wetwareproblem:
cortalian:
dahniwitchoflight:
bluemoonygirl:
mylittlscorpion:
garet-the-3rd:
autismserenity:
sirigorn:
autismserenity:
life-of-a-cherry-blossom:
autismserenity:
If you think of asexual as “not having a sex drive,” then you’d probably be surprised to learn that aces used to be a part of the bi community.
But if you think of it as “not having a sexual orientation,” then it might suddenly become clear.
Because in a world where so many people only ever think of, or mention, “gay or straight” as possible orientations, there’s not that much difference between “not having a sexual orientation” and “not being either gay or straight.”
When the question is only framed as “which of these opposite points does your arrow point to,” I don’t feel like there’s a huge difference between your answer being “point???????” or “arrow???????”
Ohhh, everything makes sense now (says the bi ace)
SWEEET
Which is I think why a lot of aces identify as bi or pan at some point in their lives before landing on “asexual.” If you know you’re not gay or straight, there’s much more awareness of bisexuality than of asexuality, so it makes sense that people would end up there by default.
Yes! And if you were coming out 20 oror more years ago, there was basically zero awareness of any other things.
this perfectly describes my late teens, most of which I spent convinced I was bisexual because I was equally attracted to men and women. Thing is, I actually wasn’t attracted to either, and I thought that that weird uncomfortable feeling I got each time something was overly sexualized was because I wasn’t used to feeling lust and/or arousal, and those new urges were making me uncomfortable, instead of just being plain uncomfortable with sexualization. I didn’t even know that asexuality was a thing until I read about it in a fanfic a year ago.
Chiming in as another aro/ace person who identified as bi for a couple years before realizing the ace spectrum existed. The poster right above me pretty much describes exactly my thought process. Basically, it went:
I’m not gay, and I’m definitely not straight, so I must be bi, because I find people of many different genders attractive (notice i say find attractive, not attracted to). I chalked my icky-squirmy feelings when thinking about sex and to a lesser extent relationships up to lack of experience as I’ve never been in a relationship or even been on a date.
But then in the past year or two I finally learned about asexuality and one night I had this huge emotional revelation when things just clicked suddenly.
So yeah, until recently, bi is where i fit best, and where i felt most accepted.
Oooh boy this describes my teenage years.
Ok, I should be getting interested in boys right about now. Right. Let’s look at boys.
…. I don’t want to date boys. So I’m a lesbian ?
Wait, I don’t want to date girls. Am I straight after all ?
No one is more or less sexy to me. I guess they must all be sexy. Bi it is.
Hey, my sister is gay ! … Wait, but I definitely don’t see myself having a girlfriend like she does. Oh well, guess that means I’m straight after all.
BUT I DON’T WANT TO DATE BOYS … SO THAT MEANS …. I’M A LESBIAN ??????
Rinse and repeat for … 9 years ?
And then I found out that asexuality was a thing :’) Not to mention aromanticism.
oh man, ive never seen this before but that makes so much sense, i did the exact same process lol
like, way back when as a wee youngin and first discovering that not straight people existed at all (I think I was like, 8?)
Oh lesbians and Gay people exist, that must mean they dont wanna date opposite gender people, I get it! Im one of those! I dont wanna date boys either
(note, even as young child, all my peers would talk about crushes and valentines day was a BIG DEAL and there still all this weirdness of seperation between boys and girls for reasons i didnt understand at all, which makes sense because children gender seperate based on gender roles as early as 4 years old, and if you dont fit those roles inherently but are being pushed into them, you can feel the disconnect no mater what it is as early as 4 too, surprising huh? i learned this fact when talking about gendered play and roles and their development in my college courses, the self/peer imposed compulsory heteroness starts earlier than you think)
anyway i grow older and learn more about it, discovers gay and lesbian actually mean they WANT to date same gender people, oh wait thats not me, im must be straight then?? i guess??? more confusion springs up, cuz like, i just dont wanna date, i dont care about valentines day why is it such a huge deal??? i dont??
even more later, i discovers existence of bi/pan people to mean “feels the same level of attraction towards all genders” and go aha! oh well thats definitely me!! I dont feel a difference at all about how I feel about any gender! It all feels the same! Must be Pan :D or but like, i still dont wanna kiss? or date anyone? am i bi/pan??? or the opposite of bi/pan?? and how am i confusing a thing and its opposite????
?????? at this point i just give up and think whatever the heck these orientations are, i just dont have one at all, other people can have them whatevs but i just dont??,have one?? answers the question of “straight or gay” with either “neither” or “no.”
finally in my 20′s discovers the term Asexuality as meaning “feels a lack of attraction towards any gender” and have a giant OHHHHHHH moment when everything clicks
anyway, doesnt it make sense to everyone else that if you dont have a sexual orientation or feel sexual attraction, that you have no idea what it feels like or what it should feel like? and that trying to describe it is like trying to describe red to someone who is colorblind?
like i get that you can do a thing, but i dont?? get it?? what is red. how can you tell. what makes it different from the non reds?
???
This is very, very accurate to what I went through before I actually heard of and understood what asexuality was, so… Yeah!
More evidence that a-spec people have, in fact, been part of the bi community for a while.