."

Apparently you didn’t read the part up above about how I did not learn what happens when a woman is aroused or orgasms in three years of classes that are supposed to teach me about this thing.

"If it took you 15 minutes on Wikipedia to figure stuff out, why are you so mad? That’s hardly a waste of time."

Because I deserve to know about my own body, and when schools teach Sex Ed in any form, they are taking on the responsibility of teaching me that.

And yet, I learned absolutely nothing useful.

That’s a problem.

"Okay, okay. They don’t talk about female sexual reactions, and that’s kinda sexist."

You know what else is kinda sexist? Telling men that sex is great and women that it’s going to hurt and suck and also you’ll get pregnant and die.

What am I talking about, you say?

The hymen. You know, the thing that covers a woman’s vaginal opening and breaks and there’s blood and that’s how you can tell if your girlfriend is lying about whether or not you’re her first.

Well guess what, buddy-boy, you dumped that girl for no reason because that’s not actually what a hymen is and you’re also a jerk.

The hymen is a flexible membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening (usually in a sort of crescent shape when they are but a wee lass) and did you notice the word up there? ‘Flexible’? Do you know what that means? It means that if a woman is sufficiently aroused, it prolly ain’t gonna break. (wow do you think this myth has anything to do with the lack of knowledge we’re taught about female arousal???)

I mean dude you can shove a baby outta that thing and it returns to its original shape, you can’t tell if a woman is a virgin or not by the state of her hymen anyways. They can tear during exercise n stuff as well but there is literally not much of a reason why sex should be painful for girls and why you call it “popping the cherry”

OH WAIT MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE DUDES LIKE TO THINK THAT THEIR DICK HAS MAGICAL POWERS THAT FOREVER CHANGES A WOMAN’S LIFE AND SHE’S NEVER BE THE SAME AFTER YOU WRECKED THAT TIGHT LIL HOLE.

Well, fun fact, if she’s tight that means you kind of suck balls at the whole sex thing.

This isn’t just a matter of some people making a mistake about how women urinate. This is part of a long history of the suppression of female sexuality to the point that when you get a damn diagram of the vulva, apparently they don’t mark where the urethra is because man we don’t want to spend too much time talking about ladyparts frick who knows what’s hiding down there…

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