2017-03-10



***Before we even get started here, make sure to throw @cjzero and @shaynepasquino a follow on Twitter for all of your tournament GIF needs***

The Minnesota State High School Hockey Tournament got going on Wednesday with the A Division quarterfinals. Here’s the recap of Day 1 in case you missed it. Yesterday the big dawgs got their tournament going with the AA quarterfinals. And for any of you plugs at home who haven’t quite grasped the scope of how big this tournament is, here’s a little fun fact for ya.



Now obviously we’re comparing one NHL game to 4 quarterfinal games being played in one building. But still. These kids are in high school and they’re packing pro barns. So let’s get to some highlights and we’ll go same order we went in yesterday. We’ll talk some puck and then we’ll talk some flow at the end. Here’s how the AA tourney is looking after yesterday’s tilts.



Last year’s AA State Championship game was #3 Wayzata taking down #1 Eden Prairie. It’s that reason right there that 2017 top draft prospect Casey Mittelstadt decided to go back to Eden Prairie for another year instead of staying in the USHL before the draft. Here’s a quick glimpse of his Eliteprospects bio just so you can see where he ranks on the draft boards.

Future Detroit Red Wing Casey Mittelstadt? Well, it hard to say. Anyway, Eden Prairie won the rematch and they’re off to the semis. Nothing too exciting from that game but they’ll be going up against Grand Rapids who are playing like a bunch of savages right now. Just take a look for yourself at what happened after going down 2-0 early in the game.

Snipe So Hard University. That’s 1.

Snipe So Hard University. That’s 2.

That’s the lead. Maple Grove has officially been cucked. The 2-Man 2-Goal Lead strikes again. Then goal 4 happened. Then goal 5 happened.

Celly So Hard University. Pillage. Destruction. Chaos. Stop the fight! Stop the fight! Maple Grove has a family and they’re all in the crowd watching their boys get brutally massacred. They were finally able to stop the bleeding after 5 unanswered goals but that wasn’t going to stop Blake McLaughlin from scoring again to piss on the ashes.

The knee drop to the crowd shush. The amount of disrespect packed in to this celly is almost too much to handle. Maple Grove is dead and they may never come back. Now did Grand Rapids peak too early? Should they have left a little in the tank for the semi tonight against Eden Prairie? Or are they pure savagery 24/7 and thus haven’t even begun to peak? I guess we’ll find out tonight. But this is a team who has been treating the Xcel Energy Center as their own personal F Shack so far. That’s not a team that I’d want to play against as the 1 seed on upset alert. Oh, and I didn’t even get around to mentioning Flowseidon on the Grand Rapids’ bench.

MVP! MVP! MVP! I don’t care what happens for the rest of this tournament. Grand Rapids is my 2017 Minnesota State High School Hockey Champions based on beauty status alone.

Moving on, we had Moorhead going #DangleDays to get past Hill-Murray on their way to the semis.

Nothing better than sending a kid back to the pro shop to get his skates sharpened after dangling his face off. Poor #16 looks like he was walking around in the parking lot without his skate guards on before the game. Moorhead has Lakeville South tonight who upset #2 St. Thomas as the 7-seed. Which anybody could have seen coming as soon as they saw Bradley Golant disco his way into the lineup.

Now I won’t lie. Typically I’m not a huge afro guy. I have a strong appreciate for the feathered and lethal look. I’m a bit of a traditionalist in that sense when it comes to hockey hair. But when an afro is done right? Well it’s one of the most glorious things you’ll ever lay your eyes upon. It takes some serious dedication to grow that bad boy out knowing damn well that there’s a chance it could be a massive flop. But Bradley Golant stuck to his guns, let it rage and is reaping all the benefits right now. Stick taps all around.

Next up we have Tyler Dingman from Wayzata. I’m not including him in this blog because I think he should make the All Hockey Hair team video. But I’m including him because I think he needs to be on a “stay the fuck away from little children and any playground” list.

If the hockey hair team is to be picked based on pure, divine, silky flow then Nick Benson is right up there at the top of the list.

Kid looks like he just got done getting so pitted in Maui or something. Surf’s up. And while Nick Benson is surfing with his hair, Ike Tarszewski is flying with his.

Look at those wings! We’ve been searching for Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 for all those years. Turns out the missing plane has been on Ike Taraszewski’s dome.

I refuse to believe this kid is in high school.

That’s the beard of a man no less than 33-years-old who works 12 hour days with 2 kids and another one on the way. And speaking of facial hair, apparently Grand Rapids must be sponsored by Just For Men.

Semifinal for both the A and AA divisions are today. Class A games are at 11 and 1. Class AA games are at 6 and 8. Winners play for immortality tomorrow night.

@BarstoolJordie

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