2016-08-08

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Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!

I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.

Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.

The only reason god made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.

People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.

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When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

10.The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.

I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News. (Funny Whatsapp Status In Hindi)

I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent.

I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday.

Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?

Justin Bieber was arrested this morning for using men’s toilet.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

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You Don’t Know Something? Google It. You Don’t Know Someone? Facebook It. You Can’t Find Something? Mom! (Best, Funny Whatsapp Status)

Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.

Someone on his status “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s Probably dead.

Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

I gotta go to work today because millions of people on welfare depend on me.

23.If you don’t care stop talking about it.

24.God was showing off when He created you.

Girl, you better have a license, coz you are driving me crazy!

Never apologize for being you.

27.I’m a good boy with bad habits: P

Flip a coin… If head comes, I am yours, if tail comes then you are mine.

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29.I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

This is the beginning of the sentence you just finished reading.

WoW now I’m a graduate… Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains.

Me and my wife lived happily for 25 years and then we met…

Good Morning, let the stress begin…

Don’t settle for good. Demand Great!

Hakuna Matata – The great motto to live life!

Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.

Eat – Sleep – Regret – Repeat.

Sometimes i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s all worth it.

Move on…

It takes a lot for me to say I’m sorry.

Dear bed, I’m sorry I left you this morning, take me back?

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I never apologize. I’m sorry, that’s just the way I am.

I’m sorry for being me. I won’t ever do it again.

Please don’t walk away…I’m sorry I am so sorry, and now you’re walking away.

I’m sorry my fault I forgot you were an idiot.

Well, I’m sorry I can’t be the right kind of monster for you, Bad Lover

The best revenge is being yourself.

The best things in life aren’t things.

Be too busy to have time for regrets

He let me duct tape his mouth because I said it was my fetish; I really just wanted him to shut up.

If at first you don’t succeed, try drinking beer while you do it. You’ll be amazed at how much less you care.

I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.

The most awkward part of meeting new people is when my kids say, “Please help us.”

You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook. No way you were getting out of a DUI.

Error: 403 Forbidden Status

Hi there! I am using my Brain!

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Just got the company of the only one around here who’s got any sense : Forgot to mention. Thats me.

Life does not have an one-up

Not always “Available”.. Try your Luck..

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

Error:11 status temporarily unavailable.

If you can’t convince, Confuse all.

I Have Over 1000 Channels, And Yet…There’s Nothing On Tv!

Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

I am not drunk, I am just chemically off-balanced.

There’s Not Enough Time In The Day…Yet, I’m On Whatsapp.

Person you love is 72.8% water.

Alone In My Office. Strange noise from the ceiling

When everything comes your way.. Then you are on the wrong way.

Every problem comes with a solution. If it doesn’t have any solution, it’s a…………. woman

There’s a lovely person between Y and I on your keyboard….just look

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You have to be ODD, to be number ONE.

All My Passwords Are On Autocomplete, So I Don’t Know What They Are Anymore.

Is everybody trying to bring you ‘Down’, Dont worry, you are ‘Above them’.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Some people are alive only Because it’s illegal to kill them.

It is not a failure. Only that my success is postponed.

Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.

When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?

If you like me Then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard.

When i was born..Angels said..”Hrrrr..!! Competition

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