Admit it: you clicked this post because you saw “9 months,” and a piece of you thought I’d have the ‘ole 9-month “news.”
I don’t. This is better.
Samarah turned 9-months old today.
When I realized it was the infamous 9-month mark, it took me back about a year when I was desperately waiting to tell you about a different kind of 9 months….yes, the kind where on that last day, a precious little baby enters the world.
I thought about how different my life is now that I am no longer concerned with “those” 9 months.
I thought about 9 months of celebrating life vs. waiting for a life to begin.
I thought about one pink line and about how thankful I was for never seeing two on that day.
I (even) thought about the idea that it just might be okay, that I am coming to truly accept the fact that my eggs are old and possibly not capable of ever making it to 9 months.
And she….little miss 9-month old Samarah Josephina is the reason.
Her 9-month old birthday reminds me that we cannot put a time frame on happiness. A beautiful outcome can happen at any given moment, when we least expect it.
She continues to grow and to thrive in ways that doctors and social workers can’t believe.
Someday when she’s old enough to read my blog and peruse all that her mama was saying, this is the short letter I hope she’ll love to see most from today, this her 9-month old entry….
Dear Samarah:
My final words from One Pink Line on February 3, 2012 stated:
Everything is beautiful in its time. Those little specs we saw on the ultrasounds were beautiful. But they were not ours to keep. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that the day will come when the specs will turn to Beautiful Baby Hoffman. And when that day comes, I will look back on all of this and think, “Thank God for this one. I wouldn’t trade him/her for anything in the whole world.”
Everything did happen for a reason. And reason was ultimately not to have my own growing 9-month bump, but instead to have a several year bump in my heart waiting for you. Today, I sit here and write this and for the love of the Lord – yes, Samarah Josephina, yes – I do…..”Thank God for you. I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the whole world.” (And all of this goes for your daddy, too….you know your mama, though, always writing.)
You are the little apple of our eye. Your 9-month old heart has made ours complete.
We love you Josephine! (<– I wonder if we’ll still nickname her that by the time she reads this?!)
xo,
Mama and Daddy
Love your guts,
SKH
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