Dear Huge Crush,
What was it that pulled me towards you ? Was it your writing style ? your neat hair cut? big eyes ? chiseled body? You and me liking the same books? Harry potter topping our lists? What was it that made me chat with you hours together and I yearned for more and more of it ? I can't round on one strong reason which increased my liking towards you :) You came in to my life when work was routine, bench (which means having no work in a software company) ruled my days and blogging became an everyday activity. Thanks to writing which made me feel you are a kin. I can never forget those silly e-mails which we wrote every day which had anything and everything under the sky and some times nothing too! Our topics ranged from what you had in break fast to discussing the complicated love stories of the campus! I cherished those mails.
Do you remember our first meet after many offline and faceless conversations?! I was having butterflies the size of buffaloes in my stomach but it all went smoothly and I was the one who calmed you when you said you were feeling odd to meet me and my friend. I knew I was not in love and I knew our story was just a simple, silly one which has no beginning or an end but unfortunately you did end it and how! I still cannot forget the consequences after our first meet. A dear friend hinted me that I am being silly and I had no slightest chance to be your "special interest", "crush" or whatsoever it is. Thanks to her. She imbibed sense in me and showed me proofs which neatly burst the bubble of my imagination :) But one think I never understood is, why were you such a sissy ? Why did you suddenly stop talking to me after that day and after having too many conversations? Why did not you happily admit that you had a thing for some one else and just because of that you won't be able to talk normally with so many other friends around you? I am not your elder sister or mother to object. I would have appreciated the fact more if you just disclosed it to me, like you do it to friends. C'mon, it is not a bollywood movie to shed tears or sing sad songs. Once you started ducking and hiding and avoiding, in a minute everything vanished - the good feeling , warmth, charm and everything. I came to know about your secrets which you were trying very hard to keep under the wraps but most of your secrets became open. Thanks to the endless efforts of few people- I always came to know them :) I feel good that rest of the less known secrets remained secrets (of course my imaginations do soar high when I think about them).
By the end of the last and the brief encounter with you, I realized that crushes are good only when we don't have any expectations and for sure know the limitations that nothing is gonna brew between us. For instance my forever crush - Shahrukh Khan- I was never disappointed by him. Nagarjuna- my child hood crush, Tom Hanks (one more big crush but I hate him for You have got a mail movie which made me extra mushy), Robert Langdon (A bookish crush), Bradley Cooper,Harry potter, Fred/ George Weasley, K.K., A.R. Rahman - the list will go on and I keep renewing it. They always come to my rescue on a crappy day. There are many men other than the celebrities who possess one or the other inspiring quality in them but it is always good to admire them from a distance. When you get more near to them It is not easy to catch the thin line between crush-mush and friendship. Before deleting I checked that we have exchanged exactly 100 e-mails. The e-mail exchange seems like the silliest thing to do, when I think of it now. I wish you don't behave like a sissy and come out in open when you choose the love of your life. I am 100% sure that you have already chosen one! I wish you and the chosen one live happily ever after.
You do know I crack pathetic jokes. Today's PJ is playing candy crush is better than having you as my crush :P As and end note, for the sake of old days I dedicate you the note below. This is what I ultimately feel about you :)
image source : here
PS: I Loathe you.
Afshan.
I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The second in the list is a letter to ‘Your Crush’.